Crazy for you
by NightingaleTear
Summary: This is a tribute to 'Don't call me Nymphadora' Tonks and Remus 'Moony' Lupin. The story of their life, love and loss.
1. Dead house elves and bubblegum pink hair

A/N: I know this has been done before, but I just love these two characters and was absolutely shocked when they suddenly turned up dead in the Great Hall. So this is my take on their life and love story. I will stick to the books, however (even though it breaks my heart), and try to work in all the information Rowling gave us. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters belong to the absolutely ingenious J.K. Rowling ;)

Summary: This is a tribute to 'Don't call me Nymphadora' Tonks and Remus 'Moony' Lupin. The story of their life, love and loss.

**Crazy ****for you**

**Chapter 1: Dead house elves, self peeling potatoes and bubble-gum pink hair**

Remus Lupin took off his travelling cloak and looked around. He was standing in a rather gloomy and dark hall and the heads of dead house elves adorning the walls did not exactly lighten the place up either. He had experienced far too many things in his life (which seemed to him much longer than it actually had been) to feel intimidated, but he had to admit that this house was a little creepy.

However, this didn't really matter because it was meant to be the new headquarters of the restarted Order of the Phoenix and for this purpose it was perfect. Since this was the old house of the Blacks, it was already protected by ancient spells and now with Dumbledore's new enchantments (including the Fidelius charm) it was as safe as it would ever get.

Today, the first big meeting of the new Order was scheduled to take place, which was why Remus had travelled to London and was now descending an old staircase to find himself entering a huge kitchen.

"Remus!" At least two people called his name and jumped to their feet at his entrance.

First to reach him was a shorter and slightly plump woman, who had red hair and a very kind face. "Hello, Molly," Remus greeted her and smiled when she gave him a fierce hug.

"Oh, it's so nice to see you again, Remus. We have been worried about you! Arthur and I would have loved to welcome you at our home more often!"

"Indeed," agreed a tall, bespectacled man with matching red hair. "Good to see you again."

"My pleasure, Arthur." They shook hands.

"And that would be Bill," Remus hazarded a guess when the next young man with red hair came into view. They, too, shook hands.

When the Weasleys had moved aside, the broadest grinning face of them all appeared in front of him.

"Hear, hear, my friend, you have been greatly missed!" The dark eyes, which belonged to the grinning face, were framed by long, black hair and twinkled with joy and a little mischief.

"Sirius!" Remus' smile widened and the two friends shared a handshake and a hug. Recently, Sirius had hid at Remus' place, but since he had departed for his family's old house, they hadn't seen each other.

"So, how are you, Moony?" Sirius asked when they had all sat down again.

"Why, do I look miserable?" Remus smirked. He knew that after each full moon and that was to say after each transformation, he seemed to have more grey among his brown hair and more lines in his still quite young face.

"I'd rather not answer that question," Sirius replied jokingly.

"Oh, don't be so rude, Sirius!" Molly interjected with disapproval clearly audible in her voice. "But you really should eat more, Remus. You look much too thin. I'm going to cook you a nice dinner."

"The meeting will start in about half an hour, Molly, dear," Arthur reminded his wife.

"Well, I can still start peeling potatoes, can't I?" Molly snapped. "And you could help me."

Sirius grinned. "Did you hear that, Moony? You should eat more."

"Yes, well, and you need to redecorate," Remus replied, thinking of the dead house elves.

To his surprise, Sirius' smile faded. "Yeah, well, that's about everything I have to do."

Remus thought he knew what the problem was. Sirius, who always had been a rather energetic, young man, was now stuck in this house. "At least you've got company all the time now. Members will come and go."

"Yeah, like Snape, asking me how the 'cleaning' was going. He's even more annoying since he thinks he's the top member of the Order, right after Dumbledore, because he's risking his ruddy life. As if I weren't ready to…"

"No one doubts your bravery, Padfoot. And since when do you care what old _Snivellus_ is saying?" Remus was relieved to see that Sirius' gloomy expression faded and his smile returned.

"Hey, why don't _you _move in here for the time being? I've got lots of space and you wouldn't need to travel so much. No offence, Moony, but you do look a little exhausted. And I could pay you back for when you took me in."

Sirius' eyes betrayed his excitement at the prospect of having his best friend move in with him. Still, Remus hesitated to accept this offer, but found that he could hardly turn his friend down and nodded.

"Great. It'll be just like in the old days." Sirius patted him on the back and smiled.

"By the way, do we have some new members by now or is it still the old gang?" Remus asked.

"Well, it's not easy to find new members with the Ministry trying to hush everything up. But we made some good catches already," Sirius replied.

Arthur nodded, having been freed of any kitchen duty because Molly had made the potatoes peel themselves with a casual flick of her wand. "Kingsley Shaklebolt. He works at the Ministry. He's a damn good Auror and he's in charge of the hunt for Sirius."

"Yep, so currently they are looking for me in Tibet."

"And Mad-Eye's bringing another Auror with him today, I heard," Arthur added.

"Really? That's good news," Molly interjected. "Who is it?"

"Oh, I don't know her that well. Her name's Tonks," Arthur replied.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment someone rang the doorbell upstairs and a terrible female voice started shrieking.

"Oh, maybe that is them," Arthur said calmly.

Remus had jumped to his feet. "What in the name of Merlin is that?" he asked, looking confused.

"Just my mother," Sirius replied casually and hurried upstairs.

Molly smiled at the bewildered look on Remus' face. "There's a painting of Mrs. Black in the hall. Whenever there's too much noise, she wakes up and starts rambling about her house being disgraced by blood-traitors and…"

"… werewolves?"

"Well, as soon as she finds out, probably, yes," Molly nodded.

The shrieking upstairs had stopped and they heard footsteps and hushed voices. But then there was a loud clatter as if someone had tripped over something and Sirius' mother was heard all over again.

Molly sighed. "Oh dear."

When silence fell once more, the footsteps finally descended into the kitchen and a familiar _clonk, clonk_ was among them.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't see that umbrella stand…" said a woman's voice.

"It's alright. This house is full of junk," Sirius replied.

Next, four people entered the kitchen. The first was a tall, black wizard, who Remus immediately guessed to be Kingsley Shaklebolt. He was followed by the well-known, scarred and one-legged Mad-Eye Moody. The rear was brought up by Sirius and the woman who had apologized for tripping over the umbrella stand.

She looked rather young for an Auror and had quite a striking appearance. It wasn't so much because of her attractive features, but because of her hair, which was bubble-gum pink. It framed a very kind looking, heart-shaped face and dark, twinkling eyes. Remus had never met a person like this before.

"Well, Remus that's Kingsley. Kingsley, that's Remus Lupin. I don't know whether you…" Sirius trailed off.

Kingsley nodded. "I've heard your name before." He had a very calm and reassuring voice.

"Occupational hazard of being a werewolf – the entire community eventually knows you're one," Remus said with a forced smile while shaking hands with the tall wizard.

"Doesn't stop you from being a hell of a good man," Mad-Eye growled and moved forwards to greet him.

"Thanks, Mad-Eye," Remus replied because compliments were a rather rare occurrence with Moody.

"Yeah, and all the rest of you," Sirius said now, addressing not only Remus, but the Weasleys, too. "This is my second cousin Nymphadora…"

"Don't call me Nymphadora!"

"… Tonks," Sirius finished, looking amused.

"Your second cousin?" Everyone present looked surprised.

"Yep, we just realised," Sirius confirmed curtly. "Now, let's see. Well, as you just heard, that's still Remus Lupin…"

"Hi," Tonks smiled broadly.

"Nice to meet you," Remus replied, still looking rather intrigued at her pink hair.

"And that's about 1/3 of the Weasley family, easily identifiable by the red hair," Sirius continued.

"Yes, Arthur and I have met occasionally at work. Then you are Molly and you must be Bill," Tonks concluded and hurried forwards to shake hands, knocking a chair over on her way.

"How do you know that?" Molly asked, a bit startled.

"Oh, well," Tonks looked sheepish, "I was looking forward to meeting you. Your family's quite famous."

"Well, yes, mostly as being blood traitors," Arthur said.

"Oh, no, no," Tonks shook her head. "Not where I come from. I think a big family is great."

Molly immediately beamed at the young woman.

"Yes, because you are an only child," Sirius reminded her with a grin on his face.

"But I can still like big families, can't I?"

Their introductions were interrupted by the arrival of more order members and finally Dumbledore himself, which caused the meeting to start.

Remus watched Sirius closely during Snape's report because in some moments his friend looked so angry that Remus was afraid he might do something stupid. But when he remained calm, Remus' attention lessened and he found himself glancing at Nymphadora Tonks and her pink hair instead, which was all the more eye-catching between all these witches and wizards with 'normal' coloured hair.

After the meeting Molly went from one to the other and asked Remus, "You are staying for dinner, right?"

But something in her eyes told him that she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. "Yes, it seems I'm staying anyhow."

"Excellent!" Molly looked very pleased and moved on.

When dinner was ready, it turned out that Remus and Sirius were not the only ones currently living in the house. The whole Weasley family (except for Charlie and Percy) plus Hermione Granger turned up and Mad-Eye, Kingsley and Tonks were staying, too. As Tonks had proclaimed earlier, she was thrilled to meet the kids and it took Remus quite some effort to stop staring at her when she started changing her nose to the amusement of the children. It seemed to him that this woman had more and more surprises up her sleeve.

Finally, Remus found himself sitting next to her and since everybody else was in conversation or otherwise occupied, it seemed natural to start talking to her.

"So … you are an Auror?" Remus asked.

Tonks turned to look at him. "And you are a werewolf?"

"Uh… yes, I am."

"Me, too." When Remus looked at her in shock, she hurried to add, "No, I didn't mean I'm a werewolf. I meant, yes, I'm an Auror. Sorry, I confuse people sometimes. Actually, that happens a lot. But that's okay. I confuse myself sometimes, too."

Tonks smiled at him sheepishly and when Remus had gotten over his surprise, he thought he understood. Asking whether she was an Auror after he had already been told so was rather stupid and hence he had gotten a stupid question (and answer) in return. For some reason, it was a relief that she didn't seem to mind that he was a werewolf.

"But not for long," Tonks suddenly added, probably because he hadn't said anything. "I only qualified a year ago – for being an Auror, I mean."

Remus nodded. He had guessed as much because she really looked quite young. "Well, I imagine being able to change your own appearance comes in handy. Are you a…"

"… Metamorphmagus, yep. Born one. I got top marks in Concealment and Disguise. But I nearly failed on Stealth and Tracking. I'm a bit clumsy, you know. Always…"

"… tripping over umbrella stands?" Remus asked, smiling slightly.

Tonks looked a little surprised, but grinned. "Yeah, something like that. What about you? What are you doing?"

Remus' smile faded. He hated being asked that question. "Well, I taught Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts about a year ago. But since then and actually it was the same before Dumbledore hired me as teacher… I rarely got any jobs."

"Why?" Tonks asked and looked honestly puzzled.

Remus had to smile at that. "Well, I'm a werewolf and that doesn't exactly make me the most wanted co-worker."

"That's rubbish!" Tonks said and her hair almost seemed to turn red. "Just as stupid as this pure-, half-blood or Muggle-born thing. I highly doubt that my clumsiness has anything to do with my blood."

"Then you're not a pure-blood?" Remus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Because I'm related to Sirius?" Tonks correctly guessed why that surprised him. "Nope. My Mum, that's his cousin, married a Muggle-born. Goes without saying that she didn't have that much contact with the 'toujours pur' family of the Blacks afterwards."

"Yes, well, Sirius had neither," Remus said.

"Yep, now that I've seen the house, I know why he ran away with sixteen. And I thought my place was a mess." Tonks smiled and for a moment there Remus caught himself being mesmerized by it. "But change of topic… You were in the Order last time, right?"

"Uh… right," Remus nodded, feeling as if he had been pulled out of a reverie.

"What was that like? What are you lot up to? I want to know everything." Tonks looked at him, her eyes widened with curiosity, and since she looked kind of cute so eager to hear about the old times, Remus slowly started telling her.

He lost track of time because apparently once you entered a conversation with this woman, she demanded all of your attention, but finally Remus noticed that the kids were ushered upstairs to bed and that those who weren't staying here got up to leave.

"You coming?" Moody asked Tonks sure enough.

"What? Yeah, right," she answered and jumped to her feet, knocking her chair over. She smiled apologetically.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, Nympha-"

"Don't you – ever – call me Nymphadora!" Tonks interrupted him at once.

Remus was startled. "Er, yes, sorry… Tonks."

She grinned. "See you all soon, I guess!" And she left with Kingsley, Mad-Eye and Bill.

"That was so typical of you, Moony. In the end you screw everything up again." Sirius dropped into a chair next to him, a huge grin on his face.

"What did I screw up?" Remus asked irritated.

"Your chances with my dear second cousin, of course," Sirius explained. "Oh, spare me the innocent look! You two talked all evening."

"Well, should we have looked at each other in silence instead?"

Sirius was still grinning. "Keep on pretending if you like. But don't forget who you're talking to. And don't forget to use her surname next time."

"I don't know what you're talking about." But Remus wasn't sure whether he tried to convince Sirius or himself.

His friend's eyes twinkled. "We'll see. And now, shall we find you a room with a most spectacular view at the starlit sky without the full moon?"

"That would be nice," Remus nodded and later, when he lay in bed, had no trouble falling asleep. But he had a strange dream about the heads of dead house elves, self peeling potatoes and bubble-gum pink hair.

* * *

><p>AN: I know nothing much happened yet. But I promise more is to come ;) Hope you liked it, nevertheless (and feel free to leave a review).


	2. Early mornings and birthday parties

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm really happy that you liked the first chapter. Here's the next one…

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>**: Early mornings and birthday parties**

"Dammit!"

Tonks jumped to her feet. She had just glanced at her watch and realised that she had been supposed to be at headquarters five minutes ago. Mad-Eye had asked her to be part of the advance guard that would accompany Harry Potter from the place of his Muggle relatives to number twelve Grimmauld Place. Tonks had actually been looking forward to that because she was curious to meet the boy.

So she hurried to leave the Auror headquarters now and immediately bumped into Rufus Scrimgeour, head of their department.

"Are we in a hurry, Tonks?" he asked, looking down on her because he was rather tall.

"Actually, yes, I am."

"And what is it that's so urgent?" Scrimgeour had a funny expression on his face.

Tonks frowned. "Well, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow, you know. And I forgot to get her a present. So I've got to go get her something before everything's closed."

She could tell that Scrimgeour wasn't impressed, but to her relief, he stepped aside. "Then congratulate her for me," he said coldly.

"Yeah, I'll do that." And Tonks sped away towards the lift and into the Atrium to leave the Ministry.

A few seconds later she knocked on the door of number twelve with her wand and entered. She didn't bother to take off her cloak, but hurried to descend the stairs into the kitchen.

"I know I'm…" In her hurry she tripped over her own feet and more or less fell down the stairs until she was caught by Remus Lupin. "… late," she concluded her sentence. "Thanks, Remus."

"No problem," he said and smiled.

"What kept you?" Sirius asked.

"Well, Scrimgeour is asking some funny questions lately," Tonks explained. No need to tell them that she had just lost track of the time again.

"Yes, I noticed that, too," Kingsley nodded and Tonks felt relieved that she wasn't the only one who had raised suspicion or been added to Scrimgeour's watch list for some other reason. "We need to be more careful."

"Right now, we need to organize," Moody growled and started explaining how the advance guard was supposed to work.

Tonks noticed that Lupin was looking at her and asked silently, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. I just noticed that you've changed your hair colour," he replied, looking sheepish.

Tonks grinned. "Yes, when I woke up this morning, I felt like violet. Do you prefer pink?"

"Wha-? No, whatever you like is fine… with me."

Tonks thought that he seemed to blush slightly and chuckled.

"Would you two honour us with your attention, too, or do I have to separate you?" Moody barked at them.

"Sorry, Mad-Eye," Tonks said and chuckled even harder. "So, you know Harry?" she asked, turning towards Remus once more.

His eyes darted towards Mad-Eye, who had started putting Disillusionment Charms on everyone, and nodded. "Yes, but only since the year I've been teaching him."

"What's he like?" Tonks asked. "I mean, being so famous and everything."

"He's an incredible young boy. Very much like his father, which doesn't tell you much of course," Remus added when he remembered that Tonks never knew the Potters.

"No, I wish I had been old enough when you all were in the Order for the first time. You all know each other and I'm left out…"

"No, you are not," Remus interrupted her. "You're a member of the new Order as much as I am. We wouldn't want to miss you."

"Really?" Tonks suddenly felt rather warm and fuzzy inside.

"Of course," Remus said and smiled.

Tonks beamed at him when she was suddenly knocked over the head with a wand. "Ouch! Not so hard, Mad-Eye!" she complained when she felt the Disillusionment Charm trickle down her body.

"We're leaving," Moody growled and the advance guard started moving. For a split-second Tonks grabbed Remus' hand and squeezed it before following Mad-Eye upstairs and out into the night.

* * *

><p>She could hardly keep her eyes open and did only vaguely notice how Molly placed a cup of coffee in front of her.<p>

"'anks, Molly," she muttered.

"You look terrible, my dear cousin," Sirius told her, who was sitting on the other side of the kitchen table. Tonks only stuck out her tongue.

"No, really, Tonks, why don't you go get some sleep?" Molly suggested. "I'm sure there's a free room upstairs."

Tonks shook her head. "No, I want to wish Harry," she yawned, "good luck for his hearing."

"Well, he will be thrilled about your enthusiasm." Sirius smirked.

"Oh, shut up! Or better yet, tell me when Remus is going to be back," Tonks demanded.

"I told you yesterday and the day before yesterday and the day before that, that I don't know," Sirius sighed.

Tonks blushed slightly. She had forgotten that she was bothering Sirius with that question for days now. It was just that… yeah, what exactly was it? It seemed to be less fun when Remus wasn't around and though she got along great with Molly, Arthur, Sirius and all the rest of them, she just missed talking to Remus. Without him it didn't even seem as amusing to choose a bright colour for her hair, which was why it was curly and blonde today – not bad, but without him noticing…

"At least drink your coffee then!" Molly demanded now and Tonks obeyed.

"Did I hear that you can get coffee around here?"

Tonks let her cup slip right through her fingers and jumped to her feet. "Remus!" When she noticed her broken cup, she looked apologetically at Molly. "Sorry, Molly."

"Never mind, dear," Mrs. Weasley said and sighed while waving her wand to repair the cup.

Tonks hurried towards Remus and felt the urge to hug him, but eventually decided otherwise and simply stopped in front of him.

"Hey, Tonks," he greeted her and she thought he sounded just as glad to see her as she felt. But then, perhaps she only wanted him to sound like that.

"Wotcher," she said and suddenly felt rather awkward, just standing here in front of him without doing anything. "Well, how are you?" she finally asked to break the silence.

"I'm fine, a bit tired, though," Remus replied.

"Join the club then," Tonks suggested and they walked back towards the kitchen table.

"Why? What's up?" Remus asked when they sat down.

"Been up all night. I think Scrimgeour has it in for me," Tonks explained.

Remus frowned. "You really have to be more careful, Tonks."

"Kingsley is already telling me that every other day. Why does everybody think that I don't know that myself?" she asked, feeling slightly exasperated.

"Well, you told us yourself that you almost failed in Stealth," Remus reminded her and added a "Thanks, Molly" when she gave him a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, well, alright," Tonks shrugged. Somehow it didn't make her as angry when Remus tried to give her advice than it did when Kingsley or Mad-Eye insisted on bothering her. "I better have another one of those, too." She looked at Remus' steaming cup of coffee. "I think I've got guard duty tonight." She stifled another yawn.

"I don't think you're up to that. Looks like you rather need a good night's sleep," Remus said.

Tonks looked at him. "Are you worried about me?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"What are you asking that for? Of course I care about you. We all do. That's why we are much better off than the Death Eaters," Remus replied, but avoided looking into her eyes.

"Remus is right. I could cover for you, Tonks," Arthur suggested, peering over the _Daily Prophet_ he was reading.

Tonks was still looking curiously at Remus, who was as determinedly avoiding her eyes. "Alright, thanks, Arthur," she replied.

Next Harry entered the kitchen. "M-m-morning, Harry," Tonks yawned and looked from Remus to the boy who looked quite ill.

Everybody present did their best to encourage Harry, but when Tonks patted him on the arm and told him that all would be well, she could imagine that nothing really got through to him. Well, she wouldn't be eager to attend such a hearing either.

As soon as Harry and Arthur had left, she asked, "Dumbledore will be there, right?"

"Of course, he will," Molly said, but the atmosphere was somewhat tense.

Finally, Tonks leaned over to Remus, "Well, how do you like my new hairstyle?"

* * *

><p>When Remus descended into the kitchen this morning, he was surprised to see that Molly and Sirius were about to decorate it with garlands, balloons and stuff like that.<p>

"Ah, morning, Moony," Sirius greeted him.

"Did you sleep well, dear?" Molly asked. "Would you like some bacon and eggs?"

But before Remus could actually reply anything to that, he was pushed into a chair and a huge breakfast plate was put down in front of him. "Thanks, Molly," Remus said, but was distracted from her attempt to feed him by Sirius, who cursed because a banner, he tried to put up, didn't seem to comply with his wishes.

"Uh… what are you doing?" Remus finally asked.

"Decorating for Tonks' party, of course," Molly chirped cheerfully.

"We are throwing a party for Tonks?" Remus looked mystified.

"Oh, did nobody tell you?" Molly looked startled and Sirius slightly guilty. "It's Tonks' birthday today."

Remus choked hard on a piece of bacon that got stuck in his throat. After Sirius had patted him on the back and his eyes had stopped watering, he croaked, "Tonks'… birthday… today?"

Sirius had managed to put up the banner over the dinner table, eventually, and sure enough it said: _"Happy Birthday, Nymphadora Tonks"._

"You might want to cross out 'Nymphadora'. I bet she'd love that," Molly suggested.

"Yeah, I intended to," Sirius agreed and waved his wand.

"Excuse me, why did no one bother to tell me?" Remus asked, slightly raising his voice.

Molly looked uncomfortable. "Well, we thought you'd know."

"Why would I?"

"Because you two are together all the time, mate," Sirius explained with a grin on his face.

"Well, we never talked about birthdays," Remus muttered.

"But Tonks will only drop by after work this evening. So now you know and no harm's been done," Molly said and smiled broadly before hurrying off.

But Remus wasn't sure whether he'd get off the hook that easily. It was alright for Molly who organized this party and made the food and everything. But was he, Remus, supposed to get her some kind of a present? But what would that be? He couldn't remember when he had last bought a present for a woman. A woman, not just a friend? Remus shook his head. What was wrong with him?

"Well, you better decide fast." Remus looked at Sirius questioningly. "What to get her for her birthday," he explained.

"So you think I should? Do you have a present for her?"

"I didn't really go out to get her something since that would have been difficult. But I found something while cleaning this damn house. But, well, I'm not the one interested in her." Sirius grinned. "Ah, I forgot, you're still in denial."

Remus decided to ignore that comment. "Even if I wanted to, I don't have the money to buy her anything nice, anyway," he muttered.

"And that's what you want to tell her?" Sirius asked.

"What other option do I have?"

Sirius patted him on the back. "There are presents you don't have to pay a single Knut for."

Feeling pretty annoyed, Remus remained in the kitchen, wondering what he should do. He didn't posses anything he could give to Tonks and he couldn't buy anything new either. Obviously, Sirius was right and he had to stop thinking about material things.

He could simply invite her to go and have a nice Butterbeer, which he would still be able to afford. It was nothing special really because they had already sat here in the kitchen after meetings, drinking Butterbeer. But at least they would get out of the house and they would be alone, a rather sheepish voice inside of him added, which Remus rigorously tried to ignore.

When the evening drew nearer, many members of the new Order arrived. In the end sitting or standing somewhere in the kitchen were Sirius and Remus, Arthur, Molly and Bill Weasley, Mad-Eye and Mundungus, Elphias Dodge and Dedalus Diggle, Emmeline Vance and Hestia Jones. Since Sturgis Podmore had been sentenced to several months in Azkaban after having tried (under the Imperius curse) to get into the Department of Mysteries, he was of course missing. And so was Kingsley Shaklebolt.

When Remus asked where he was, Molly smiled. "He's going to lure her here – to make sure that she doesn't change her mind. Oh, listen."

Sure enough, they heard footsteps, hushed voices and someone knocking over the umbrella stand with a crash.

"That's her," Remus said, a grin spreading across his face, and then Mrs. Black started screaming.

"Oh, shut up, you old hag!" Tonks' voice yelled. "I'm sorry, Kingsley."

"That's alright," they heard his reassuring answer and Sirius' mother fell silent. "Now, move along."

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Tonks asked while descending the stairs.

"On the count of three," Molly whispered. "One, two, three!"

And everyone, including the banner that hung over the table, started singing _'Happy Birthday'_. Tonks' eyes widened in surprise and she started to grin broadly, even though half of the choir sang _'Dear Nymphadora'_.

When they had finished singing, Tonks' eyes seemed to glisten with tears. "Oh, you are… just wonderful! Thanks! That's awesome!" And she started hugging everyone she met. Finally, she reached Remus, hesitated for a moment, but then gave him a hug, too.

"Happy Birthday, Tonks," he smiled.

"Thanks, Remus. Did you help to organize all of this?" She looked at him with her wide and happy dark eyes.

"Uh…" Remus hesitated and saw Sirius nod adamantly. "Well, sort of. But mostly it was Molly."

"Molly!" Tonks yelled and hurried away.

"You know, sometimes it's better to withhold a little information," Sirius told him.

Remus shrugged. "It didn't seem fair."

"All is fair in love and war, mate." Sirius grinned and Remus only shook his head.

They started eating (Molly had prepared a buffet table) and when Tonks had thanked every guest present, she appeared next to Remus again.

"This is one of my best birthdays ever," she told him, looking around happily.

Remus had to smile and his heart felt rather warm when he saw her this cheerful. Still, he had to ask her to please his curiosity, "Didn't your family want to celebrate with you?"

"Oh, well, you know that I'm an only child and I visited my parents this morning. And this," she pointed at the crowd, "is the rest of my family. Arthur and Molly are so great and Sirius, Mad-Eye, Kingsley and… you. I wouldn't have wanted to spend my birthday without you and the rest of them, of course."

Remus cleared his throat and looked at her. This was probably the right moment, but he was mesmerized by her hair once more. It was tomato red and waist long today.

Tonks smiled at him. "Do you like it?"

"Wha-? Uh, yes, it's very nice." They looked at each other and Remus opened his mouth.

"Hey, Tonks, over here! Presents!" It was Sirius.

Tonks gave Remus an apologetic smile and hurried over to where the others were gathering. Remus followed more slowly and wished he had hurried up a bit. Sirius seemed to realise only now that he had ruined his moment.

"Sorry, mate," he said and started supervising the unwrapping of the presents.

When Tonks had piled all her unwrapped presents and thanked everybody, Remus felt rather stupid. Now Tonks had to think that he was the only one who hadn't bothered to get her a present. But he didn't want to tell her now, in front of everyone. Suddenly his idea seemed pretty pathetic, anyhow. Unfortunately, Tonks seemed busy talking to everybody else and Remus was so distracted while waiting for an opportunity to catch her alone, that everyone who tried to talk to him gave up pretty soon.

Finally, Elphias, Emmeline and Hestia announced that they'd be leaving now and Tonks insisted on accompanying them to the door. Remus knew that this was even more pathetic, but he still followed them. When he climbed up the stairs, he heard Molly's voice behind him.

"And he's still pretending that he hasn't fallen for her?"

Remus didn't hear Sirius' answer because he had left the kitchen by now, but he didn't care, anyway. Yes, he cared about Tonks. He cared about her a great deal. He loved to see her smile and was fascinated by her looks. But that didn't mean that he had 'fallen for her', did it?

His thoughts were interrupted because he had reached the hall and Tonks had just closed the door again after the other three had left. She looked surprised when she saw him.

"Oh, Remus, don't go to bed just yet. It's so nice." She smiled at him.

"I didn't want to go to bed. I…" _…followed you to be alone with you… "_… would like to invite you to go and have a Butterbeer with me, you know as a birthday present."

"Oh, that's a great idea." Tonks beamed and Remus felt relief washing over him. "Uh… right now?"

"Oh, no, whenever you like. But, uh, maybe not next weekend," Remus said, remembering with some bitterness that the next full moon was approaching.

"Oh," Tonks looked sympathetic. "Alright."

"Well, shall we go back then?" Remus suggested and when they did, Sirius and Molly grinned broadly.

* * *

><p>AN: The 'date' is coming up. So stay tuned! (And in the meantime, reviews are greatly appreciated.)


	3. Going out on a date  kind of

**Chapter 3****: Going out on a date (kind of)**

"When are you going to leave?" Molly was – for a change – working in her own kitchen at the Burrow while Tonks sat at the table.

"I told him to pick me up here in about ten minutes," she replied after a glance at her watch.

"Not that I would mind, but why aren't you waiting for him at your place?"

Tonks bit her lip, looking sheepish. "Nah, I'd have to clean it up first and I didn't have the time or the nerves. I'm not so skilled at these household spells."

Molly smiled. "That will change when you start your own family."

"Oh, well, that could take a while," Tonks said, but didn't feel as uncomfortable at the thought as she had used to.

"Why? If everything goes well tonight…" Molly smiled.

Tonks choked on her tea. "We will just go out and get some Butterbeer. You know that, right?"

"Yes, that's exactly what Arthur and I did on our first date," Molly explained cheerfully.

"Yeah, well, you and Arthur had a date. Remus and I have…" Tonks struggled for words. "… something different."

"And what exactly would that be?" Molly asked.

"Uh… just two friends going out to have some fun?" Tonks suggested.

Molly looked at her and then sat down on the other side of the table. "Would it be so bad if it were a date? You do like him, don't you?"

"Of course I like Remus. He's sweet and he's got a great sense of humour. And it just feels… right to spend time with him." Tonks looked dreamily at nothing in particular until she noticed Molly's broad grin. "Oh, but I don't think _that_ was Remus' intention when he invited me to go out with him tonight. And I'm not sure about it either. It's quite a decision to make."

"Yes, well, as long as you stay open-minded, I'm sure everything will turn out… just right." Molly smiled and squeezed Tonks' hand.

At that moment the doorbell rang and Tonks jumped to her feet (her tea cup flew out of her hands and Molly caught it hastily). "Thanks for everything, Molly," she said before hurrying off to open the door.

She was a little taken aback when her eyes fell on Remus. He looked very tired and somehow… older. There were more lines in his face than the last time she'd seen him, which had been before the last full moon two days ago. Tonks was torn between smiling and pretending she hadn't noticed and asking whether he wouldn't rather catch up on some sleep.

"Hi, Tonks," Remus said, smiling, and she returned the smile instinctively.

"Wotcher."

"Ready to go?" Remus asked.

Tonks bit her lip. "Remus, don't take this wrong. But are you alright? Are you sure you want to go? I mean, we don't have to. We could just postpone… and do this the day after tomorrow, for example."

Remus furrowed his brows. "I'm fine."

"But you look exhausted," Tonks said quietly.

"Well, yes, but some distraction will be good for me. And I could use the company."

They locked eyes and Tonks felt utterly sorry for him. It was so incredibly unfair that he had to go through this terrible ordeal every month. But if he thought that going out with her would make him feel better, she wouldn't turn him down, of course. Quite the contrary, actually, it made her happy to think that there was something she could do for him. So Tonks nodded and they left the Burrow.

"So, where do you want to go?" Remus asked quite cheerfully.

"I haven't been to the '_Three Broomsticks_' in ages," Tonks said and Remus nodded approvingly.

They Disapparated and walked into Hogsmeade mere seconds later. When they entered the _Three Broomsticks_, they found themselves a nice table in a corner and Madame Rosmerta brought them two Butterbeer.

"You are pretty quiet today," Remus said after a while.

Tonks looked up. "Oh, I was just thinking… It must be terrible."

"What?"

"Well, to transform each month," Tonks replied and thought she heard Remus sigh. She could imagine that this was not his most favourite topic to start a conversation. But she couldn't stop thinking about it.

"You get used to it, somehow," Remus said. "Although it took me some time to readjust after I had become accustomed to be given the Wolfbane Potion…"

"The Wolfbane Potion?" Tonks asked, angry at herself for not knowing about it.

But Remus didn't seem surprised. "It's a relatively new and highly complicated Potion that enables the werewolf to remain in control of his faculties and just to wait until he transforms into his human form again, which is then also less painful. Snape made it for me while I was teaching at Hogwarts."

"But not anymore?"

Remus smiled weakly. "He would hardly see any reason to do it since we are not exactly the best of friends."

"Couldn't you just ask him? Or ask Dumbledore to ask Snape for you," Tonks suggested.

"I might consider it if the Potion weren't so difficult and it didn't take so much time to produce it."

"Oh, but I doubt that Snape has so many other important things to do that he couldn't squeeze it in – at least now that the school year's running."

Remus just smiled and said nothing. Tonks sipped at her Butterbeer and silently argued with herself whether she should ask her next question or if it was tactless and might cause him too much pain. But finally, her curiosity got the better of her. "How did it happen?" Remus looked mildly surprised. "You don't have to tell me," Tonks added hastily.

"No, it's alright." Remus looked out of the window for a few seconds and then back at her. "I was eight."

Tonks gasped. "Eight? Even before you started going to Hogwarts?"

Remus nodded. "Did nobody tell you? The Shrieking Shack owes me her name. I was brought there to transform and the Whooping Willow was planted as a means to prevent other students from following me. Dumbledore arranged it all. I owe him a lot. Not many headmasters would have allowed me to attend the school."

He paused. "But you asked how it happened. Well, there's not much to say about it. My father had offended Fenrir Greyback." (Tonks gasped once more.) "I see you've heard of him. And he did what he likes to do best. He bit my father's child, which is to say, me. For a long time I didn't know that it had been him. I even felt pity for the werewolf who had bitten me. I thought that he didn't have control over his actions. Now of course, I know better."

Tonks felt that her eyes were tearing up, but she didn't care. When Remus looked at her again, she reached for his hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Remus didn't react for a moment, but then he withdrew his hand. "You shouldn't be. And now let's change the subject. You tell me, how was it being a Metamorphmagus as a kid? I would imagine that it's similar to magic and that you can't control it at first?"

Tonks looked at him, but decided to comply with his wish to change the subject and smiled at the memory. "I had no control at all. Sometimes, I would walk around with rainbow coloured hair or two noses for days. But I caused the biggest trouble whenever I transformed into another person and my parents couldn't tell anymore which kid was their daughter."

Remus laughed at that and Tonks realised that he looked so much younger when he was cheerful. So she continued to talk about her youth and dug up all the amusing memories she could find.

Finally, it was getting rather late and they agreed to pay and leave. But when they stood outside on the High Street of Hogsmeade, neither one of them actually wanted the evening to be over. So without saying anything, they started ambling through Hogsmeade even though it was pretty cold outside. But Tonks wasn't cold, quite the opposite actually.

"I love coming here," she finally said. "It's nice to see Hogwarts again once in a while. I had such a good time there."

Tonks looked at Remus, expecting him to agree, but he seemed to hesitate. Actually, he looked rather sad and suddenly Tonks remembered that he had gone to school with the Potters and with the man who had betrayed them. "I'm sorry," she added hastily. "I didn't mean to bring up painful memories."

"No, it's fine." Remus shook his head. "There are painful memories, but you're right, of course. It really were great times – perhaps the best."

Now that was the more the answer she had expected. Tonks smiled. "Yeah, why?"

"Because I made friends there," Remus replied without any hesitation this time.

Tonks frowned. "Oh, come on, you made lots of friends in the Order, too."

"Which I joined because of my friendship with Lily and James and by extension with Dumbledore. Except for Molly and Arthur, who are entirely too good for this world, I have rarely made any true friends outside of Hogwarts."

"Then you have met the wrong sort of people because I couldn't imagine not wanting to be friends with you," Tonks told him because it was true.

Remus smiled sadly at her. "It's okay. I didn't tell you that because I want you to pity me. I've become used to it a long time ago."

"I didn't say that out of pity!" Tonks stopped and grabbed his arm to make sure he understood how serious she was about this. "I have met a whole bunch of amazing people since I was invited to join the Order, but you, Remus, are right on top of that list."

They looked at each other and for a moment Tonks thought that Remus might respond with more than the honest smile on his lips. But only for a moment. Then she let go of his arm and they kept on walking.

"I'd imagine that you never had any problems making friends," Remus said.

"Then you don't know me very well."

Now that seemed to shock him because this time he was the one who stopped. "What? How can anyone not like you? I mean, what's not to love about you?"

A huge smile spread across Tonks' face when he said that and again she stared into his eyes, wondering whether his choice of words had been intentional. But when Remus only stood there, looking at her and expecting an answer, she tried to abandon those thoughts.

"Well, I'm a clumsy, sometimes even a little psycho or at the very least hyperactive Metamorphmagus. That tends to scare people away most of the times," she explained.

Remus shook his head. "It didn't scare me."

"And that's why I'm really glad I met you, Remus."

They both smiled at each other and there was another meaningful silence – or was she only imagining things? In any case, she did start shivering from the cold now even though she felt all warm and fuzzy inside. But Remus couldn't see that.

"It's getting cold," he said. "I guess we should head back home."

Tonks nodded and tried to hide her reluctance. "I enjoyed this evening very much," she said instead and suddenly remembered what Molly had said about this being a date.

"Me, too," Remus replied and she had never before seen him smile like that. It suited him. Very well, in fact.

But before Tonks could act on any of these strange thoughts (and probably do something stupid), she said, "Well, goodnight then, Remus." And without thinking about it, she stepped forward and kissed him gently on the cheek. "See you around," she added hastily and Disapparated.

* * *

><p>Christmas was approaching rapidly and Tonks felt extremely cheerful. Not only did she like Christmas and the brightness and happiness of it all; she had also managed to get the perfect present for Remus – the one she had wanted to give him for quite some time now. Unfortunately, she wasn't sure whether she would even see him on Christmas Day because her parents had asked her to come and visit them. Well, there would certainly be time for a pit stop at headquarters.<p>

But on the morning of the 24th she was woken up rather unexpectedly by a silver Patronus, which suddenly appeared in her bedroom, and despite her sleepiness, Tonks recognised it to be Molly's. Sure enough it spoke with Molly's voice.

"_Arthur has been attacked by You-know-who's snake last night. Could you come to headquarters to protect the kids when__ we're leaving for St. Mungo's?"_

Tonks felt thunderstruck and stared into thin air even when Molly's Patronus had disappeared. The news had come as unexpected as if someone had doused her with icy water. Molly hadn't said whether Arthur was alright… The Order had of course lost members before, but not Arthur Weasley… it was simply too horrible to even think about. And attacked by You-know-who's snake while being on guard duty? Tonks shivered at the thought... she had been standing on the same spot the previous night.

Finally, she jumped out of bed and hastened to get dressed. Then she left and Disapparated on the spot. Just when Tonks had stepped over the threshold of number twelve Grimmauld Place, she met Remus, who had just descended the stairs into the hall.

"Remus!" she called and flung her arms around his neck. Her eyes were leaking tears and her voice was shaking. "Arthur… attacked… it's so horrible…"

She felt that Remus had been surprised at first, but then he closed his arms around her and patted her back reassuringly. "I know. But he's going to be fine."

Tonks couldn't stop sobbing right away. She wanted to let go of Remus, but her arms didn't obey her. "Are you sure?" she hiccupped.

"Yes, Molly told us. And she's been talking to the Healers," Remus explained patiently.

"Oh thank goodness." Tonks closed her eyes for a moment. "But still, attacked by the snake… the mere thought… any one of us could have been…" she trailed off. Of course it was terrible that it had been Arthur, but still, if it had been Remus… Tonks didn't even dare to think about that any further and shook her head.

"I know," Remus said and sounded strangely hoarse. Was he possibly thinking about the same thing? About what would have been if it had been her? Because he seemed to turn rather pale now and tighten his grip around her.

Finally, Tonks stepped back a little to be able to look at him. It seemed as if Remus wanted to raise his hand to wipe away her tears. But before he could actually touch her cheek, they heard footsteps and Molly entered the hall. Immediately, Tonks pulled away from Remus and dashed to give her a hug.

"Oh, Molly, it's so terrible. I came as fast as I could," she said and released the smaller woman again.

"Thanks, Tonks." Molly smiled weakly. "The kids are all downstairs. As soon as Mad-Eye arrives, we'll depart for St. Mungo's. Thank god, Arthur's going to be alright."

Tonks nodded while Molly returned into the kitchen to tell the kids to get ready. Now Remus appeared next to her again. "By the way, your hair is missing some colour."

Only now Tonks realised that she had turned positively white at the shock of the news and in her hurry had forgotten to give her white hair any colour. Now that she knew that Arthur would be fine and that everyone was safe for now, she closed her eyes and when she opened them again, she saw Remus smiling at her pink hair.

A few minutes later Mad-Eye arrived and they left for St. Mungo's. They could all convince themselves that Arthur was – under the circumstances – fine. When they got back to headquarters, Tonks quickly left to get her present for Remus and gave it to him when they stood alone in the hall.

Remus looked surprised. "But I thought we said…"

"Yeah, I know, never mind that now," Tonks said impatiently. "Open it!"

He did and held a huge bottle filled with a familiar liquid in his hands. "That's not…?"

"Wolfbane Potion, it is," Tonks confirmed, grinning broadly.

Remus looked at her in disbelief. "Where did you get it?"

"I've got certain contacts."

"But you do remember that I told you that it is an extremely complicated potion? Only a very accomplished Potions master could have succeeded in producing it correctly."

"I've got it from a very accomplished Potions master. Trust me." Tonks smiled.

Remus looked at her as if he tried to x-ray her. "You didn't ask Snape, did you?"

Tonks just continued to smile.

"You did?" Remus looked flabbergasted. "And he agreed?"

"Well, _I_ don't have any history with him, except being one of his least favourite students. But I'm pretty hard to shake off once I've set my mind on something. Although I'm afraid he did it only this one time. Still, at least you can enjoy the holidays now."

He stared at her. "Tonks, you really are the most incredible witch I have ever met!" His eyes were shining brightly and this time Tonks was absolutely sure that she didn't imagine the fondness with which he looked at her.

Tonks' smile broadened and she felt that nothing could have made her happier than seeing him this cheerful. "Merry Christmas, Remus!"

* * *

><p>AN: So, did you like it? And don't worry, I promise a kiss is coming up soon. But if you've read the books, you know that things are not that easy with one Remus John Lupin.


	4. A kiss before the world ends

**Chapter 4: A kiss ****before the world ends**

They were walking down the street while a pretty cold wind was blowing in their faces. Remus eyed the dark clouds above them slightly worried and sighed. Well, it was only March, but still he thought that spring could get a move on. Although, right now, he didn't really care that much because he had just spent the best birthday he'd probably ever had.

That's why he smiled at the woman walking next to him now. "Thanks again, Tonks, for the invitation. The dinner was great."

Tonks beamed at him. "My pleasure."

A distant rumble resounded from somewhere above their heads and Remus glanced at the sky just when the first rain drop hit his face. Immediately, there followed more. "Well, it seems I should better get going."

Tonks bit her lip. "Why don't you come with me to my place – for a cup of hot tea or something?"

Remus looked at her, thinking about her suggestion. There was no doubt that he loved spending time with Tonks. But being alone with her in her flat… for some reason that thought made him feel slightly uneasy. However, the weather was getting worse – soon it would be raining cats and dogs – and if he hesitated any longer they'd be soaking wet.

So he nodded. Tonks smiled, took his hand, and they Disapparated immediately. Next, Remus found himself entering Tonks' living room.

"Uh, it's not very tidy. I wasn't expecting any visitors – not that it would look much better then…"

Remus just smiled. "It's alright. I think it's very comfortable."

He looked around. The room was almost as colourful as Tonks' hair. It was crammed with furniture (nothing did really fit together) and lots of other knick-knacks. The walls were decorated with pictures and posters. He spotted Gwenog Jones, head of the Holyhead Harpies, a poster with the Weird Sisters on it and of course a Hufflepuff banner.

But there were also some framed pictures of a more personal nature. Remus took a photo of a man and a woman off the mantelpiece. The man was rather short and big bellied, but he had exactly the same kind face Remus knew so well. The woman next to him was completely different. You could tell immediately that she was a Black. She was rather tall, had dark, fathomless eyes, brown hair and looked absolutely beautiful, but strangely familiar.

"That's your parents, right?" Remus asked when Tonks came back into the living room, having changed into fresh robes, which reminded Remus that he had to dry his own.

"Yep," Tonks nodded and looked at Remus rather than at the picture. "You're thinking of Bellatrix Lestrange, aren't you?"

Remus winced. Now it struck him why Tonks' mother had looked vaguely familiar, although he had never met Andromeda Black. "Well, they look somewhat alike," he admitted.

"Yes, though not for me. I never found it even remotely possible to compare the two of them, but well, she's my Mum. Everybody else is saying it, though."

Remus looked at the picture again. "You just have to look closer, I guess. Her eyes – they look very kind, nothing at all like Bellatrix would."

Tonks smiled at him and Remus realised that she had inherited her mother's beauty, though. "Did you ever actually meet Bellatrix?" he asked after putting the picture back.

"Not really." Tonks busied herself with emptying the small table near the sofa and then bringing them two cups of tea. "When my mother married my Dad, both Bellatrix and Narcissa would have rather killed her than spent any more time with her – or that is, with her half-blood child."

Remus stared at her for a few seconds, but Tonks just shrugged and indicated him to sit down next to her.

"It wasn't a big loss, really," Tonks said and handed him one of the two tea cups.

They continued to talk and time went by until Remus finally noticed that it was past midnight. "I really should be going," he said and got up.

Tonks followed his example. "Or you could just stay here." Remus couldn't hide his surprise and Tonks shrugged. "It's pretty late after all and… you never know." She looked at him almost pleadingly. "You can have the couch. It's not that bad."

Remus met her dark, twinkling eyes and sighed. "Alright, if it's no… inconvenience for you."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Tonks replied happily and started preparing the couch for him. When she was done, she looked a little sheepish. "Well, have a good night, Remus."

"Good night," he replied and watched how Tonks vanished into her bedroom.

He felt a bit strange when he lay down on the couch. It would have taken him only a few seconds to leave her flat and Disapparate to Grimmauld Place, and he couldn't help wondering whether Tonks had actually been afraid that something could happen to him or whether she'd had other reasons to ask him to stay. But what other reasons would that be? She hadn't even kissed him goodnight as she did occasionally.

Remus shook his head. What the hell was he thinking? Tonks had asked him to stay because she was erring on the side of caution – as they should these days. There was nothing more to it! Still, it hadn't been the first time that Remus had caught himself having strange thoughts. He could picture Sirius' grin and sighed when he thought about what his friend would say if he discovered that Remus had spent the night at Tonks' place. Best not to think about it anymore. It would only give him a headache.

And he turned around and indeed fell asleep because next Remus was suddenly awakened by a scream.

Tonks' scream.

In a matter of seconds Remus was on his feet and with his wand at the ready he dashed into her bedroom (tripping over several things on his way). The room lay in total darkness, but he could still see that no one else was there. Slightly irritated Remus lowered his wand and realised that Tonks was still asleep. But she was thrashing around in her bed, her face distorted with fear.

"NO!" she screamed again and Remus finally understood that she was having a nightmare. He was about to move closer to wake her up when she screamed once more, "No! REMUS! Don't be dead! Please…!"

He felt rooted to the spot, staring at Tonks' face, which was now actually wet with tears. Remus' heart was pounding fast. Tonks had a nightmare about his death! Well, everybody in the Order knew that they could lose other members every day. But she was not crying over Mad-Eye's or Kingsley's death, but over his own.

Tonks screamed again and Remus was suddenly angry with himself. He was standing here like an idiot, wondering whether there was a special meaning to this nightmare, while Tonks was in pain, and he just watched.

Remus hurried forwards now and grabbed Tonks' shoulders. "Hey, Tonks, it's alright. You're just dreaming. It's only a bad dream."

Tonks stopped jerking, but continued to murmur his name until she finally opened her eyes. "Remus?"

"I'm here. It's alright. It was just a nightmare," he told her.

Her dark, fathomless eyes looked at him, trying to comprehend, and then she flung her arms around his neck. "Don't leave me," she sobbed.

Remus felt a lump in his throat. "I won't," he said silently. Obviously satisfied Tonks sunk back onto her pillows, but did not let go of him. "Uh, Tonks…"

"Just stay," she whispered and her voice sounded so pleading that Remus just sighed and lay down beside her. His heart started beating like crazy when Tonks snuggled up to him. He felt unable to move, unable to touch her. This was far too close. But when Remus saw the peaceful expression on her beautiful face, a smile played around his lips and he put an arm around her after all.

When Remus opened his eyes again, Tonks was awake, too, and she was looking at him. "Uh… not that I would mind, but why exactly are you sleeping in my bed?"

Remus jumped and sat up to get some distance between them. "Uh… you had… a nightmare."

Tonks looked at him and comprehension seemed to dawn on her face. "Oh, right," she just said.

Remus bit his lip. Should he ask? "Tonks… this nightmare…"

"Would you care for breakfast?" she interrupted him cheerfully.

"What?"

Tonks got out of bed. "Breakfast," she repeated. "Are you hungry?" But she did not wait for his answer and vanished.

And Remus ate breakfast with an extremely cheerful Tonks who made every effort, however, not to talk about the previous night or her nightmare in particular. Finally, Remus accepted her behaviour and decided that it was probably for the best. He still felt uneasy when he thought about what spending a night with Tonks could mean. She was still supposed to be 'only a friend', after all.

* * *

><p>Remus had still been asleep, dreaming some pretty awful stuff about drinking a Wolfbane Potion that didn't work, when something woke him up. It was still early in the morning. But considering his recent nightmare he wasn't really upset about that. Sitting up, Remus realised that what had woken him up (besides Mrs. Black's screeching, of course) were angry voices, now descending into the kitchen.<p>

Remus hurried to get dressed, afraid that the yelling meant that something had gone terribly wrong – something that involved Harry or Voldemort – which everything did, lately. But when Remus hurried down into the hallway, he recognized Mad-Eye's voice and relaxed a little. Mad-Eye yelled often, catastrophe or not.

"You are the clumsiest person my eyes have ever seen – and I mean both of them! I can't believe you qualified for being an Auror! You're a threat to everybody who tries to work with you!"

Remus had been about to turn around again because this was obviously a personal matter when a female voice answered. "Yeah? Then why did you make me your protégé, eh? If I'm that awful?"

It was Tonks. That caused Remus to hesitate. It was still a personal matter, but if it involved Tonks… Slowly, Remus started descending the stairs into the kitchen.

"That's a question I've asked myself numerous times," Moody growled now. "Must have been out of my mind at the time."

"Yeah, I love you, too, Mad-Eye," Tonks shot back.

Remus cleared his throat now. "Uh, is something wrong?" he asked innocently.

Moody, whose magical eye must have known that he was there the entire time, just sighed. "Mornin', Remus. You can have her. I'm done." Having said that, he clonked towards the stairs. "But one more thing…"

"Constant vigilance," Remus and Tonks said at the same time. Moody muttered something under his breath and left the kitchen.

Remus waved his wand and conjured up two cups of tea before sitting down next to Tonks at the kitchen table. "You okay?" he asked her.

She smiled at him as she always did, but she looked tired and a bit shaken, which made her smile less bright than usual. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Remus," she said, reaching for the tea cup.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"Mad-Eye wanted to test our own defences at the Department of Mysteries to make sure that what happened to Sturgis or Arthur won't happen again." Tonks sighed. "But you know Mad-Eye. He always goes overboard with stuff like this. Anyway, I kind of tripped over something and that didn't only ruin our element of surprise, but also got the Ministry security on our heels."

Tonks sipped at her tea cup. "But nothing happened. We're all fine."

Remus nodded, relieved that it had basically been much ado about nothing. "Why did you decide to become an Auror?" he asked because he suddenly realised that he had never asked her that before.

"You mean because I'm such a failure?" she asked.

"You are a lot of things, Tonks, but not a failure," Remus said emphatically. "And Mad-Eye knows that, too. Otherwise he would have never taken you under his wing."

Tonks smiled thankfully at him. "Anyway, you asked how I became an Auror. I was kind of fond of the idea ever since we'd had career advice in our fifth year. And when it was actually about time to make a decision, I thought that I should choose a career in which being a Metamorphmagus would actually do me some good. Becoming an Auror fitted that bill so I went through with it."

"And the job didn't scare you at all?" Remus asked.

Tonks laughed. "Fear was something my seventeen-year-old self didn't know. But at the time You-know-who was gone and I had no idea…" She trailed off. "Now things have changed quite a bit and I'll admit I'm a little scared – scared that I won't be able to do a damn thing that will help stop You-know-who…"

"I know it can seem hopeless at times. But we've been here before and we still have Dumbledore on our side. We just need to have some faith," Remus told her seriously.

Tonks looked at him and then rested her head on his shoulder. "Yah, right now here with you, I have all the faith I need."

At first, Remus wanted to feel uncomfortable again or rather he expected to feel uncomfortable. But he didn't. So he just smiled.

* * *

><p>It was June by now and unfortunately, things were not looking up. Although Voldemort hadn't yet managed to lay hands on the Prophecy, he had been joined by ten of his most faithful supporters after a mass break out from Azkaban, while Dumbledore had been forced to leave Hogwarts, which was now under the Ministry's control.<p>

Remus was sitting in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, next to Sirius and Mad-Eye, and Kingsley and Tonks were arriving just now. The latter smiled at Remus and dropped into a chair next to him.

"He's not here yet?" Kingsley asked in his deep voice, referring to Dumbledore for whose arrival they were all waiting.

"Nope," Sirius replied.

"But he should arrive soon," Remus nodded.

But something else arrived instead. A message from Snape in the form of his Patronus appeared and the cold voice of the Potions master was audible in the kitchen, _"Request information about Black's whereabouts. Potter seems under the impression that he's in danger."_

Sirius jumped to his feet and everyone else stirred in surprise.

"What in the name of Merlin's underpants is that all about?" Tonks asked, puzzled.

"Why should Potter think that you are in danger?" Kingsley wondered.

"Maybe he had another vision," Moody growled.

"In that case that would be a false one and you better tell Snape so immediately." Remus looked at Sirius, who nodded and waved his wand. A silver dog erupted from its tip and vanished.

A rather tense silence filled the room afterwards and all attempts at starting a conversation died down again quickly.

Finally, a few hours later Snape's Patronus appeared again. _"Potter and his friends did not return to the castle. They could have left for the Department of Mysteries to save Black, as they think. It's likely to be a trap of the Dark Lord. Suggest sending someone to their rescue and request Black to stay behind to inform Dumbledore."_

The impact of this piece of news became immediately noticeable. Everybody jumped to their feet and Sirius looked furious. "Stay behind? I make him stay behind next time I meet him!"

"But he's right that we need someone to stay behind to inform Dumbledore!" Remus said, although he knew that there was no way to convince Sirius to stay behind now.

"However, if it is a trap, there will be several Death Eaters waiting for us and we'd be seriously outnumbered if we are not all going," Kingsley interjected.

"Yeah, well, I'm not staying, anyway," Sirius barked impatiently.

"We are going to fight," Mad-Eye agreed and Tonks nodded.

"We can tell Kreacher to inform Dumbledore," Sirius suggested and called for the house elf immediately.

While he was busy explaining everything to the elf and all the others got ready, Remus pulled Tonks aside. "Hey, uh, you'll be careful, right? I need you… to be careful."

Tonks just looked at him for a few seconds. Then she suddenly gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "I will be as long as you are, too."

But Remus never got the chance to reply anything to that or to react to her kiss because they were ready to leave now and did so at once. They entered the Ministry and dashed through the Atrium. While they were proceeding towards the Department of Mysteries, Remus watched Sirius, whose face was set. He knew that his only thought was saving Harry.

Next they darted into the Room of Death, which looked quite similar to an amphitheatre, and sure enough found Harry and Neville surrounded by at least five Death Eaters. They didn't hesitate for a second. Tonks sent Stunning Spells at Malfoy, Kingsley engaged in battle with Rockwood and Sirius with Dolohov. Remus got rid of Mulciber, but next saw Moody's magical eye rolling across the floor and cursed.

He tried to get to Harry and Neville so that he could get them to safety and saw out of the corner of his eye that Tonks was duelling with her aunt Bellatrix now. Malfoy got in his way and when Remus had finally managed to get him off his sleeve, a horrific view met him. Tonks was falling from halfway up the stone steps, her limb form toppling from stone seat to stone seat while Bellatrix shouted triumphant.

"Tonks!" Remus called her name, feeling horrified, although he knew that it was senseless. He could do nothing to help her now. He could only hope that she was just unconscious and would be fine. He didn't dare to think of anything worse.

But now that Moody and Tonks were both down, it didn't look good for them. Sirius was now duelling with Bellatrix instead and Remus hurried to jump between the two boys and Malfoy, who had his wand pointed at them.

"Harry, round up the others and GO!" he yelled and blocked a curse from Malfoy. He barely heard the two boys leaving and then Dumbledore arrived all of a sudden. Hope washed over Remus instantly. In a matter of seconds as it seemed, Dumbledore had rounded up all the Death Eaters and bound them with an Anti-Disapparation-charm.

Only Sirius and Bellatrix were still duelling and just when Remus looked at them, Sirius was hit in the chest by another jet of light. This time Remus couldn't even scream while he watched, terrified, how Sirius fell backwards through the veil. But he needed to control his own pain because Harry started shouting for Sirius and hurried towards the veil. Remus hastened to stop him and told him that there was no point – that Sirius was dead, but he wouldn't listen. When Harry finally realised that Sirius would not reappear, he pulled away from Remus and ran after Bellatrix. Remus wanted to follow, but Dumbledore indicated him not to.

So he hurried towards where Tonks lay instead. She didn't look good at all. She was extremely pale and her breathing so shallow that it was hard to make out. Blood was dripping from her mouth. Terrible fear slammed into Remus' gut. He could not lose her, too. He just couldn't.

Kingsley appeared next to him. "Moody's not looking good either," he said.

Remus sighed and looked at Tonks' pale and motionless face which was now in sharp contrast to her colourful, pink hair.

* * *

><p>He was hurrying through the Spell Damage floor of St. Mungo's and searching for the right door. But before he had found it, he crashed into Dumbledore.<p>

"How's Minerva?" Remus asked politely, remembering that she had been hit by four Stunning Spells.

"She will make a full recovery, as will Nymphadora," Dumbledore replied and they exchanged a look of mutual understanding before Remus hurried on.

Finally, he found the right door and stepped into the room. There were several beds inside, but right now Tonks was the only inhabitant of the room.

"Thank goodness!" she cried as soon as she saw him and tried to sit up. "No one's telling me anything in here. Those damn Healers say I am not to get agitated."

"Hey, easy there, Tonks," Remus said and sat down on the side of her bed. "We only want you to get well again."

"I will if you tell me what's going on!" she demanded.

Remus sighed. "Alright, Voldemort did not manage to get the Prophecy. Dumbledore duelled with him and he fled. Harry's safe and the Ministry had no choice but to accept that Voldemort is back. It was on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_."

Tonks let out a whistle. "But you look like there's something else. Something's wrong, isn't it?"

Remus felt a lump in his throat. He had managed to avoid thinking about Sirius by worrying about Tonks instead. But he finally had to accept that the last one of his old friends had left him. "Sirius… he's dead."

It was even worse to say it out loud than he had anticipated. A pain rather similar to the one he had felt at James' and Lilly's death seemed to twist his insides and only looking at Tonks prevented unshed tears from falling.

The little colour Tonks had gained back was leaving her again. "Dead?" she whispered. "No! How?"

"Bellatrix." It was everything Remus managed to say.

"No! If only I had finished her off, she would have never…"

"It wasn't your fault," Remus interrupted her gently but determined. He had expected her to say this.

The tears he was so stubbornly holding back, glistened in Tonks' eyes now. "It's not fair."

"No," Remus' voice sounded hoarse when he heard Sirius' voice in his head: '_All is fair in love and war_'. "But he died in battle. It was the way he would have hoped for. He died to save Harry."

"Still, he shouldn't have died at all." A few tears were now running down Tonks' cheeks. "No one should be dying. But still it seems like we're losing everybody."

"Yes, for a moment there I almost thought I'd lost you," Remus said silently.

Tonks looked at him. "Life's too short," she whispered.

Remus looked right back at her. Her dark eyes were still leaking tears, but they were absolutely beautiful and though shaken by grief, her face was soft and kind. He touched her hair, her always changing hair, which still fascinated him. And suddenly he longed to feel her lips on his again and not to be parted from her ever again. Tonks was right, after all. Life was too short.

Just when Remus realised that he had steadily moved closer, she covered the last distance between them and again pressed her lips to his own. But this time it was a real kiss and it filled Remus with a warmth and amazement he had never experienced before. He put his arms around her to pull her even closer.

Everything he had ever wanted, everything he had hoped for, seemed to be right here in his arms. And Remus realised that Sirius had been right. He had been in denial. He had fallen in love with this incredible woman and nothing seemed to make him happier than kissing her now. He'd stay with her forever.

No, he wouldn't, a silent, but honest voice said inside of him.

In a few days time the full moon would be upon them again. And once more he would transform into a deadly beast. And afterwards he would again look older.

That's what he really was, after all.

Old, poor and dangerous.

What would a young, beautiful and gifted woman like Tonks want with him? How could he have ever dreamed of being with her when he had known all along that she deserved someone much better, someone who was whole and not as tormented? No, he wasn't good enough for her. This had been nothing but a pleasant dream – a dream in which he was no outcast, no bloody werewolf.

Remus pulled back.

Tonks looked at him questioningly. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I have to go," Remus said hoarsely.

"What?" Tonks gasped at him. "But why? I… don't… don't you care about me?"

"That's not the point. I'm not… right for you," he explained harshly.

"What do you mean 'not right for me'?" Tonks asked.

"Don't you see that this is – always has been – nothing but a nice fantasy? We can never be together." Remus got up.

"No," Tonks grabbed his arm. "You can't seriously believe that. All this time…"

"I'm too old for you, Tonks, too poor, not to mention dangerous." Remus turned away.

"But I don't care! I told you so when we first met! I DON'T CARE!" Tears were now streaming down her cheeks – tears which had nothing to do with her dead second cousin.

Remus turned around at the door. "But I do, Tonks, I do. I'm sorry." And he couldn't stand looking at her any longer. He had to leave now or he might have given in, after all. He was shaking rigorously. The pain inside him was almost unbearable.

But it was the right thing to do. He did it for Tonks. She deserved someone better than him. And he had learned to live with pain a long time ago.

* * *

><p>AN: What do you think? I know Rowling said that Snape avoided using his Patronus with the Order so that no one would notice that it's a doe, but I couldn't come up with another safe way of delivering a message so I decided to ignore that. Hope you don't mind and enjoyed this chapter ;)


	5. A parting of ways

**Chapter 5: A Parting of Ways**

Something that felt incredibly like nausea was twisting her insides and every single muscle of her body seemed tense. Tonks couldn't remember ever feeling this… nervous before – not even the night before her Stealth and Tracking exams she'd had to pass to qualify as an Auror. But Tonks wasn't sure whether 'nervous' was really the right word to describe how she was feeling. What she was about to do felt like one of the few really important things in her life.

So of course, her hand was shaking madly when she reached out to knock on the old and colourless door she had been staring at for a while now. Tonks heard someone approach the door on the other side and then an only too familiar voice spoke.

"Who's there?"

"It's me, Tonks," she replied and wished her voice would stop shaking so much.

There was only silence on the other side and Tonks wondered whether she was expected to prove that it was indeed her. "My name is Nymphadora, but I kill everyone who tries to call me that, well, everyone except Dumbledore. And… and I'm the one you left behind at St. Mungo's," she added quietly.

Finally, the door was opened and there was Remus, looking older than ever. "Why did you come here, Tonks?" he asked.

Tonks winced. But she couldn't give up on her last hope just yet. "Can I come in?"

She could see the reluctance in Remus' eyes, but eventually, he decided that he couldn't just leave her standing there in the doorway. So he stepped aside.

Tonks hurried to rush past him (in case he changed his mind) and headed straight for the living room. It was pretty dark and depressing in there, but she didn't care. She had always known that there had to be a reason why Remus had never wanted her to come over – as if anything could shock her when it came to messy flats.

She turned around and looked at Remus. He stubbornly avoided her eyes, however. "We need to talk," she told him nevertheless.

"I don't know what there is to talk about," Remus replied coldly.

Tonks bit her lip. She had been so sure – sure that it had been the shock of losing his best friend, Sirius, that had caused Remus to push her away during his visit at St. Mungo's. She had tried to convince herself that he only needed some time to deal with his pain. But he was so cold, so reluctant… He wouldn't even look at her!

"Well, then let me do the talking. We both know I'm good at that, anyway," Tonks said and had no idea where the strength in her voice had come from. "You can't just dump me like that, Remus. You can't kiss me like you did and then tell me that you're sorry, but we can't be together. And this rubbish you talked about…"

Tonks took a deep breath as if that gave her the strength to continue. "There are lots of couples with a difference in age – who cares? And I was never interested in money, either. What do you want with money, anyway, now that Voldemort is trying to take over the entire wizarding world again? And there is no gentler or more compassionate person than you. You are so much better than most people I know. So what does it matter that you transform one night per month?"

"It matters everything to me," Remus replied simply.

"Well, then you can worry about it for the both of us. Don't you see, Remus? I'm not looking at a werewolf right now. I'm looking at _you_!" Tonks stepped closer, forcing him to look into her eyes.

"But you are the only one to make a difference there," Remus said, looking away again.

"That is not true, Remus, and you know it! But even if it were true, what does it matter what other people think as long as we know better?"

"What does it matter?" Remus repeated, and finally, he looked at her. "You have no idea. You have no idea how life's been for me."

"Why, then tell me, Remus!" Tonks could hear that it sounded more like a plea than a command, but she didn't care – especially, since Remus only dropped his gaze and became silent again.

"I know it has been difficult for you," Tonks continued in a desperate attempt to remind him that he had opened up to her occasionally, that she knew him better than anyone else did, at least now that Sirius was dead. "But why won't you let me in your life then? Why won't you let me make it better?"

"You mean, why don't I let you join my miserable and pathetic way of living? Why don't I let you destroy everything you have earned yourself?" Remus stepped away from her.

Tonks followed him, afraid that any physical distance would also worsen the emotional rift between them. "But why would you think that you'd destroy my life? There is no way you could do that. You would make it better… more complete."

"Oh please, stop being so naïve!" Tonks stared at Remus, who glared at her now. His voice sounded even colder than before if that was even possible. It was pure bitterness.

"You might have convinced yourself that living with a well-known werewolf would be a nice fairy-tale. But I was the one who had to keep moving from one place to the next his entire life, searching for a place to stay and for a job to do. And I was the one who was forced to leave again and again because no one, _no one_ wants to live with a bloody beast like me! Stop deluding yourself, Tonks! I am an outcast! And there is no way in hell I will let you join me in that fate!"

There was a fire in Remus' eyes, a shadow of something, a shadow of the wolf. That shocked Tonks quite a bit and she was shaken from his outburst, but she wouldn't, couldn't give up just now.

"I'm not deluding myself," she said with as much determination as she could muster. "I know how hard it is to be _different_. In case you haven't noticed, being able to change your appearance tends to upset people, too. But there is something you are determined not to see. I don't want to live with any of those small-minded idiots! I want to live with _you!_ I don't care if they point with their fingers at me or whatever because I have a newsflash for you, they've been doing that my entire life!"

Remus looked at her and thankfully, the wolf had vanished again. There was only frustration left which was not much better, though. "You think being a Metamorphmagus is comparable to being a werewolf? People might be surprised by your abilities at first, but then they find it quite charming. They are _terrified_ of me. You have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about."

"Oh no, I do understand," Tonks shot back now. "Your inferiority complex is so big that you can't comprehend that there might actually be someone who wants you! Someone who doesn't see you as the werewolf, but as the person you truly are – Remus John Lupin and the damn best man I've ever met!"

Now Remus simply turned his back on her. "Give it a rest, Tonks."

"The hell I will!" Tonks yelled and then decided to just take the plunge. "I can't give it a rest because I love you. Did you hear me? I LOVE YOU, YOU STUPID IDIOT! What do you want me to do? What must I do for you to understand? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, LOOK AT ME! Look at me and tell me!"

For a moment Remus just stood there, motionless, but then he turned around. "I have to go," he said.

Tonks swayed because she felt like someone had just pulled the rug out from under her. "What?" she whispered.

"I have to go," Remus repeated simply. "I have a job to do for the Order, as you very well know."

Tonks shook her head in disbelief. He couldn't just go – not after what she had just told him. "What… job?" she asked, only to keep him talking to her. But then she remembered. "No." Her eyes widened. "You're not talking about going to join… to join…"

"My kind, yes, where I belong," he replied and reached for his travelling cloak.

"NO!" Tonks dashed forwards and clang to him as if it were dear life. "Don't go! It's too dangerous. Dumbledore was crazy when… I… don't go to _him_! You belong with me!"

Remus shook her off, looking almost disgusted. "No, that's what I was trying to tell you. I don't." And he opened the door and left.

Tonks hurried after him. "REMUS! No! Don't go!"

But he had Disapparated and Tonks broke down crying.

She usually didn't cry much. She hated feeling depressed. It just wasn't in her nature. But right now she couldn't help it. She couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheeks. He had just left, left her here, crying. He hadn't seemed to care at all that she loved him. It had come as a surprise to her, too, since she'd never felt like that about any other man before. But how couldn't it make any difference to him? How could he just walk out on her?

She absolutely refused to believe that he simply didn't love her enough.

Tonks sobbed, trying to get the tears under control. But she couldn't stand being alone just now. She needed him, but since she couldn't have him, she wanted someone, anyone else. Shaking uncontrollably she took out her wand, but her Patronus wouldn't come.

There were no happy memories left. None, at all. He was gone. Somewhere, perhaps in mortal danger, between all those werewolves and close to Greyback. _Think back, _Tonks ordered herself. And there it was. The morning she had woken up in Remus' arms. The incredible feeling of being absolutely safe, entirely happy and completely at peace.

And something enormous erupted from the tip of her wand, something four-legged and doglike. Tonks squealed in shock and dropped her wand. Paralysed she watched how the silver werewolf vanished to deliver her message to Molly Weasley, the only person she could think of right now. The shock of seeing _him_ erupting from the tip of her wand had finally stopped the tears and within seconds, Molly's Patronus showed up.

"Get here immediately," was everything it said.

Tonks sniffed and dragged herself to her feet to Disapparate.

As soon as she appeared in front of the Burrow, Molly ushered her inside, placed her at the kitchen table and set a hot, steaming mug of tea down in front of her.

Then she sat down next to her. "Now, tell me what happened, dear."

Tonks looked at her and tried to do as she'd said, but when she reached the part about how Remus had just left and ignored her confession of love completely, her voice broke and she couldn't continue.

"Oh dear," Molly sighed and put an arm around her sympathetically.

"I'm pathetic," Tonks finally managed to say when she'd found her voice again.

"No, you're not," Molly disagreed firmly

.

"But… look at my Patronus. It changed. It's him now." She sniffed at the memory.

Molly frowned. "Yes, well, that's only due to the emotional state you're in."

"Yeah, pathetic."

"No." Molly shook her head. "You love Remus. You are worried about him. And he is behaving ridiculously. I understand completely. And next time I met him, I'll tell him to stop being such an idiot."

Tonks mustered a humourless smile. "Thanks, Molly."

There was a knock on the door and Dumbledore and Harry arrived. Tonks quickly bid her farewell and left. This was far too much company and right now she couldn't stand being in a room with Dumbledore who had given this inhumane job to Remus.

At home Tonks entered her bathroom and looked into the mirror. She hated what she saw. Her hair was mouse-coloured and lank, her eyes were puffy and red and her cheeks looked hollow. But she didn't really care. What was the point in looking good and cheerful if she felt awful? Her stomach rumbled, but she couldn't bring herself to eat anything and sank onto her bed instead, wishing that all of this had been nothing more than a nightmare.

* * *

><p>AN: I know it's pretty short, but it's pretty intense, too. And don't worry, I promise to update soon ;)


	6. Lost without you

**Chapter 6: Lost without you**

Unfortunately, she woke up to realize that it had been very real and very devastating, and so the following days and weeks passed agonizingly slowly. She got up, forced herself to Disapparate to Hogsmeade, patrolled around Hogwarts, returned home and went back to bed – the same routine day after day.

Finally, Christmas was approaching and Tonks had never felt more miserable in her entire life. Her parents invited her over again, but Tonks felt no desire to spend the holidays with anyone – except for the one person she couldn't have, of course. But her parents would be happy and cheerful and they wouldn't understand why their daughter was in such misery. Tonks didn't want to spoil them their Christmas.

She told them that she had already been invited by friends and would perhaps visit them around New Year. As it turned out, she hadn't even lied to them because Molly seemed more than eager to persuade Tonks to join them for Christmas at the Burrow.

"Everyone will be there. And Remus… you can talk," she suggested hopefully.

Tonks shook her head though her heart had skipped a beat at the mentioning of his name. At least he was still alive then. "No really, Molly. There would be nothing to talk about."

"But you two have to make up at some point," Molly said desperately.

"It's not up to me, Molly. I told him how I'm feeling about all of this, about him. I even begged him. I don't know what else to do."

Molly sighed. "Well, then don't talk to him. But you've got to come. You are so thin, dear. And I don't want you to be alone on Christmas, either."

"It's alright, Molly, really."

But if she could say one thing for certain, then that nothing was _alright_ at the moment. Molly probably knew that, too, because she just wouldn't give up. Again and again she invited Tonks to come over and when she was sitting at the kitchen table in the Burrow for the hundredth time as it seemed, Tonks realised that she couldn't come here again until Christmas was over. She was just about to leave when there was a knock on the front door.

Molly got up. "You wait here!" she ordered Tonks, who sighed and waited for Molly to return with whoever the visitor was. But it didn't matter because Tonks was determined to leave as soon as Molly was back.

"Look who I found," Molly finally said upon re-entering the kitchen.

Tonks did look up and her mug slipped through her fingers, shattered into pieces and poured tea all over the place when it touched the ground. She looked into Remus' pale face and judging from the surprise in his eyes, he hadn't been told about this 'coincidental' meeting either.

Molly looked from one to the other. "I have to check on my laundry," she then said cheerfully and vanished.

Tonks and Remus stared at each other in silence. Tonks felt rooted to the spot. She was torn between anger, which told her to leave as she had been planning to, and a pathetic hope, which persuaded her to stay and listen whether Remus had something to say to her.

"How are you?" he finally asked quietly.

"Well, what do you think?" Tonks shot back, her anger getting the better of her for the moment. "But nice to see you're still alive."

Remus continued to look at her in silence. "It's very difficult," he suddenly said. "Gaining their trust. Greyback's attitude is much more tempting for them."

Tonks glanced at him in surprise, and she could see the pain in Remus' eyes, the pain of being forced to live with Greyback, who was responsible for everything. And the anger inside of her melted away instantly.

"Then don't go," she whispered and hoped it didn't sound as desperate to him as it did to her. But he looked so pale, so fragile, so tired… "Tell Dumbledore it's a lost case."

Remus sighed and shook his head. "I can't do that."

_Oh, to hell with it_, Tonks thought. Her love for this man was more important than her pride. "Not even if I begged you?" she asked and was pretty sure that her eyes were already doing it.

There was a moment of hesitation and surprise in his eyes. "No, not even then," he finally replied, however.

And suddenly her anger and frustration was back. "Fine," Tonks snapped. "Then go on and kill yourself. I don't care."

"You don't care?" Remus repeated weakly.

"I don't care about a lot of things. But other people care about too many," Tonks told him, but when she looked into his eyes, the same message seemed to meet her: _too old, too poor, too dangerous._

An odd sound escaped Tonks' throat, something between choking and sobbing, and she dashed out of the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Remus looked after her and felt his insides turning to stone again.<p>

Would this pain ever stop?

But he was distracted from his dark thoughts when Molly returned and looked around. "Where is Tonks?"

"She left," Remus told her, sounding hoarse.

Molly looked at him furiously. "And you're just standing here, doing nothing?"

"What would you have me do, Molly?"

"What would I…?" Molly shook her head in disbelief. "Remus John Lupin, you are the most pathetic man I've ever met! It's not about what I want you to do! It's about what you want and what Tonks wants. I know you two love each other and this entire 'we can never be together' nonsense is downright ridiculous!"

"It is not nonsense," Remus said defensively.

"You're right. It's not nonsense, it's torture!" Molly was now threatening him with a cooking spoon. "Did you look at her, Remus? DID YOU LOOK AT HER?"

Remus winced.

Of course, he had looked at her although it had killed him to do so. He had always loved to look at her. She had been the most beautiful and cheerful witch he'd known. But now her hair was grey and lank, her face was hollow and thin and her eyes had lost their usual sparkle. She was, if at all, a mere shadow of the Tonks he had used to know.

And he knew that it was his fault. All his fault. He was the one who caused her all this pain. But why wouldn't anyone see that it was still better this way? That she would get over it at some point and would at least have a nice and normal life then? Could no one see that she would really be miserable – an outcast – when she would be with him? And could no one see that he was hurting as much as she did? That he hadn't wanted this to happen either, but that he had no choice but to be the voice of reason?

"And she's going to spend Christmas alone, probably crying the entire time!" Molly went on because he had remained silent. "She wouldn't accept my invitation because you'll be here. I have no idea why I don't just ask _you_ not to come!"

"Then I won't come," Remus said silently and earnestly. Tonks didn't deserve to be alone on Christmas. She deserved to celebrate here at the Burrow together with the Weasleys. She deserved that so much more than he did.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, no! You will come! Tonks has made her decision, anyway, and she wouldn't believe me anymore if I told her that you're not coming." Molly sighed. "Did you know that her Patronus has changed?"

Remus' eyes widened in surprise. "Into what?"

"You, of course," Molly snapped.

Remus moaned. Why was it so difficult? Why couldn't she just forget?

"_I LOVE YOU, YOU STUPID IDIOT!"_

Her words re-sounded inside his head again and again. It probably had been one of the hardest things in his life to simply turn away from her, to pretend he hadn't heard her instead of just hugging and kissing her, telling her he loved her, too…

How could he have let it come to this? He should have known all along that he would fall in love with her. He shouldn't have allowed himself to spend so much time with her, to get to know her, to get to love her. Why hadn't he stopped himself? Why had he only started acting reasonable when everything had been too late already?

The only excuse Remus could come up with was that he hadn't been able to think straight from the very first moment he had laid eyes on her. But that didn't help him out of this mess, either.

"Oh, you are so stupid!" Molly said, gesturing helplessly, and tore him out of his thoughts. "You love her, too! I can see it in your eyes! But why then do you insist on causing everyone so much pain?"

Remus didn't reply. She did not understand. No one did, not even his own heart.

* * *

><p>"<em>Professor Dumbledore currently dwells not in the castle and thus cannot be spoken to."<em>

Tonks glared at the gargoyle in front of her. "Come on, this is urgent! Strawberry Cheese Pie! It's the right password so open up!"

"_Professor Dumbledore currently dwells not in the castle and thus cannot be spoken to,"_ the gargoyle repeated indifferently.

"Fine, then where is he?" Tonks yelled.

"_Professor Dumbledore currently dwells not in the castle and thus cannot be spoken to."_

"YEAH, I GOT THAT. BUT WHERE IS HE? I NEED TO TALK TO HIM!"

"_Professor Dumbledore currently dwells not in the castle and thus cannot be spoken to."_

"OH, GO TO HELL! And take that Strawberry Cheese Pie with you!" Tonks kicked the stone gargoyle and gasped in pain, remembering too late that kicking inanimate objects was never a good idea.

Feeling angry and desperate at the same time, Tonks leaned against the wall and slid down until she sat on the ground. The one time she really needed to talk to Dumbledore, he was gone. But he was the only one who could possibly know, who could tell her whether it was… whether it could be…

She had heard rumours. Someone had been attacked, had been attacked by Greyback and after what Remus had told her about his efforts to stand up to him… couldn't it be him who had been…? Tonks felt like she might be sick, even thinking about it, and when she couldn't stop the image of Remus' dead body from popping into her head again, a few silent tears escaped her eyes.

She hadn't heard from him since Christmas, but no one else had heard much from him either. He seemed to have vanished completely. But he couldn't… he just couldn't be dead… And the only damn person who could tell her was not to be found either! She was as angry at Dumbledore as never before, although a very small voice inside her head tried to remind her that it wasn't really his fault.

When Tonks started shaking from the cold, she got to her feet again and wiped away the tears. But she had only turned around a few corners when she ran into Harry. She knew he couldn't know anything, but still she couldn't stop herself from hoping that he might have been in touch with Remus. However, when she asked him whether he had been in contact with any members of the Order, he said no, and when her hope vanished into thin air, her eyes started to fill with tears again and Tonks hurried on.

She knew she wasn't allowed to leave her post around Hogwarts, but she couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand these horrible images in her head and not knowing whether they were just a figment of her imagination or the heartbreaking truth. She Disapparated, and mere seconds later, she stood in front of his door.

Tonks had known all along that he wouldn't be here, but ignoring the voice inside her that told her she shouldn't be doing this, she entered his flat nevertheless. She hurried into his living room and started turning everything upside down (which wasn't much, anyway), searching for any kind of information that would tell her where she could find him.

When it seemed that there was nothing to be found here, tears started blurring her vision again. They ran down her cheeks and then dropped on the letters Tonks was trying to read although she could barely make out the words and her hands were shaking so rigorously that it was hopeless anyway. Still, she kept muttering under her breath, hoping to get herself under control again.

"What exactly are you doing there?" The voice came from the threshold to the living room. His voice.

Tonks dropped everything and dashed towards him, holding on to him so tightly that he almost lost his balance. She didn't care. She didn't notice. She was sobbing into his shoulder.

"Oh, thank goodness… you're alive… Remus…"

He stood quite still for a while, but then he pushed her away from him, gently but determined. "What is wrong with you?" he asked.

Tonks was still struggling to get herself under control again. "I heard rumours… Greyback attacked someone… and I thought… I thought… after what you told me… it could have been…" she trailed off, but it was enough for him to understand.

"Well, I'm alright. But what exactly were you hoping to find here?" Remus looked at the chaos around him.

"Information," Tonks replied. "Something, anything that would have told me where to find you."

Remus' head jerked around to stare at her. "You wanted to come looking for me although you knew that I was living with more than a dozen werewolves?"

"Well, yes, I needed to know…" But Tonks trailed off again. She could tell that he was angry.

"And what if I really had been dead? What do you think would they have done to you?"

Tonks looked at him, pulling all her strength together. "If you had been dead, I wouldn't have cared about what they would have done to me anyhow. And if you had been alive and they had bitten me… well, then at least that problem would have been out of the way, wouldn't it?"

Remus glared at her with a mixture of shock, disbelief and anger. "ARE YOU MENTAL?" he suddenly yelled and Tonks had never heard him shout before. "YOU WERE ABOUT TO THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY BECAUSE OF _ME_, A RUDDY, WORTHLESS WEREWOLF?"

"You are _not_ worthless," Tonks sobbed, not daring to raise her voice as well. "I told you before. You are not a werewolf to me; you are the man I love."

Remus was obviously struggling for control himself now. He grabbed her by the shoulders and Tonks winced at his touch. But it wasn't gentle, it was firm. "Alright, you will listen to me now! We will never – ever – be together! I will never permit you to risk your life and your way of living because of me. _I am not worth it!_ And I don't care that you don't care! This is my final word on the subject and if I could make you forget me, I swear I would."

He let go of her and turned away, staring out of the window.

Tonks felt more tears stinging her eyes, but she held them back this time and forced herself to look at Remus' back. She had just realised what he'd actually said. "So, in fact, you're saying that I am so precious to you that you think you're not good enough. And you don't have the courage to risk being responsible for me getting hurt in any way. But then I don't understand because the way you have chosen to act now, you're hurting me more than anyone or anything else could!"

Remus shook his head, but didn't turn around again. "No, it is nothing in comparison to what I could do to you…"

"… if you had the courage to admit that you love me?" Tonks asked and walked around him to face him again. He stared at her. "Yeah, I can see what you could do to me. You could make me happy, you could make me smile again, be me again and if you made me an outcast, well, then at least a happy one, because the life I'm having right now, not really being in contact with anyone, not even my parents, you know that feels pretty much like being an outcast already."

Remus glared at her for a few seconds, but then he stared straight ahead again and his shoulders slumped. "I know you are a fighter, Tonks, but believe me, it would be easier for the both of us if you just gave up this time."

Tonks felt like she might burst with frustration. She knew he loved her and wanted to be with her, but no matter what she said or did, he just wouldn't admit that to himself. He preferred to leave them both in their misery.

She balled her hands into fists. "But I won't give up!" she told him. If she had been one to give up easily, she wouldn't be an Auror now, a member of the Order of the Phoenix and so close to being with the love of her life.

She wouldn't give up. Never.

* * *

><p>The silence was almost unbearable after all the action and noise of the recent events. Dumbledore had ordered them to patrol through the school together with the teachers during one of his absences, and as if he had known it, Death Eaters had entered the castle and they had once again engaged in battle with them.<p>

This time there were no real casualties on their side. However, Bill Weasley had been bitten by Greyback though he had been in his human form at the time. Now Tonks, Ron, Hermione, Luna and Remus were all gathered around his bed in the hospital wing and no one really knew what to do.

The door opened and Harry and Ginny entered. Tonks listened quietly how Remus speculated about how much of a werewolf Bill would be from now on and when Ron suggested that Dumbledore might know what to do, Ginny told them the terrible news.

"Dumbledore's dead," she said.

At first, all Tonks could feel was disbelief, but she knew there was no reason for Harry and Ginny to lie. And then there was only sadness and fear inside her. Dumbledore had been their leader – the one who had always known what to do and who had given them hope that they stood a chance at defeating You-know-who.

But now that was all gone. However, her own thoughts were interrupted by Remus' obvious pain. He collapsed into a chair and covered his face with his hands. Tonks looked at him, feeling the urge to comfort him, but she was still rooted to the spot.

And then Minerva entered and Tonks felt really sorry for her and didn't envy her for the responsibilities she now had to carry. Harry told them about Snape's betrayal and they all struggled to put the pieces together.

Next, Molly and Arthur entered, followed by Fleur, and when Tonks and Remus moved aside to make room for them, Tonks tried to look at Remus, but he avoided her eyes. Suddenly, Fleur and Molly almost started arguing because it seemed that the latter had thought that the planned wedding would be cancelled now. But Fleur assured everyone that even though Bill's face was scarred and even though he might have some wolfish characteristics now, she still intended to marry him.

And when mother- and daughter-in-law started hugging each other, Tonks glared at Remus. "You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

Tonks had no idea why this should convince Remus more than anything else, but seeing Fleur and Bill, who'd get married soon, and realising that Fleur was almost in Tonks' position, only that she had a man who did not refuse to be with her, made her feel slightly jealous and edged her on to try arguing her case once more.

"It's different," Remus said as expected, but his lips were barely moving and he looked tense. Well, they were in a room full of people. But Tonks didn't care. She was not the one who was being stupid, after all. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely –"

Tonks knew they had been over this again and again and that there was nothing new that could be said tonight. But people were dying around them. Dumbledore was dead! And suddenly it was much more likely that You-know-who would seize power again, and Tonks felt as if their time was finally running out.

So she said what she had already told him a year ago, "But I don't care either, I don't care!" She seized the front of Remus' robes and shook them as if she could break through his stubbornness that way. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told _you_ a million times," Remus replied, still refusing to meet her eyes and staring at the floor instead, "that I am too old for you, too poor, … too dangerous …"

There they were again. These three words Tonks had come to hate more than anything else. But it was Molly who spoke next. "I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus."

Tonks felt grateful towards her, but Remus wasn't impressed. "I am not being ridiculous," he insisted once more. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you," Arthur said all of a sudden. Tonks looked at him, surprised about the backup. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He gestured at his son.

"This is… not the moment to discuss it," Remus said now, avoiding everybody's eyes because he had realised that no one seemed to back up his position. "Dumbledore is dead…"

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," Minerva suddenly said and Tonks felt the urge to shout 'There you go', but now Hagrid came bursting into the room.

He told them that he had moved Dumbledore's body and then he left with Harry and Minerva. Silence fell once more after they had left and everybody seemed to be looking at Tonks and Remus again. Tonks, who felt reassured because everyone in the room seemed to agree with her, turned towards Remus once more.

"Well, we were talking about…" But she never got to finish her sentence.

Remus muttered something under his breath that sounded like 'for heaven's sake' and he grabbed her wrist and pulled her with him out of the hospital wing, obviously unnerved by the prospect of continuing their discussion in front of everybody else.

They hurried through the empty corridors and finally stopped in an empty classroom.

"Well, have you brought me here so that no one can witness how you stomp on my heart again?" Tonks asked and looked at Remus questioningly.

* * *

><p>AN: I know a cliffy… But if you stay tuned for more, I can promise an end to the misery (at least for now…)


	7. Listen to your heart

A/N: This is a rather short chapter, I know. But since I left you hanging there with that cliffy, I decided to update now and promise you that the next chapter will be longer and up soon. And thanks again for those wonderful reviews!

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><p>"<em>Well, have you brought me here so that no one can witness how you stomp on my heart again?" Tonks asked and looked at Remus questioningly.<em>

**Chapter 7: Listen to your heart**

Remus sighed. "If you are convinced that I will turn you down again, anyway, why did you even start the discussion?"

Tonks folded her arms across her chest. "Because I won't give up. Even if we'll argue about this for the rest of my life, I won't stop loving you and I won't stop telling you so. Although I'm not sure how much time's left for us."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked irritated.

"Dumbledore," Tonks replied. "He's dead, but Voldemort is still on the move. The Order is left without a leader, without its one Secret Keeper. You know Voldemort will seize power pretty soon now. The Ministry will never be able to stop him. Scrimgeour is no better than the rest of them."

Remus knew she was right. It wasn't being pessimistic; it was just facing the truth. "But it's only all the more unadvisable to get romantically involved with someone with such times ahead."

"No, it is all the more necessary," Tonks insisted. "For all we know, we could be dead tomorrow. We only have each other, Remus. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to face what's coming alone."

She moved closer to him. "And soon enough everyone will have far too many problems to care about the fact that I'm living with a werewolf and who knows whether there will even be a community left that could make us outcasts. Please Remus… or tell me now, look me in the eyes and tell me… not that you can't or that you shouldn't… tell me that you really don't _want_ to be with me."

Remus did indeed look into her eyes and that little voice in his head that told him that this was a mistake, that it was irresponsible… it was still there. But the shock of having lost Dumbledore and the prospect of what lay ahead of them now was just way more powerful. And what was more… Remus felt that there was just no strength left in him anymore.

All throughout the year he had been fighting against his heart's desire, had repeated his arguments in his head like a mantra, had endured the pain of watching Tonks cry, of seeing her this miserable only because of him, and he had oppressed what he really wanted. But now with nothing but despair ahead of them, he just couldn't do it anymore. He felt weak and tired and he yearned for something that was not dark and painful…

And it was now that his mind was forced to let go and his heart resumed control. His hands reached out for Tonks immediately and he pulled her towards him, placing one hand in her hair and the other on her back and he kissed her, kissed her like he had never kissed a woman before. And bloody hell, it was the best feeling he had experienced in years.

Tonks got over her surprise pretty quickly and she wrapped her arms around him and responded to his kiss with all the passion and love that she had been forced to hold back for a whole year.

When their lips parted again because they were running out of air, Tonks smiled, _really_ smiled, at him for the first time again. "I take that to mean that you _do_ want to be with me, after all."

"Of course I want to be with you. I've _always_ wanted to be with you," Remus told her and caressed her cheek gently. Somehow it felt as if every minute in which he did not touch her was now a wasted one.

"But why didn't you just say so, you pigheaded… lovely, lovely man?" Tonks asked, shaking her head. "You could have spared us all that… misery!"

"I know. But you've got to understand that everything I said… I still think it's true – that this is a hell of a risk and that it's not at all responsible of me to let it happen. But I just can't resist my true feelings any longer and frankly, I don't want to. And after all, I think that I spent a great deal too much time with James and Sirius to be an entirely responsible person."

Tonks smiled. "And these true feelings that you can't resist any longer. What exactly are they?"

Remus took her face into his hands and looked into her dark, fathomless eyes. "I, Remus John Lupin, hereby declare that I love you, Nymphadora Tonks, and that I finally came to my senses and am ready to be with you."

Tonks beamed at him even though she had winced slightly when he had mentioned her first name, but for now she kissed him fiercely on the mouth. When she let go of him again, Remus tried to put on a serious expression. "But you know that there is no way that I'll continue to call you Tonks now."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Why not?"

"Well, have you ever heard of a man who calls his wife by her last name?" Remus asked and smiled, which felt pretty good, too.

"Wife?" Tonks repeated, however, instead of answering his question. "Is this a proposal?"

"What?" Remus hadn't seen that one coming.

"You just called me your wife," Tonks just said cheerfully.

"I… well, you know what I meant," Remus replied evasively. "I meant you as my… significant other."

Tonks had a peculiar expression on her face. "Yes, and how _significant_ exactly will I be? I mean, are we exclusive or…?"

"Of course, we are…" Remus stared at her. "But for heaven's sake, we only just decided to be together, at all."

"But we could and should have done that a year ago," Tonks reminded him. "And I think we also agreed back then that life is too short."

Remus looked at her and he saw that look in her eyes that told him that she wouldn't let go of this one easily and he just didn't want to start arguing all over again. So he smiled. "And you would allow me to call you Nymphadora then?"

Tonks made a face. "No, I would tell you to call me 'Dora'. That's the nickname my parents gave me."

"Why did you never mention that before?" Remus asked, shaking his head.

"Why, I was fine with Tonks."

Remus put his arms around her once more. "Well, Dora, would it be alright with you if we postponed the decision about a possible marriage at least until after the funeral?"

For the first time since their kiss Tonks looked sad again. "The funeral… do you think it will be held here?"

"Possible. This school was very important to Dumbledore."

"I still can't quite believe it. Dumbledore… dead… and killed by… by…" she broke off.

Remus pulled her even closer to him and she rested her head against his chest. "I know. It seems just so impossible. But then again, he was only human after all."

They stood like that in silence for a while until Tonks finally let go of him again. "Let's go back."

"Go back where?" Remus asked.

"Hospital wing. I need to show them that I've won you over, after all," Tonks said. She beamed at him and this time she was the one pulling him along.

When they entered the hospital wing again, Arthur, Molly, Fleur and a now conscious Bill looked at them. The kids had all left.

Tonks continued to grin and since she was still holding Remus' hand, there was no need for much explanation. Molly squealed in delight and hurried to hug them both while Arthur and Fleur smiled.

"Oh, I can't believe it. You finally got past all that ridiculous nonsense!" Molly was almost crying. "I'm so happy for you two."

"Thanks, Molly," Tonks said cheerfully.

"Uh… am I missing something here?" came Bill's voice from the hospital bed and despite the dark hour that was upon them everybody laughed.

* * *

><p>"You know I really wanted it to turn black. But whenever I look at you, I feel so happy and I missed having it pink, anyhow. But then I feel guilty for being happy on the day of… his funeral."<p>

Tonks felt miserable about her dilemma, but Remus just laughed. "Oh, Dora, I think Dumbledore would love your hair to be pink today. And he would also want you be happy."

"Yes, well, I guess I won't be so happy anymore once we get there."

And sure enough Tonks felt a lump in her throat when she and Remus approached the hundreds of chairs that had been set up on the Hogwarts grounds and she realised that she knew probably less than half of those people attending the funeral. But they sat down among other members of the Order, next to Mad-Eye, Kingsley and the Weasleys. Remus took her hand into his own and Tonks gave him a grateful smile.

When the ceremony began and Hagrid brought Dumbledore's dead body, wrapped in purple velvet, the last bit of the happiness Tonks had been feeling vanished. She was now forced to accept the cruel reality that Dumbledore was indeed dead and not available for advice and leadership any longer. And when the flames erupted around the dead body and turned into the beautiful white tomb, Tonks' eyes were finally leaking tears and Remus put an arm around her, although she knew that this was even worse for him than for her because he had always felt so grateful towards Dumbledore for allowing him to attend Hogwarts and later to come back to teach.

"I never really told him. I should have showed myself more grateful," he whispered all of a sudden.

Tonks looked at him and was suddenly oblivious to her own tears. "He knew, Remus, he knew. I know he did. And you know it, too. After all, if he was close to being omniscient in life, he'll surely know everything in death."

A little smile appeared on Remus' lips and he pulled her closer. "I love you," he whispered into her ear.

Tonks smiled, too. "Then there is no reason not to get married, is there?"

Remus looked at her and for a second Tonks thought he would tell her that there were lots of reasons, but then he just smiled. "No, I guess not."

Tonks had never been this incredibly happy and sad at the same time. "Do you think Dumbledore would mind if I kissed you now?"

Remus glanced at the white tomb. "I think he would just smile."

"Good," Tonks whispered and did indeed kiss him. "But you really _want_ to get married, right?" she then asked, realising that she had pretty much pressed the matter.

"Didn't I just tell you so?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No, actually, you said that there was no reason not to do it, which is essentially the same, but still..."

Remus placed a finger on her lips to silence her. "If, for reasons I still don't really understand, you are actually willing to take me, I will marry you."

Tonks smiled broadly, although she thought that there was something in Remus' expression that told her he had not entirely forgotten about his doubts and worries. But her happiness simply overpowered these thoughts. "Then you are in luck because I am more than willing."

And their lips found each other once more.

When everyone was getting up to leave, Molly asked, "Would you like to come with us for a little more private memorial service? Mad-Eye and Kingsley are coming, too."

"Oh, thanks for the invitation, Molly, but I think we'll get going," Tonks replied and when Remus was shaking hands with Arthur, she leaned over and whispered, "I'm not sure when we'll tell everyone. But we are going to get married."

Molly's jaw dropped. "That's wonderful! But… how can Remus have changed his mind so completely all of a sudden?"

Tonks shrugged. "Well, whatever it is, I'm not complaining."

At this moment Remus put an arm around her waist and Tonks just smiled at Molly before she turned her attention towards her new fiancé. "Ready to go home?" he asked.

"Where is home?" she asked in reply.

"Your place," Remus replied without hesitation. "Mine's not really meant to live in."

Tonks nodded and they left Hogwarts to Disapparate. When they entered her living room a few minutes later, Tonks looked around. Everything still looked the way it had when she had moved in here (well, probably a bit messier). Somehow it didn't seem appropriate for the major changes in her life that were taking place.

"We can redecorate everything if you like," she suggested. "I mean, now that we are both…"

But Remus' lips prevented her from concluding her sentence. "I don't want to redecorate," he told her while holding her close. "I like it the way it is. It's… you."

Tonks grinned. "What would you like to do instead?"

"Actually, I would like to get some rest for a change," Remus replied with a suggestive look in his eyes.

"Sounds good to me," Tonks agreed and pulled him towards her bedroom. There she stopped and smiled. "Do you remember the first time you were in here?"

"Quite vividly," Remus nodded. "You know, you never told me about that nightmare…"

Tonks made a face. "Oh, don't remind me! It was horrible. Every other night exactly the same dream, always this snake killing… killing…" she trailed off, shaken by the memory.

"Well, I'm here to hold you again if you want me to," Remus said, taking her hands into his.

"I've been waiting an entire year for this, so don't you dare to go anywhere else," Tonks replied, her eyes twinkling, and it still felt a little unreal that she could finally just pull him close and kiss him.


	8. How to meet the InLaws

A/N: As promised, this chapter is a little longer and I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you enjoy it, too ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: How to meet the In-Laws<strong>

When Remus woke up again in the morning, it took him a few seconds to remember where he was and what had happened over the course of the last two days. He sighed and looked at Dora. She was still asleep, her head resting on his chest and her arms wrapped around him. She looked incredibly peaceful with that soft smile on her lips. A few strands of her pink hair had fallen into her face and Remus had to smile, too. Sometimes he still couldn't help but wonder how he could have ended up with someone like Dora, who seemed to be so totally different than he was himself or thought he was. But at the same time they seemed to be a perfect match for each other, didn't they?

If only he could get rid of these doubts that were still gnawing away at his conscience…

While Remus was looking at Dora now, seeing how happy she was, he really wished they would just shut up and when he and Dora were sharing their love for each other, all his dark thoughts indeed bid their farewell. But not for long. They just wouldn't leave him for good. It was as if his mind already regretted ever having let go and struggled to regain control again, only that his heart wouldn't budge anymore, now that it had tasted the incredible sweetness of the woman lying next to him and now that it felt really and honestly loved for the first time in years.

The only question was how long Remus would be able to stand this constant struggle inside of him and which side would win, eventually. Remus closed his eyes and reminded himself that he had already decided. It was too late to go back now because how on earth could he hurt this wonderful woman sleeping beside him? How could he break the promise he had only just given her?

The answer was pretty simple. He couldn't and he would just ignore that nasty, little voice inside his head…

Dora began to stir next to him now. When she opened her eyes, she smiled immediately. "Good morning," she whispered and gave him a soft kiss. At once, Remus felt guilty for having thoughts like that at all. "Did you sleep well?"

"Very," Remus replied with a smile.

"Me, too, and I would like to wake up like this for the rest of my life," Dora said. Remus just smiled. "What time is it?" she asked next.

"A quarter to nine, I think."

"Really?" Dora lifted her head. "But then it's time for breakfast. I thought we'd be at my parent's house before lunch."

"Your… parent's… house?" Remus repeated, not quite able to hide his surprise. "Did you tell me we were going to visit them?" he asked while Dora vanished into the bathroom.

"No, but I did not tell them either," she replied cheerfully.

Remus frowned. "Don't you think you should?"

"I always drop by whenever I fancy a visit. They never mind."

"Yes, but you're not alone this time," Remus reminded her.

Dora's head poked out of the bathroom. "Are you worried?" she asked with a grin on her face.

The honest answer was 'yes' because Remus couldn't imagine that her parents would be thrilled to hear the 'news', but he just opened his mouth and closed it again. Dora smiled at him. "Don't be! After all, the sooner we tell them, the sooner we can get married."

Dora's head vanished again and when she was done in the bathroom, she announced that she would go and make them some breakfast. While he heard her curse whenever she tripped over some unexpected obstacle on her way into the kitchen, Remus went into the bathroom as well.

When he entered the kitchen a few minutes later, Dora ordered cheerfully, "Sit down, sit down."

And he sat down at a small table that had been crammed into the even smaller room. However, he realised very quickly that everyday life with Dora wouldn't be as easy and uncomplicated as it had always seemed in Molly Weasley's household.

Several eggs, whose final destination surely should have been the frying pan on the stove, cracked on the floor instead and the bacon followed suit. Only half of it was so lucky to join the surviving eggs in the pan.

"Err… Dora, would you perhaps like me to help you?" Remus asked, as he hoped, politely.

She answered without turning around to him. "No, this really can't be that difficult. I've been trying to get the hang of these bloody household spells for years now. It always looks so easy when Molly does it."

But when a pot started to send bits of porridge flying through the air like a volcano and Dora slipped on the treacle she had spilled all over the kitchen floor, Remus jumped to his feet to safe her from falling to the ground.

"Oh, thanks," Dora muttered when he helped her to get back on her feet.

Remus looked at her. "Dora, I certainly admire your ambition to live up to Molly's standard. But Molly has had a family for years. And I really don't need treacle tart for breakfast."

Dora looked miserable. "But you have always been served the best of food from her and I want to do the same. I want to be a good wife. I know I can be. I just gotta learn a few things."

Remus started laughing. "I don't want a 'good wife', I want _you_. I admit that it was pretty convenient to have Molly around who could whip up a tasty meal in no time. But that's not why I want to be with you and besides, we are not a normal family, anyway, so don't worry about it."

"Yes, we _are_ a normal family," Dora insisted, shaking her head.

"Fine." Remus sighed. "But that still doesn't mean that you suddenly have to become a perfect housewife. After all, I fell in love with you because I had never met a person so different and incredibly unique, but still full of positive energy. And that's really all I need, not some elaborate breakfast."

Dora beamed at him and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him. Remus responded to her kiss while at the same time he carefully reached for his wand to produce a shield charm around them, mere seconds before the pot with the porridge exploded.

At first Dora looked shocked, taking in his shield charm and her now porridge stained kitchen. But then she just started laughing. "I love you, Remus," she whispered and kissed him again.

When they finally managed to let go of each other again, they cleaned the kitchen with a quick _Scourgify_ and then went back to making a simple breakfast together.

During their little breakfast adventure Remus had totally forgotten about all his doubts and simply enjoyed spending time with his, as it seemed, wife-to-be. However, when they were approaching the threshold of her parent's house about an hour later, it suddenly hit him again. He even felt the urge to stop Dora, to pull her away and to tell her that they couldn't do this, that her parents wouldn't approve of their marriage. But Dora seemed perfectly confident and thought that he just felt nervous because he was about to meet his future parents-in-law.

Dora knocked on the front door and squeezed his hand when they heard footsteps approaching. Remus could only muster a very weak smile before the door was opened and he faced a man who looked almost exactly as he did in the photograph on Dora's mantelpiece. He had fair hair, was big-bellied, but kind-faced and looked even friendlier now that he beamed at his daughter.

"Dora!" he exclaimed, spreading his arms to give her a hug. "Have you remembered your old parents, after all!"

"Hey, Dad," Dora replied and if Remus hadn't felt so anxious about what was to come, he would have smiled while watching father and daughter share a hug.

"Dromeda, come quick! Dora's here," Ted Tonks called for his wife and when he turned around again, he seemed to notice Remus for the first time. "And who are you?" he asked, looking curiously from Dora to Remus.

"Remus Lupin, nice to meet you, Sir," he replied, extending a hand.

"Oh, there is no need to call me Sir, son," Ted said, but stopped suddenly. "Did you say Remus Lupin?"

Remus sighed. He had seen this coming. But before he could reply, Dora's mother appeared in the doorway. She was both, even more beautiful but also more similar in appearance to her sister Bellatrix than it had seemed on the photo. However, her hair was rather brown than black and her eyes shone with love and affection now that she was looking at Dora, so there was no way to actually mistake her for her sister. She, too, hugged her daughter.

Still, Remus found it even harder to look into the eyes of Andromeda Tonks, which so greatly resembled those of her daughter.

"This is Remus Lupin," she was told by her husband before Remus could say anything.

There seemed to be a little delay, while Andromeda's eyes widened, before she eventually extended a hand. But Remus was used to this kind of behaviour and compared to how he had already been treated in his life, this was positively charming. However, the worst was likely yet to come when Dora would tell her parents why she had brought him along. Remus hoped that she would wait with that piece of news until he'd have had a chance to talk to her parents and to make at least a tiny good expression.

Unfortunately, Dora was so oblivious to the fact that his… specific nature could be a problem that she saw no reason to wait, not even to let them enter the house properly. "Yes, and we're here to tell you that we are going to get married, Remus and I," Dora simply told them cheerfully.

It seemed that Ted, Andromeda and Remus all looked at her with the same shocked expression. A rather strained silence fell during which Dora looked expectantly at her parents, who exchanged dark looks.

"Getting… married?" Andromeda finally managed to repeat. "You hadn't even told us that you two are in a relationship! For how long have you been together?"

Remus could see Dora's smile crumble a little and he realised that even if he hadn't been a werewolf, their plan to get married so soon would have sounded crazy to her parents. But then again, if he hadn't been a werewolf, everything would have been different anyhow.

"Well, not for _that_ long," Dora answered evasively. _Two days_ sounded really pathetic, after all. "But we've known each other for much longer."

"But that doesn't tell you whether you will also get along as partners, who actually live together!" Andromeda said sternly and Remus had to admit that she had a point, even though, after this morning he thought he had a pretty good idea as to how living with Dora would be like.

Dora opened her mouth to reply, but her father cleared his throat and beat her to it, "Perhaps, we should … err… get inside before discussing this further. After all, it's not wise to leave a door open for too long these days."

He and his wife did as he had suggested and retreated into the house, but Dora held Remus back. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know what's wrong with them. They've never acted like this before."

"Well, how many times have you told them that you were going to marry a werewolf?" Remus asked sarcastically.

"And how many times do I have to tell you that no one but you cares about that?" Dora shot back.

"Oh, no offence, but your parents definitely care about that," Remus replied.

Dora glared at him. "Are you saying my parents are prejudiced?"

"I… oh, come on, Dora, look at them! It's understandable. You are their only daughter and you picked…"

"… a better man than they could have ever dreamed of," Dora interrupted him heatedly. "And I'd be grateful if you could shut up with this rubbish once and for all!"

And she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room, in which Dora's parents had already sat down on a couch. Dora and Remus followed suit and then occupied another couch facing them.

An extremely strained and awkward silence filled the room and after a few minutes Remus felt ready to vanish into non-being. This was simply ridiculous. He had known all along that Dora's parents would be disgusted, and well, he really couldn't blame them. They probably knew just as well as he did what kind of a life he would be able to provide their daughter with. And the nasty voice inside his head was louder than ever.

Remus felt almost ready to apologise to Ted and Andromeda for scaring them like this and to tell them that he had been foolish and that he had no right to take their daughter away from them and would leave at once. But precisely that foolishly in love part of him told him that he couldn't do that to Dora. So instead, Remus began to wonder whether the others expected him to show some courage and to say something, maybe to explain himself, or if this was rather some kind of battle between the parents and their daughter – something along the lines of 'whoever speaks first, surrenders'. If the situation hadn't been so serious, he might have laughed at the thought.

Finally, Andromeda got to her feet and the sudden movement made everyone else wince. "Alright," she said and her voice sounded unnaturally high-pitched, "Dora, I want a word with you – in _private!_"

And she simply left the room through a door to her left that probably led to the kitchen. Slightly irritated Remus watched how Dora followed her. Now he faced her father alone and it seemed all the more pathetic not to say something, anything.

Apparently, Ted Tonks thought the same thing because suddenly he asked, "So, I take it you are in the Order, too?"

Remus was a little taken aback by his choice of topic, but nodded. "Yes."

And silence fell once more. Remus felt that it was now his turn to break it and racked his brain, but Ted spoke again, "And what are you going to do now? To stop You-know-who, I mean."

Remus stared at him and realised that Ted was probably hoping to hear something heroic, something along the lines that he, Remus, would go and hunt Voldemort down on his own, something so great, that it would enable Ted to forget the nasty fact that his daughter's husband-to-be was a werewolf. Unfortunately, there was no such thing for Remus to say.

"Well, we are not sure. Keep a lookout for Voldemort's actions and do our best to protect Harry," he answered, eventually.

"Why do you use his name?" Ted asked.

Remus frowned. "Fear of a name only increases the fear of the thing itself," he said, but felt a little like a fraud, repeating Dumbledore's words like this.

However, Ted nodded. "Harry Potter, do you think he really is the _Chosen one?_"

"Well, I don't know that for sure. But personally, I'm absolutely convinced that he is," Remus replied.

Ted nodded again and Remus was just wondering whether he had actually gained his approval when something shattered into pieces in the kitchen.

"Stop saying these things about him! You don't even know him!" It was Dora's voice and it was shaking with anger. Remus felt the desire to disappear on the spot.

"And neither do you, apparently!" Andromeda Tonks replied and her voice was just as loud.

"Of course I know him! I love him and I'm going to marry him!" Dora shot back.

"For heaven's sake, think about what you are saying! You've got a life, Dora! You've got a job! But how long do you think will you still be an accepted member of our community when you marry him?"

Remus felt sure that Ted was looking at him, but he stared determinedly at the floor, feeling exceptionally weird while he listened to Andromeda who used his very own arguments.

"I don't care about being accepted by anyone!" Dora screamed. "As soon as You-know-who takes over, it won't matter anyhow!"

"It will matter more than ever!" Andromeda's voice drowned out the one of her daughter. "He'll be after Muggle-borns and considered 'blood-traitors' again. And what do you think will he have to say about a marriage between a werewolf, who also happens to be in the Order, and someone who's related to one of the oldest pure-blood families in existence? This is just insane!"

"OH, AS IF YOU CARED ABOUT BEING PURE-BLOOD! YOU MARRIED A MUGGLE-BORN! YOU AND DAD WERE JUST AS INSANE AND I'M ONLY FOLLOWING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS!" Remus had never heard Dora scream like that before and it gave him goose-bumps, but it was nothing in comparison to the terrifying voice of Andromeda:

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER AND ME, NYMPHADORA! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE… COME BACK HERE!"

The kitchen door burst open and Dora stormed into the living room, her face distorted with rage, and without even looking at Remus, she ran up the stairs and Andromeda followed her with a similar angry expression on her face, now looking extraordinarily like Bellatrix.

Remus had jumped to his feet at Dora's re-entrance into the living room and took a few uncertain steps towards the stairs. It didn't seem right to let the two women fight about him while he merely sat and listened.

But he was held back and turned around to look at Ted, who, to Remus' utmost surprise, smiled at him. "Let them. They'll soon start crying and hugging each other again and everything will be alright."

"Are you saying this happens often?" Remus asked, his eyes wide.

"Oh yes, they had a go at each other every other day when Dora was still a teenager. I assume it's the blood of the Blacks. They are extremely temperamental these Black women, better not to cross."

Remus thought of Sirius' mother and apparently he looked quite foolish because Ted roared with laughter. Something crashed upstairs and Remus winced. "Are you sure they are going to reconcile?"

Ted nodded quite cheerfully. "They always do. Come, sit down, son, sit down."

Remus looked at him, but quite frankly, he couldn't understand how he could be this relaxed or why Ted suddenly seemed to be perfectly fine with him, even calling him 'son'. Remus sat down since there was nothing more to be heard from upstairs. "But I don't see how they can reach an agreement. It's obvious that they have pretty different opinions," _about me_, he added.

Ted smiled. "Well, this time I think, Dromeda will have to give in. Dora is right after all."

"She is?" Remus asked, utterly bewildered.

"My wife did pretty much walk out on her own family to marry me. None of her sisters will speak a single word with her because she married a Muggle-born into the family and as Dora pointed out quite correctly, by doing so, she didn't exactly abide by You-know-who's rules, either. So Andromeda incurred the wrath not only of her own family but of You-know-who and his supporters, as well, and she didn't give a damn about it. That's why she can't really tell her daughter off for wanting to marry a…"

"… werewolf," Remus concluded the sentence for him.

"Yes," nodded Ted and smiled sadly.

"But...," Remus bit his lip. "… Andromeda still said a few true things herself."

Ted looked at him, but his smile had vanished. "Now, see here, young man. If you really love my daughter and I think, she made quite clear that she does love you, I won't care whether you transform every full moon and into what. But if you are going to hurt my little girl because you are not sure about this yourself, you will leave this house immediately!"

Remus stared at Dora's father and realised that there really was no going back anymore. If he assured Ted now that he was sure about this marriage, there was no backing out again without incurring the wrath of the entire family (and somehow he wasn't eager to face an angry Andromeda).

"I do love Dora and I want to marry her," Remus replied finally. This was the truth, after all. He just wished he wouldn't be feeling so guilty about it.

"In that case, welcome to the family, son," Ted said and his smile surprised Remus. It seemed honest and a pleasant feeling filled Remus' insides for the first time since he had entered this house. "Thank you," he said and they shook hands again.

And then they heard footsteps and Dora and her mother descended the stairs again. They both looked surprisingly calm and Dora actually smiled at Remus, although he could tell that she had been crying. Obviously, Ted's prediction had become true.

Remus got to his feet, but the first one to approach him was Andromeda. "I apologize for my rude behaviour. It seems I did not want to see how much Dora really is my daughter."

Remus was not exactly sure what to make of this statement and he thought he could still see reluctance towards him in Andromeda's eyes, but it was probably the best he could have hoped for. "There is no need to apologize. I understand completely," he said because he had no idea what else to say.

Andromeda seemed to know that, too, but she changed the subject. "You should stay for lunch. Will you give me a hand?" She looked at her husband and Ted got up to follow his wife into the kitchen, but he smiled at Remus and gave him an 'I-told-you-so' kind of look.

As soon as they had left the room, Remus joined Dora at the foot of the stairs and reached for her hands. "Are you alright?" he asked, eyeing her slightly worried.

Dora smiled. "I'm fine. Well, it didn't go exactly as I had planned, but…" she trailed off.

"You could have told me that you and your mother can fight like that," Remus said.

Dora smiled weakly. "Yes, it must have sounded terrible."

"Yeah, well… what did you do when you were upstairs?" Remus asked curiously.

"At first, we continued to shout, or rather Mum did, and then I started crying and… well, she can't stand seeing that. She never could. And then we talked, I mean _really_ talked, and I told her everything."

"What exactly is 'everything'?"

Dora shrugged. "That it took us a whole year to actually get together because you were worrying about exactly the same things Mum did, and that I could finally convince you that there are more important things and yeah… just how much I love you and that that's why I don't care about all this stuff." She paused. "And I think she understood. Of course I hoped that she would be a little more thrilled. But she'll give you a chance, I think."

"She will never be thrilled," Remus said carefully. "Both of them won't." Ted was polite, but did probably only accept Remus because of his love for Dora. Still, that was more than he had dared to hope for.

"I don't know," Dora shrugged. "They just need a chance to get to know you and then they'll see that they couldn't have found a better son-in-law either."

Remus looked at her and realized that despite her words she was a little disappointed. She had been given a first glimpse at how other people reacted to the man she had chosen for herself. It seemed to have destroyed some of her cheerfulness, but all in all to have made her even more determined to stick with him. And despite his guilt and despite the quiet voice telling him that this was his first proof that she would suffer if he stayed with her, Remus felt extremely touched by how deep Dora's love was for him.

"Come here," he said and pulled her into a firm hug. He had a feeling that they were being watched from the kitchen, but he really didn't care right now.

Dora pushed away from him a little to be able to look at him. "I told Mum… that I know that you love me as much as I love you and that… you really want to marry me. That's true, right?"

This was it. This would be his final decision, only that there was nothing more to decide. Because what was there to think about at all? If he could love this woman, if he could love like he had never loved before. He longed for her so badly, wanted her, wanted to hug her, kiss her, never hurt her, but simply love her.

"Of course, it is," Remus therefore said. "I know I didn't exactly make it easy for us, but I love you and I want to marry you and I do know that now."

Dora beamed at him and all her cheerfulness seemed to come back to her, made her eyes sparkle again, and that was really everything Remus needed, well that and the kiss she gave him.


	9. Marry me

A/N: I'm sorry it took me longer to update this time. I was busy with my Bachelor thesis. But I'm almost finished now – finally. Anyway, here is the wedding chapter. I hope you're still interested in the story and I will try to hurry up with the next chapter ;)

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><p><strong>Chapter 9: Marry me<strong>

The excitement in her body made it impossible for Tonks to stand still for longer than a few seconds at a time. It had finally come – her wedding day.

It hadn't taken as much time and effort to organize everything as one might have thought since they had agreed on a small and very private ceremony. Even though Tonks still refused to hear any arguments that had to do with the fact that Remus was a werewolf, she knew of course that with Dumbledore dead and You-know-who about to seize power completely, it wasn't exactly wise to turn their wedding into a huge affair. But she didn't need any of that stuff, anyway. All she wanted was to marry Remus and she didn't really care when and where and how.

Unfortunately, no matter how short the guest list was, they still needed someone to perform the ceremony itself because that was the one thing Tonks insisted on. She wanted this to be official. She wouldn't settle for some hoax wedding. If that meant that the Ministry would know (and by extension You-know-who as well), then so be it. They all knew that dark and difficult times lay ahead and Tonks thought it was ridiculous to assume that she would become a target of higher value than any other member of the Order only because she married Remus.

Tonks' eyes scanned the room around her. It felt slightly weird to stand in the very room, in which she had spent her entire childhood, mere minutes before she would get married. But they had needed a private and safe location without any unwanted witnesses and her parents' house had been their best option (since Tonks had refused to take Molly up on her offer to host the ceremony at the Burrow. It had been a sweet gesture, but Molly had her hands full with Bill and Fleur's wedding already).

Her parents had agreed, mostly interested in their daughter's safety, and had decorated their living room for the occasion. Most of the furniture had been moved elsewhere so that there was room for a few chairs with an aisle between them, leading towards a white chuppah. As a little girl Tonks had once accompanied her father to a wedding of friends of his, who were Muggles and they had stood under such a thing during the ceremony. Apparently, Tonks had admired its beauty and so yesterday, Tonks' Dad had surprised her with her own chuppah, which he had made for her. It was a magical chuppah of course, adorned with flowers that kept moving as if there were a slight breeze in the room and the intricate wood carvings of several white pigeons would take flight once the ceremony was over.

Tonks absolutely loved it. Even though her parents hadn't seemed exactly thrilled with their daughter's sudden decision to get married, they had still put a lot of effort into decorating the house and making sure there was enough food for everyone. Tonks suspected that now that they'd had the chance to actually get to know Remus, they had realized how wonderful he really was and therefore had decided to put their doubts and fears aside and make sure their daughter got the wedding she wanted. Tonks felt extremely grateful for that.

There was a knock on the door and her mother appeared in the doorway. Tonks smiled at her through the mirror she was currently looking into. "Good, Mum, come in. How do I look?"

Andromeda closed the door behind her and approached the mirror, standing beside her daughter. "You look gorgeous! A really beautiful, young lady – well, except for the pink hair."

"Yeah, well, Remus likes it that way and all the other colours I've tried were way too boring. I mean, this is a special day, right?"

Her mother sighed a little, but she smiled. "Yes, it is, and you should wear your hair exactly the way you like it. Just like you always did."

Tonks smiled at her Mum and studied herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time. Her reflection hadn't changed. She was wearing a strapless white dress. Its bodice was of a blush coloured silk tulle and had little crystal beads on it. The skirt was also a blush silk tulle with a satin lining and the back went into a train. Wrapped around her waist was a cream satin sash, so all in all it was a pretty traditional wedding dress and Tonks had thought long and hard about whether she wanted to wear something like this, whether she needed an elaborate white wedding dress. But eventually, she had decided that every girl should have the opportunity to be a real bride once in her life and that included a real wedding dress, not just a pair of dress robes.

"Oh my…" another voice came from the doorway and Molly entered the room. "Tonks, you look lovely!"

"Thanks, Molly," Tonks beamed at her.

"Yes, I still can't quite believe that you'll be a married woman in less than an hour." Andromeda said and her smile almost seemed a little sad now. "It feels as if it were yesterday that you ran through the house, looking like that prefect girl, and absolutely refused to look like yourself again."

"Oh my, did she do that often?" Molly asked, looking amused.

"Occasionally, but it was only a real problem when she did it at Hogwarts, even tried to cheat with it once. I wasn't amused when I got the letter from Dumbledore. And how often Professor Sprout wrote to me I stopped counting."

Molly laughed while Tonks looked sheepish. "How did you try to cheat?"

"She made herself look like Professor McGonagall and tried to get her hands on the end-of-term-exams," Andromeda replied.

Molly gasped. "You didn't!"

Tonks shrugged. "I was only fourteen and I was absolutely desperate. I simply couldn't cram all that theoretical stuff into my head. My finest hour came when we started on Human Transfiguration."

"But what happened when you ran around like Minerva?" Molly asked.

"Well, I met the real one, of course. She almost had a heart attack. Dumbledore wasn't amused," Tonks remembered with a guilty smile on her face.

"I can imagine," Molly said, smiling as well.

Before Tonks could further defend herself, there was a soft knock on the door. Molly went to open up, but when she saw who it was, she almost slammed the door shut again. "Remus! What are you doing here? Don't you know that it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?"

"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to Dora… just for a minute," Remus replied, straining his neck to peek into the room.

Molly folded her arms across her chest. "Why, can't that wait until after the ceremony?"

"No, I'm afraid, it cannot."

Molly sighed and looked helplessly from Andromeda to Tonks, who merely shrugged. "It's fine with me. I'm not superstitious," she said because she was curious what this was all about.

"Fine," Molly said, even though she didn't sound fine.

Andromeda gently steered her out of the room. "We'll wait for you… outside," she told her daughter, but she looked a little worried when she went past Remus.

Remus smiled weakly at the two elder women and then hurried to close the door behind them. When he turned around to Tonks, he stopped. "… You're amazingly beautiful… I mean, even more so than usual."

A broad smile spread across Tonks' face. "Thanks, you look very handsome yourself," she replied, taking in the new dress robes Remus was wearing, with a pure white rose in the buttonhole. But Remus' answering smile seemed awkward and it wasn't hard for Tonks to guess why. She knew Remus didn't have the money to buy a pair of new and simple but elegant dress robes. So he had probably been forced to accept them as a gift from her father or perhaps Kingsley… No matter who it had been, Remus certainly wouldn't have liked that.

Therefore Tonks decided to change the topic. "So, what's so urgent? Don't tell me you've got cold feet," she said matter-of-factly even thought the mere thought made her sick.

But Remus shook his head. "No, my feet are fine. My stomach not so much, but I'm told that's normal. Still, seeing the beautifully decorated room downstairs and you in this wonderful dress, all I want is to get started with the ceremony already."

"Oh," Tonks' smile returned, but she tried not to show how very relieved she felt just now. "Well, I'm all set…"

"No, I said _I_want to, but I came here to ask you whether you really want to," Remus explained, grabbing her arm to stop her from heading for the door.

But there was no need to because his words made Tonks stop, anyway. Her eyes wide with surprise, she looked at him. "Er… did Mad-Eye knock you over the head a few times too often with one of his Disillusionment Charms? I mean… you do remember that _I_ was the one who chased after you for an entire year, yes?"

"Yes, and that's exactly it," Remus said, taking her hands in his. "Ever since we've met, you have spent almost your entire time wishing you could be with me and imagining what it would be like, but only in the past few weeks have you actually gotten to know what it's like in reality. And the reality is that I'm a man who couldn't even afford new dress robes for his own wedding; a man who had to move in with you because my place is a rat hole and again I can't afford a place for us that's actually meant for two people to live in it together and finally a man who forced you to change the original wedding date you wanted because it was the day of the full moon." He paused shortly. "So, I guess I just wanted to make sure that… this is still what you want."

Tonks just stared at him for a few seconds. "Okay, since it's our wedding day and you just admitted that you're as nervous as I am, I will give you a break and won't be mad that you still think I might care about stuff like new dress robes or a bigger flat. But I _will_ give you an answer: Of course, I still want to marry you and if only to finally make you shut up about this 'I'm-not-good-enough' crap for good."

At first, Remus looked as if he wanted to say something else, but then he just smiled. "Well, in that case, we shouldn't let our guests wait any longer."

"After you," Tonks replied with a huge smile.

Remus gave her a quick kiss before he left the room and went downstairs again. Tonks followed him more slowly. Molly and her parents waited for her at the head of the stairs. "Is everything alright?" her mother asked, sounding a little anxious.

"Better than alright, Mum. I'm getting married!"

Her parents both smiled at her. "Yes, even though I still can't quite believe it. My little girl…"

"Please, Mum, spare me the childhood anecdotes!" Tonks interrupted her. "Just… tell me you love me and that you're happy for me."

For a split-second, Andromeda seemed a little taken aback, but then she gave her daughter a hug. "I love you and I'm happy for you… Nymphadora."

Tonks stuck her tongue out at her, but her Mum just smiled and went downstairs. Molly followed suit and her Dad offered her his right arm to guide her down the stairs.

"You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen," he told her. "Well, since your mother, of course."

Tonks grinned at him. "Thanks, Dad."

Downstairs music started playing and they began to descend the stairs. In the living-room all eyes were on her, but Tonks only cared about one particular pair of eyes. Remus really did look handsome in his new dress robes, even though she had meant what she'd said. She would have admired him just as much in his old robes because the only thing that really mattered to her was the smile on his face. It made him look several years younger and even all the premature lines in his face seemed to have vanished. Tonks had never seen Remus as happy and relaxed as he looked today, as if all the burdens he insisted on carrying around with him had finally been forgotten. That in itself made this entire day worthwhile.

When Tonks stopped next to him under the chuppah and he took her hands in his own, she felt absolutely safe and content as if nothing she had done in her life so far had been as right as this, and it was with the greatest of efforts that she divided her attention between Remus and the minister who began with the ceremony. There were only three sentences that really mattered after all.

"Do you, Remus John Lupin, take Nymphadora Tonks to be your wife to love, comfort and cherish from this day forth as long as you both shall live?"

Tonks even forgot to make a face when the minister used her full name because she was already lost in Remus' eyes.

A fraction of a second, two nervous heartbeats, then a smile. "Yes, I do."

And Tonks felt her heart swelling to twice its usual size and she wouldn't have been surprised if they had just taken off the ground and as long as she was still holding Remus' hands, she wouldn't have cared either.

"And do you, Nymphadora Tonks, take Remus John Lupin to be your husband to love, comfort and cherish from this day forth as long as you both shall live?"

She had to speak now, produce a sound with her lips, which sole purpose seemed to be to kiss those smiling at her right now… but they responded automatically as if they had only been waiting for this very moment. "Yes, I do."

And then one of Remus' hands let go of her own and he reached into one of his pockets. Next, something golden sparkled between his fingers, the ring, the symbol of their bond made for eternity. Tonks barely felt how he placed it on her left hand. She was still staring into Remus' face, watching how his lips moved. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Finally, she had to tear her eyes away from him in order to take the second ring from him and place it on his hand. "With this ring, I thee wed," she repeated when she looked into this eyes once again.

"Having thus pledged yourselves each to the other, I do now, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Ministry of Magic, pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Or maybe four important sentences, Tonks thought grinning when Remus leaned in to kiss her. She heard distant cheering and the fluttering of the birds that took flight, but she wasn't really in the room anymore. There was only Remus and endless space around them. And she clung to him as if her life depended on it and rather strangely, kissing him seemed to be the only thing she really needed to do.

Until finally, someone cleared their throat significantly, and they broke apart, grinning at each other and then at the smiling faces looking at them. Her parents were the first to hug Tonks and her mother gave Remus a hug, too, while her father shook hands with him. Being unable to stop herself from grinning, Tonks accepted congratulations from everyone present and eventually, they sat down to eat. But she wasn't really hungry and pretty soon they started their first dance instead. She had never been one for dancing (since it was hard enough not to trip over her own feet when she simply walking down a straight corridor) and the same could probably be said for Remus, but they just looked into each other's eyes and it didn't really matter what their feet were actually doing.

Finally, Tonks threw her bridal bouquet, which was quite senseless. Fleur caught it, but everyone already knew that she was going to get married. It was much more fun when Remus threw one of her garters and Mad-Eye's magical eye made a backflip before he caught it. All in all it was a lovely celebration, but when darkness had fallen outside, Tonks and Remus grew a little restless. They were thankful for their friends' support, but they wanted to be alone now. Fortunately, everybody understood.

"We wanted to attach some tins to a broomstick," Molly told them. "But, well, we thought it would be safer for you to just Disapparate."

They nodded and bid their farewell to everyone before they Apparated back to Tonks' place – no, _their_ place. A grin spread across Tonks' face when she saw the door. It said 'just married' in bright, colour-changing letters. She had barely time to wonder whether her neighbours would be able to read this before Remus took her into his arms to carry her over the threshold and straight into the bedroom.

"You know, actually, it's a shame to take this dress off you. There are no words to accurately describe how beautiful you look in it," Remus whispered into her ear.

"Thanks, but I thought we agreed that clothes are of no importance to us – especially tonight," Tonks replied.

Remus smiled and gave her a long and passionate kiss. But he let go of her lips again to look into her eyes. "I love you," he said simply, but the words were so pure and honest that Tonks could feel them go right to her heart.

"I love you, too, and you better be prepared to hear that for the rest of your life," she replied.

Instead of saying anything else, Remus started kissing her again and this time, neither one of them let go again. And all there was, was their love for each other and this, their wedding night.


	10. The Honeymoon is over

A/N: I was really happy to see that some people are still interested in this story, so I tried to hurry with the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who added my story as favourite and of course to my amazing reviewers ;)

**Chapter 10: The Honeymoon is over**

Silent tears were running down her cheeks and Tonks did not even bother to wipe them away while she stared into the crackling fire. But tonight, no comforting warmth radiated from it or if it did, it just wasn't strong enough to fight the cold- and numbness inside her heart.

The sensation became strangely familiar lately. She had felt the same all-consuming sadness when Dumbledore had died and although her wedding had temporarily banished all bad thoughts and all evil, it was back now and more powerful than it had ever been. Dumbledore had been a real shock of course, but Mad-Eye… he had been a real friend, an advisor, and earlier in her days at Auror headquarters she had been his protégée.

Tonks had never quite understood why he had picked her, but ever since that day he had always been there for her, had always cared for her in his very special way of showing affection. And she had never ever imagined that they could lose him – him, Alastor Mad-Eye Moody, the skilled and proud warrior, always a source of strength and reassurance to her. A world without Mad-Eye was just unthinkable… But it seemed that especially those men, to whom they had all looked as their leaders and of whom they had all thought that they would just always stick around somehow, were the ones to leave them now.

Dumbledore and Mad-Eye… the Order lost more and more valuable members while You-know-who won more and more people over – for example Thicknesse – and spun his net around them like one giant and especially ugly spider. But even more outrageous than those who joined the dark side were those members of the Order who suddenly backed out, just gave up, arguing that it was already too late to stop You-know-who. Only the true core of the Order remained.

But what could they do? What other options did they have? Well, make sure that Harry was safe, of course. After all, that was what Mad-Eye had died for tonight. Tonks shivered at the memory. Actually, they had been lucky that there hadn't been more deaths and that all of them, except Mad-Eye, had escaped the ambush more or less alive. She, too, had almost been hit by one of the gazillion curses Bellatrix had sent after her. Her aunt had acted as if her own life had been at stake if she didn't manage to kill her niece. But Tonks didn't really care about her motives. She only wished she would have managed to kick Bellatrix off her broom, for Sirius, for everything…

And she wished that Remus would come home now. He and Bill had left to retrieve Mad-Eye's body, but they had left hours ago… and this night's events had proved that it was not at all safe for them out there. If at least they knew how You-know-who had learned of their plan to move Harry tonight because if he hadn't known, none of this would have happened and Mad-Eye wouldn't be… wouldn't be…

Tonks sobbed. She just couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheeks although she knew that they wouldn't change a thing. They wouldn't bring Mad-Eye back from the dead. Tonks wanted to stop crying, wanted to get up and distract herself from her fallen friend by worrying about her husband. But she couldn't. She felt strange, almost sick. Tonks took a deep breath to calm herself and then there was a noise at the door.

Her heart skipped a beat, but next Remus entered and despite feeling nauseous, Tonks jumped to her feet and flung her arms around his neck. "Oh, thank goodness," she whispered. When she stepped back again, she looked into Remus' face. It was carefully guarded, but still alarmingly white and he looked old, extremely old and tired. "Did you…?"

"We couldn't find him," Remus replied curtly before she could even finish her question.

Tonks felt a pang of guilt in her chest – she should have done something, anything to prevent this from happening or at the very least she should gave given Mad-Eye, her friend, her mentor, the funeral he deserved – but the exhaustion that radiated from Remus made her hold back the tears for now.

Her husband had sat down on the sofa and she joined him. "It's not your fault," she said gently. "You did everything you could."

"Well, wasn't good enough, was it?" Remus snapped and sighed. He buried his face in his hands for a few seconds and then got up. "I'm tired," he said by way of apologizing for his behaviour.

Tonks got to her feet as well. "You are not just tired. I know how you feel. I feel the same," she told him and stopped him from leaving the room.

Remus turned around again and looked at her. "I can't stop thinking about how close I came to losing you tonight," he finally admitted.

"We got all close to losing each other," Tonks replied and stepped closer towards him.

"But Bellatrix wasn't pursuing the others, was she?"

Tonks sighed. "She would have killed them just as she tried to kill me."

"Yeah, exactly, she wanted _you_," Remus said and looked away.

"Well, I'm her niece. She probably regards my mere existence as a disgrace to the entire family, not to mention my involvement with the Order." Tonks shrugged.

"No, it's not your existence," Remus disagreed, however, "it's that you married a werewolf into the family."

Tonks stared at him, only now realising where this all came from – again. "Oh, no, Remus, this has nothing to do with you. Last time I faced her, I even ended up in St. Mungo's, remember? And there was no way she could have known that I was in love with you then."

"Yes, you ended up in St. Mungo's, but she didn't finish you off. It was I who made you a target she really wanted to eradicate from the face of this earth," Remus said, still staring at the window.

But Tonks took his face in her hands and forced him to look at her. "You cannot seriously believe that! Bellatrix never cared about whether I was alive or dead! And tonight when she followed me to get to 'Harry', well, of course she aimed to kill! Every Death Eater would have done!"

"You told me yourself she wanted you as badly as Harry," Remus reminded her coldly.

"Yes, but… that had nothing to do with you!" Tonks wanted to be mad at him, but she felt too weak to even muster some serious frustration. But why couldn't he just stop blaming himself for everything?

Remus turned his head away again. "If you say so."

Tonks felt the tears returning. "And what does it matter, anyway? I'm not the one who's dead! But Mad-Eye is!"

"I know." And now Remus finally looked at her again and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry."

Tonks rested her head on his shoulder and wished with all her might that this would have been nothing but a bad dream. But even the warmth of Remus' embrace wouldn't bring back the happiness of those wondrous days after their wedding. They seemed to belong to a different lifetime, one that was perhaps already gone…

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><p>Deep in thought, Remus headed for the front door of their flat. He'd just had a rather strange encounter with Arthur, who had asked him how Dora was doing and Remus had of course assumed that he was talking about the shock of Mad-Eye's death since everybody knew that the two of them had been close in a very weird father-surrogate-daughter kind of relationship. But as their conversation had continued, it had become clear that Arthur was in fact talking about something else. However, as soon as he had realised that Remus had no clue about whatever it was, Arthur had excused himself rather quickly.<p>

Both intrigued and worried, Remus entered the living-room now and sure enough found Dora sitting at the table, a steaming mug in her hands, staring out of the window. But when she heard him enter, she looked up and smiled at him. Was he imagining it or was her smile more brittle and less bright than usual?

Remus decided to skip pretending and asked, "What's wrong?"

Dora looked surprised for a second, but then just shrugged. "Nothing, I've just had better days at the office, but didn't we all?"

"Yeah, Arthur told me," Remus replied and sat down next to her.

He did _not_ imagine it. Dora looked definitely alarmed, even shocked. "He… he told you?"

"Well, he didn't exactly tell me what happened. But he asked me how you'd be taking it." Remus watched her closely and thought that Dora relaxed slightly. Something was definitely wrong here. "So, what _did_ happen?" he asked, growing impatient.

"Oh… I… it's…" She trailed off, obviously struggling with herself whether to tell the truth or not.

"Dora, it's alright. Just tell me." He reached across the table for her hands, but he thought he had an idea what might be going on. Obviously, something had happened at the Ministry – something Dora was reluctant to tell him, which meant that it had something to do with him, with their marriage, with… what he was. Probably, someone at the Ministry had picked up on that. He had been afraid of that ever since their wedding.

"Alright, but promise me you won't take this wrong again, will you?" She looked at him in a silent plea, but eventually added, "I… I got sacked."

Remus felt as if someone had punched him in the face. "Sacked?" he repeated hoarsely. "Why?" It was a stupid question, of course. He already knew, but still…

Dora looked at her mug of hot chocolate. "It doesn't matter."

"Why?" Remus repeated with more insistence in his voice.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, I'm in the Order! I neither followed the old Ministry's policy nor You-know-who's new one, which is slowly taking over. It was just a matter of time, wasn't it?" But Dora's voice was unnaturally high-pitched and she still wouldn't look at him.

"Why hasn't Arthur been sacked then?" Remus asked coldly.

"How would I know? Maybe… because he's worked there longer than I have." Dora shrugged.

"This is not the truth and you know it." Remus' voice remained calm even though he didn't feel calm inside.

Now Dora did look at him. "Well, if you already know, why are you asking me then?" she snapped defensively.

"So, it's true. You got sacked because you married a werewolf." There it was again – the voice inside of him that had always tried to reason with him but had lately been silenced by his heart. But now it seemed to sneer at him. _I__told__you__so_.

Dora closed her eyes for a few seconds. "Even if that were the reason, it wouldn't matter."

"It wouldn't matter?" Remus repeated incredulously.

"This is not the Ministry I wanted to work at. They are helpless and grow increasingly desperate. They forget about what's right and what's wrong and now it's only a matter of time until You-know-who will seize control of it and then it'll really be living hell. I couldn't have worked for _him_, anyway."

"So, you're saying you don't care about the fact that you just lost the job you've worked so hard for ever since Hogwarts; the job for which you pulled all-nighters to get that blasted NEWT in Potions; the only job you could ever picture yourself doing?" Remus asked, unable to hide his disbelief.

"I… I said it doesn't matter, not that I don't care! But we're facing much greater problems right now!" Dora tried to reason, but Remus wasn't willing to use Voldemort as their excuse for everything.

"And if we didn't?" he therefore asked and started pacing up and down until he turned to look at his wife again. "Don't you see what happened? I always said it would, I always knew. But I was so stupid, so blinded!"

Dora stood up now as well and narrowed her eyes at him. "So, what are you saying?"

Remus continued to pace back and forth like a, well, like a wolf. He might have laughed, but this was so not a laughing matter. "I should have never… never…!"

"You shouldn't have… what?" Dora prompted him, following him with her eyes.

He stopped. "I should have never married you."

Dora looked as if he had slapped her in the face and he just as well might have. But he just couldn't help himself because it was the truth, no matter how painful.

"Don't you see? I made you an outcast! I was always afraid of that, but I thought… I thought… No, I didn't think. You will never get a job again. As soon as people learn that you are married to someone like me, they won't want to talk to you any more than they want to talk to me! So they'll either avoid you or as your dear aunt try to kill you – and all because of me!"

"Do you love me?"

The simple question totally caught Remus off guard. "What?" He stopped pacing again. "Of course, I love you, but that's got nothing to do with it."

"It's got nothing to do with it? It has _everything_ to do with it!" Dora replied, her voice rising slightly. "Because what it all comes down to is that I love you and that that's the only thing that counts even though you make it exceptionally hard for me to love you because I think I might go crazy if I have to say this _one__more__time_: I. Don't. Care. About. What. Other. People. Think. All I care about is that you love me and that I want to be with you."

"But maybe that's exactly what you shouldn't be – with me." Remus turned away.

"No! We won't be doing this again! I won't go there! But I guess I knew you would and that's exactly why I didn't want to tell…" She suddenly stopped midsentence and then: "Remus!"

There was something in her voice, something utterly scared and confused, that didn't seem to have anything to do with their conversation. And Remus turned around just in time to see Dora faint. He barely managed to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Dora!" But she didn't respond. Her body was limp in his arms and her eyes remained closed. Remus' first instinct was to panic, but he pulled himself together and picked Dora up to carry her into their bedroom. When he had gently put her down on the bed, he waved his wand with his very much shaking hand and conjured a goblet of water for her.

Feeling as if he had no idea what the hell he was doing, Remus put the goblet to Dora's mouth and tried to get her to drink some of the water, which mostly just trickled down her cheeks. "Come on, Dora, please wake up!" he muttered, cursing himself silently. This was all his fault. After Mad-Eye's death and losing her job she hadn't been up for a fight with him, especially not for _this_ fight. But Remus hadn't known that he was physically wearing her down, too.

Finally, Dora began to stir and opened her eyes again. "What… what happened?" she asked, her voice still very faint.

"I don't know. You just fainted," Remus told her, stroking her hair in relief.

"Really? Well, I've been feeling a little weird lately," Dora said.

Remus gave her a weak smile. "You could have told me. You scared the bloody hell out of me."

"So, you really _do_ love me." Dora smiled again.

"That was never in question."

"Then neither is anything else. Period. The End," Dora said.

Remus sighed. "I think you should get some sleep. It seems your body needs it."

Dora nodded. "Only if you stay with me, though," she said and reached for his hand.

Remus smiled and lay down next to her. Dora snuggled up to him and drifted off to sleep almost immediately. But the dark thoughts in Remus' head still kept him up when his wife was already snoring peacefully…

But apparently, he did fall asleep, eventually, because he opened his eyes again when the sun had already risen outside the window.

"How are you feeling?" he asked Dora, who was awake as well.

"Better, I think," she said and shrugged.

"Good, I'll get us some breakfast." A few minutes later Remus returned with a breakfast tray, but thought that Dora still looked a bit pale despite her reassurances to the contrary. So, when he had set down the tray in front of them, he asked, "Are you sure you're feeling alright? Maybe you should rather stay in bed…"

"Oh no, there's no way I'll miss Harry's birthday party tonight!" And Dora sat up and looked at the breakfast tray. Remus watched her closely, but was still caught by surprise when his wife suddenly jumped to her feet and hurried towards the bathroom. He was only halfway up when he heard her vomit.

"Oh dear," he sighed and found Dora kneeling on the bathroom floor. "Dora, do you…?"

"Go away, Remus! This is disgusting!" she interrupted him while her eyes were leaking tears.

"Nothing about you could ever be disgusting," he said gently and helped her up and back into the bed. Then he gave her some water and watched while she drank hesitantly. "I think we should get a Healer to check you out."

"No." Dora shook her head. "I'm feeling better already. Honestly," she added when he didn't look convinced.

"But _I_ would feel better if I heard that from someone who actually knows what they are talking about." Remus smiled at her and left into the living-room. However, he was reluctant to bring her to St. Mungo's. For one thing, he didn't want to force Dora to move and then, most importantly, he wasn't sure who really was in charge at St Mungo's these days. If the Ministry had fired Dora because she had married him, a werewolf, how would they react at St. Mungo's? Of course the Healers had to help her and they probably didn't even know, but still…

Fresh anger filled Remus, anger directed at himself, for being irresponsible, for making Dora an outcast and for not being able to get his wife the medical attention she needed. He had actually never considered the possibility that even her health might suffer because of him.

But then Remus had an idea and sat down to write a letter. To his delight and relief an answer arrived about two hours later and shortly after that there was a knock on the door.

"Thanks so much for coming," Remus said when he allowed Poppy Pomfrey to enter.

"Oh, but of course, after all, we've got to stick together now more than ever," the Hogwarts matron replied, sighing slightly. "And this is a very welcome distraction for me so that I can stop worrying about what will happen at the school in the upcoming term, at least for a little while."

Remus smiled. "Dora's in the bedroom," he told her and led the way.

"Oh, yes, where are my manners? Congratulations," Poppy said smiling.

"On what?" Remus asked irritated.

"Your wedding, of course. I know it's already been a few weeks, but we haven't been in touch," Poppy explained.

"Oh, well, yes… thank you." Remus put on a smile, but it felt fake.

Poppy entered the bedroom and turned around. "I think you should wait here. This will probably just take a few minutes." She smiled and closed the door in his face.

Remus shrugged and sat down on the couch. Dora's condition had put an end to their nasty fight yesterday. But it didn't change anything. He had made her an outcast just as he had known all along, but he had acted like a lovesick teenager and ignored all the consequences. And now everything was a mess. He had known that it was foolish, irresponsible and a great mistake to marry Dora, but he had still gone through with the wedding because… because he loved her, dammit, and had never felt more at home and at peace than he did here with her, had never felt happier – for a few days, at least.

But now their honeymoon was over, literally, and reality had caught up with him, had burst his bubble. No matter how much he loved Dora, they weren't meant to be or rather he wasn't meant to be with anyone. It was part of the curse he carried. His kind was meant to be alone. Unfortunately, he had underestimated what a woman like Dora, her determination and her unconditional love could do to him. Now, the harm was done. Dora was an outcast just like he was and he doubted that even a divorce would be able to re-establish her reputation. And frankly, the mere thought of leaving her and driving her into another man's arms was simply unbearable.

But was it even fair to Dora if he stayed with her although he couldn't even muster an honest smile when someone congratulated him on their wedding?

The bedroom door opened again and Poppy smiled at him. "You can relax. She is not sick."

"But why…?"

"I think she would like to explain that to you herself," Poppy replied mysteriously.

Remus looked confused, but shook her hand nevertheless. "Well, thanks again for coming."

"I wish I could say 'anytime', but I'm afraid I won't be able to leave Hogwarts very often as soon as term starts." Poppy sighed and left.

As soon as she had done so, Dora hurried out of the bedroom, looking absolutely radiant. Remus hadn't even finished wondering whether she should be out of bed already, when she started screaming: "Remus, I'm pregnant! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!"

And Remus' mind went totally blank.


	11. Darkness takes over

A/N: Again it took longer than I thought to update, but I'm working on another story as a Christmas present for a friend of mine. I'll try to do both at the same time, but just so you know that I won't be as fast with updates until Christmas, which is less than a month away! Can't wait! Anyway, at least this chapter is a rather long one and I hope you'll like it although it's pretty dark. Sorry about that.

* * *

><p>"<em>Remus, I'm pregnant! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!"<em>

_And Remus' mind went totally blank_

**Chapter 11: Darkness takes over**

When Dora wrapped her arms around him to hug and kiss him, Remus' arms and lips merely responded automatically because he couldn't think, couldn't do anything but stand there in disbelief, praying that he had heard wrong.

But when Dora let go of him again, he looked at her and there was no doubt about it. Remus couldn't help wondering whether he had ever seen her smile with such joy and delight. Even their wedding day seemed to pale in comparison. Happiness practically radiated from her like heat from a fire, but just like a fire would, her happiness burned him, burned him alive because his insides were stone-cold.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Dora prompted him now.

"I… don't… know what to say," Remus managed to reply and it wasn't even a lie.

"I know! It's just… incredible! I…" She stopped mid-sentence. "Harry's birthday party! We're gonna be late if we don't leave like right now!" And she hurried off to get dressed.

Remus was left alone, standing in the living room and still struggling to understand what had just happened. It just couldn't be. Well, obviously it could. But he had never, never in his entire miserable life thought about having a child. Well, of course, he hadn't. His kind did not usually breed. As a matter of fact, Remus had never even heard of a case like this.

So, what did that mean? He was carrying a curse, a very ancient and mighty curse, and surely, he had passed it on to his child or hadn't he? No, it just had to be like him. Remus didn't know why, but he was absolutely convinced of it. An innocent child… forced to live a life of a hellish creature like himself, a life of an outcast, a bloody poor life – his very own life. The mere thought was disgusting and it caught Remus totally off guard.

A thousand times he had thought about Dora and how she would have to suffer because of him, which was bad enough. But in the end, she'd had a choice. For reasons that were still beyond him, she loved him and she had known at least theoretically what she was getting herself into. But this child… it didn't have that choice. It couldn't simply choose not to have such a father, a father of whom it would have to be ashamed even if – by some chance or miracle – it wouldn't be like him. Either way, it was one thing to be responsible for making his wife an outcast, but something entirely different to afflict an innocent child with his condition. It was a crime worthy of Azkaban. He despised himself for it. How could he possibly ever forgive himself?

Remus was ripped out of his thoughts when Dora returned to his side, wearing fresh robes and that radiant smile on her face. In fact, it was so radiant that she didn't even seem to realise that his own smile was rather weak.

But Remus felt even worse in the company of all those smiling people at the Burrow. Still, he hoped he had done a good enough job at pretending while he had congratulated Harry, but he had barely spoken a word since. But they didn't have to stay long, anyway. They hadn't even started dinner when Arthur warned them via his Patronus that the Minister would accompany him. Remus knew at once that they shouldn't be here when he arrived, judging by the anti-werewolf attitude of the Ministry, especially now that they were a werewolf, his wife and another werewolf, yet to be born, no matter that no one else knew yet. Still, he apologized to Harry, seized Dora's wrist and pulled her away. Mere seconds later they had Disapparated.

"I wonder what Scrimgeour wanted at the Burrow?" Dora was wondering when they entered their living room.

Remus said nothing.

"Well, whatever it was, he could have taken a little more time. I so wanted to taste that birthday cake Molly had made. It looked delicious! You know what? I think our child likes cake. It certainly makes me want to eat some." Dora smiled at him and went into the kitchen.

Remus sat down on the couch and even though he had known Dora for over two years now, he still marvelled at how very indifferent Dora seemed to be about the fact that she had just been forced to leave their friends' house, running away from the Minister of Magic, because she was married to a werewolf and now also carrying one inside of her.

When she returned from the kitchen with a bowl of ice cream (apparently, there hadn't been any cake), she sat down beside him. "But we didn't have any chance to talk, yet. What are your thoughts on becoming a father? Everything happened so fast." Dora looked at him expectantly.

Remus was just wondering whether she really was naïve or if she was merely determined to pretend she didn't know that their child would be a werewolf, when there was a knock on the door.

"Who's that?" Dora asked, looking alarmed.

As if he had heard her, Kingsley's voice answered. "It's me, Kingsley Shacklebolt. Remus and I met for the first time in the kitchen at number twelve Grimmauld place about two years ago. But we abandoned the place because Dumbledore had been Secret Keeper and now after his death it's not safe anymore, although we hope that Mad-Eye's jinxes will keep Snape out and…"

But Remus had already opened the door. "Alright, we believe it's you."

Kingsley gave him a brief smile and entered.

"Did something happen?" Dora asked anxiously.

"No, I just came by to talk to you about a few things."

Remus nodded and they sat down on the couch. Dora listened for a while but then her head started to drop onto Remus' shoulder and eventually, he suggested that she should go to bed.

"Yes, sounds like a good idea. I think we'll do that." And she got up, gave him a goodnight kiss and left for the bedroom.

"What did she mean by 'we'?" Kingsley asked, frowning.

"Probably nothing, she was just tired," Remus replied. He knew keeping it quiet wouldn't change it. But he just didn't feel up to admitting it to anyone.

He slept incredibly bad that night and got up pretty early in the morning. Dora, however, slept like a, well, like a baby. But Remus was fine with that. Only when it was time for her to get out of bed if she wanted to get ready for the wedding they'd be attending, he woke her up.

"It's so late already? Oh dear! Poppy said I would need lots of sleep, but I had no idea." But Dora smiled (actually Remus thought that she hadn't stopped smiling ever since Poppy had left) and focused on her wardrobe. "Gosh, what should I wear?" She giggled. "You know, in a few months time this might not even fit me anymore. Oh, I have to ask Molly when you start getting bigger. But Poppy advised me not to tell too many people before the end of the third month because… well, there are things that can happen before then…"

Remus looked up. So there was a chance that the child wouldn't survive the third month, wouldn't be forced to live the life his horrible father had passed on to him. But Remus immediately shook his head and hated himself even more for even thinking about the possibility that Dora could lose the child. After all, that certainly wouldn't go without a great deal of pain for her and that had always been the last thing he'd wanted.

When Dora had finally chosen what to wear, it was time for them to leave. Remus had never seen the Burrow this festive before or the garden filled with so many people. But he didn't feel any better than he had at Harry's birthday party yesterday. After all, there were even more happy people around today. Fortunately, Dora seemed busy talking to those people and he was pretty much left alone with his miserable thoughts. But after the ceremony when everybody started dancing, Dora insisted on doing the same. Remus wanted to tell her no, but that would only have led to some kind of argument and this was neither the time nor the place.

So he was dragged onto the dance floor, but mostly concentrated on not looking the way he felt rather than on his feet. After he had been allowed to sit down again, a few friends tried to start a conversation with him, including Arthur who seemed to notice that Remus wasn't exactly in high spirits. But Remus didn't feel ready to talk to him about it. After all, he hadn't even confessed his feelings to Dora and frankly, he had no idea how to do that. Sitting alone at his table, he watched her, being as happy as she deserved to be if it hadn't been for all the wrong reasons, and suddenly the thought crossed his mind that she and the baby would probably be better off without him…

And then Kingsley's Patronus appeared out of nowhere and put a rather sudden end to the celebrations with the news that the Ministry had fallen, Scrimgeour been killed and first and foremost that they were coming for them.

Panic and chaos erupted all around him. People started screaming and running around, knocking over tables and chairs until they finally realised that they were able to Disapparate now that the protective spells of the Ministry had been broken. Remus jumped to his feet, searching frantically for his wife, who to his great relief appeared next to him, looking scared. He had just seized her hand when cloaked and hooded figures appeared in the crowd.

Remus shouted _"__Protego!__"_ and heard Dora next to him do the same.

Finally, the crowd thinned and fortunately, most guests had Disapparated. Remaining were the Weasleys, most members of the Order who had attended the wedding and a few others who had probably been too slow to understand what was going on. To Remus' relief everybody seemed fine and what was most important: Harry, Ron and Hermione were gone. But the question was whether the Death Eaters even knew that they had been here.

It turned out that they did not. They shooed everyone into the living room and started searching the Burrow from top to bottom. They found the ghoul and actually believed the story that it was Ron with Spattergroit. Remus exchanged a triumphant look with Arthur. Next the Death Eaters interrogated them for hours as it seemed, trying to get information about Harry's whereabouts. But of course, only the members of the Order knew he had been attending the wedding at all and they claimed that they didn't have a clue. And since those guests who had stayed behind and had no connection to the Order confirmed that they hadn't seen Harry at the wedding, the Death Eaters seemed to believe that, too. However, they were not so willing to accept that no one knew where else Harry could be.

"We entered every house connected to your lot simultaneously and if he's found at any of those places and you lied to us, you all will suffer the consequences!" One of them threatened.

"Oh no, Mum and Dad," Dora whispered. She sat in one of the armchairs while Remus stood next to it. "What if they know that he visited them shortly!"

"They'll be fine," Remus replied urgently, indicating her to be quiet. He didn't want to draw the Death Eaters' attention towards them.

But they were busy whispering to each other and after threatening them all a little more, they finally had no other option but to leave again.

"Oh, thank goodness," Molly sighed and hurried to hug everyone, whether family or not.

"They weren't entirely convinced. I'm sure they'll tail us, hoping that one of us will eventually lead them to Harry," Arthur said, watching them leave through the window.

"And they'll surely continue to watch every house with a possible connection to him," Remus agreed.

"Where is Harry, anyway?" Dora asked now.

"Who knows? But hopefully somewhere safe."

"I saw him, Ron and Hermione Disapparate at once. I'm sure whatever it is they are about to do, they've got a plan," Bill said.

Remus had been about to say something, but Dora beat him to it. "I want to go check on Mum and Dad," she told him.

"But we can't be sure whether the Death Eaters who might have searched their house have left already," Remus objected.

"I don't care. I need to know that they are OK." She got up from her chair. "I'll go without you if I have to."

Remus sighed. He knew that look in her eyes. Apparently, the pregnancy didn't change anything about how stubborn Dora could be and the last thing he wanted, now that Voldemort had indeed taken over, was Dora to be alone out there. So he was forced to give in. "No, I'll come with you."

"Be careful," Molly said, looking reluctant to let them go. Remus knew that if the Burrow had been big enough, she would have loved to make them stay altogether.

"We will," Remus promised her while Dora seemed too tense to say anything. He grabbed her hand and they stepped out into the night.

* * *

><p>She barely dared to breathe and when they appeared in front of her parents' house, Tonks couldn't stop herself from crying out in shock. The front door had been kicked down and the garden looked devastated, a few trees and plants were still on fire. Tonks let go of Remus' hand and ran towards the house.<p>

"Dora!" She could see that Remus tried to hold her back, but she was faster. She knew of course from her basic Auror training that it wasn't wise to run into a house that had obviously been entered by Death Eaters by force (and which they might not have left yet), but she really didn't care right now. Tonks barely heard Remus shout _'__Aguamenti!__'_ to extinguish the fire while he followed her.

Wand at the ready, Tonks rushed into the living room, which looked just as devastated with furniture turned upside down or smashed completely, but she didn't care because she spotted her parents in the middle of all this chaos. Apparently, the Death Eaters had indeed only just left because her father was just about to help her Mum to get up from the floor.

"Mum, Dad!" Tonks cried and tripped over several things while she hurried towards them.

Her mother looked white as a sheet, but she seemed to strengthen somewhat when she saw her daughter. "Dora, thank goodness!"

They hugged, but Andromeda winced a little at the fierceness of the hug and Tonks let go. "I'm sorry. What did they do to you?"

Her mother refused to answer, but Ted replied in a hoarse voice, "Cruciatus Curse." Tonks gasped. "They wanted us to tell them where Harry had gone after staying with us. Bad luck for them that we don't know anything of the boy's plans."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Tonks whispered, close to tears.

"It's alright. It wasn't your fault, Dora. And after all, we are all okay and this can easily be cleaned up," her father replied, mustering a smile and pointing at the devastation around them.

"Would you like some help with that?" Remus suddenly offered and Tonks realised only now that he was standing behind her.

"Yes, thank you, son," Ted replied and the two men started restoring the living room.

Tonks sat down on the couch next to her mother. Andromeda took her hand. "You'll stay for the rest of the night, alright? I don't want you to go back out there. They're probably waiting at your place, too."

Now that her mother mentioned it, that did indeed seem likely. Still, Tonks hadn't thought about that before. She looked at Remus and nodded. "I think we can stay here for tonight."

"Good, I'll go and make us all some tea." Andromeda wanted to get up, but Tonks held her back.

"I can do that, Mum. Don't you think you should get some rest?" She eyed her warily. Her mother still looked extremely pale.

But she shook her head. "No, but I think I'll go upstairs and change."

Tonks sighed. She had a feeling that her mother just didn't want to show her true and perfectly understandable feelings of shock after having been tortured. So Tonks asked her Dad to go check on her and when they were alone in the living room again, Remus sat down next to her. He opened his mouth, probably to tell her off for simply running into the house like that, but Tonks was faster, again.

"I just realised that they've probably been at our place, too. Mum asked us to stay for the night. I don't think they'll wait for us until morning."

Remus nodded. "Alright."

"It's weird," Tonks continued. "We knew this would happen, but it's still scary that You-know-who is really in power now."

"Yes, we need to be very careful. Perhaps, it really is good after all that you don't have to go to the Ministry anymore, although, being pregnant, you couldn't have done that now, anyway."

Tonks looked at him. "Of course, I could have. I can continue to work till the eighth month at least."

Remus gave her a very strange smile. "Not with You-know-who taking over the Ministry and that particular child you're carrying. But since, unfortunately, we can't change any of that, there's no use discussing it."

"What do you mean by 'unfortunately'?" Had he just said what she thought he had? "Are you saying you don't want this child?" Tonks stared at him and suddenly realised that they had always been prevented from talking about it.

"How could I want it? How could I even look into its eyes?" Remus replied.

"But… I don't understand. Why wouldn't you?" Tonks saw her entire world shatter into pieces before her very own eyes. Everything she had imagined ever since Poppy had told her that she was pregnant. All those pictures of Remus, the baby and herself, as a happy family…

"Please, Dora, stop pretending! We both know what it is that you're carrying inside of you."

"Oh, do we?" Tonks heard the sudden coldness in her voice and she felt anger boiling inside of her, anger at Remus for talking like that. "Why don't you enlighten me because I thought it would be our child that we'd love more than anything else."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, stop kidding yourself!" Remus had jumped to his feet now. "I already told you how I feel about the fact that I married you and made you an outcast. Fine, maybe _you_ don't care about that. But don't you think the child will care about entering this world as a werewolf and being born to face a life of discrimination, despisement and cruelty?"

"But it won't be a werewolf!" Tonks had gotten to her feet now, too. "How could you possibly know? Have you ever heard of a case like this before?"

"No, but…"

"Then why are you so determined to only see the worst in everything? Why can't you think of how wonderful it will be to care for this child, half you and half me?"

"You're thinking of a normal, happy family. But it won't be like that. The child will be like me. I'm just convinced of it! And how could I ever forgive myself for that? But even if it won't," Remus continued, raising his voice because Tonks had opened her mouth to speak, "even if it won't be like me, it would still be a hundred times better off without a father like me, a ruddy werewolf without a job, without any possessions, without anything to give!"

"You've got loads of things to give, things you don't need to buy with money!" Tonks cried in desperation.

"Why won't you get it? I already gave the child more than enough! I gave it a life full of hardship and pain! So of what use would it be if I raised a child whose life I have already destroyed? Everything that's left for me to do, is to spare the child the need to look at its wretched father!"

And to Tonks' utter horror and disbelief, Remus just turned around and headed for the door as if he intended to act upon his last words. "No!" Tonks stumbled after him and seized the back of his robes. Her anger had suddenly evaporated and been replaced by fear and despair. "Don't leave! Don't leave us! If you don't care about the child, what about me? You promised me! _To__love,__comfort__and__cherish__as__long__as__we__both__shall__live_. You promised it!"

Remus turned around, but his face was set. "I told you all along you shouldn't be with me, but you just wouldn't listen. And yes, I promised, and I would have stuck to that promise… but for your child's sake, I can't."

And he hurried out into the night, his robes slipping through her fingers. Still, Tonks followed him, but her knees gave in and she came to kneel on the threshold, tears streaming down her face. "NO! REMUS, COME BACK!"

But part of her knew that it was too late, that he couldn't hear her because he had already Disapparated. Still, she didn't want to believe that, she just _couldn__'__t_ believe that. She was sure he would come back but still she couldn't control the tears and couldn't stop crying. Tonks had no idea how long she had kneeled in the open doorway like this, but her parents had re-entered the living room eventually and utterly bewildered, had found their daughter and dragged her back into the house.

"Good gracious, Dora, what happened?" her mother asked and made her sit down on the couch.

"And where is Remus?" her father added.

This, however, caused Tonks to sob even harder and Andromeda looked at her husband angrily, but he just shrugged defensively.

"Alright, darling, I'm sure everything will be fine. We can help you. But you've got to stop crying," Andromeda cooed, gently stroking her daughter's hair.

Tonks tried to stop, but her hormones wouldn't let her. She wondered why being pregnant made you cry so much. She doubted that there were many other women who were married to a self-conscious werewolf who ran out on them because he couldn't deal with who he was. Tonks couldn't stop thinking about all those horrible things Remus had said and his voice wouldn't stop echoing inside her head and so, she couldn't stop crying either.

"Oh dear," her mother sighed, sat down next to her and pulled her into her arms. As if she were only four years old again, Tonks rested her head at her Mum's shoulder and soaked her robes with tears. Her father sat down on her other side and patted her hand a bit clumsily, obviously feeling rather helpless.

Finally, her tears dried and Tonks calmed down gradually. "Good," her mother said gently. "Would you like some tea?" Tonks nodded weakly and Andromeda indicated her husband to go and get some. When Tonks was clutching a cup of hot tea in her hands a few minutes later, Andromeda continued, "And now, do you think you are up to telling us about what happened?"

Tonks pondered the question. She had to tell her parents that she was pregnant. She couldn't wait with that until the third month was over. But she felt reluctant to tell them about her fight with Remus. They would think that he had walked out on her. Well, he had, but surely he just needed time, to calm down, to think about it, to get used to the idea, just like he had when the issue had been their possible relationship, and then he would come back and her parents never needed to know.

"I… I'm pregnant," she told them silently and could hear how both of her parents gasped.

"You… you are…" stammered her father.

"Oh my gosh… our baby is having a… baby," whispered her mother.

"You do everything the fast way, don't you? You were together for two days and decided to get married…"

"… and you are married for a few weeks and are going to have a baby," Andromeda concluded her husband's sentence. "Are you quite sure?"

Tonks nodded.

"Oh, Ted, but we should be grateful. At least something good in this dark world… We are going to be grandparents!"

And now they started hugging her, one after the other and then both at the same time. But Tonks could barely feel anything. Finally, her mother seemed to remember that, too.

"But you certainly haven't been crying because you are pregnant, now have you?"

"No, Remus and I had a fight because… because he insisted on going to check on… on…" she frantically searched for something that would make sense, "… Harry. And I'm just scared that something could happen to him and then I'd be alone with our child. And once I started crying, I just couldn't stop."

"Oh, don't worry about that. That's just the hormones," her mother reassured her.

Her father frowned. "But… if Remus is the child's father, does that mean that it's going to be a werewolf, too?" he asked.

Tonks jumped up from the couch, sending her cup of tea flying through the air. "No, it won't! You sound just like Remus. But even if it will be, I will still love it more than anything else! _I__DON__'__T__CARE!__"_ And she ran up the stairs and into her old room, slamming the door shut.

Then she fell onto the bed and started crying all over again until she fell asleep, totally exhausted.

When Tonks woke up the next morning and remembered what had happened, she moaned, closing her eyes again and praying that it would turn out to be a nightmare and that she was still asleep. But of course it didn't work that way. Sighing heavily, Tonks sat up. She had been too shocked yesterday to think straight. But Remus' outbursts were nothing entirely new to her. It was his ridiculously bad conscience and that goddamn inferiority complex all over again. She had faced both of them before and she had eventually defeated them.

No matter what Remus said, Tonks knew one thing for sure – that he loved her with all his heart. And that meant that he _had_ to love their child, too. She was certain of it. The problem, however, was once again his 'I'm a bad werewolf and destroy everybody's lives' theory. So all she needed to do was to convince him that their love was strong enough to compensate for that. She had done it before and she would do it again. Only now they were married and Remus would never be able to leave her. Never. Tonks was sure that he was at home, feeling horrible and brooding over everything just like she was. It would be best to go and talk to him right now.

Determined and absolutely certain that she and Remus would reconcile, Tonks entered the bathroom and a few minutes later the kitchen, where her parents sat each over a cup of tea. Both jumped to their feet at her entrance and her Mum gave her Dad a prompting look.

"Err… yes, Dora, I'd like to apologize for what I said yesterday. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's alright, Dad." Tonks even managed a smile. "Can I have a cup of tea before I go?"

"You're leaving?" her mother asked, taken aback. "But I thought you'd stay with us."

"Why would I? Remus and I have our own place and I'm sure the Death Eaters will have left by now," Tonks replied.

"Yes, but we were under the impression that you and Remus… that you had a fight," Andromeda said carefully.

"Yes, but I'll go and talk to him about that now. I think I'll just skip the tea. Thanks for letting me stay for the night." She smiled at both of them and left.

She yearned to talk to Remus.

Mere minutes later, Tonks entered their apartment. But she hadn't been prepared for the sight that greeted her. The living room looked like that of her parents last night, which wasn't much of a surprise. But there was no Remus to be seen. Tonks checked the other rooms, but knew that if he had been here, he probably would have started restoring everything. She felt some of her disappointment return, but decided not to give up just yet. Who knew where he had spent the night. Perhaps he just needed more time to get here.

So, Tonks sat down on the couch and waited. After an hour she busied herself with restoring the mess the Death Eaters had made and then she created new chaos when she tried to find herself something to eat. But the hours passed and no one, neither friend nor foe and first and foremost no Remus, came to join her. When darkness had fallen again, her fear and despair of the other day had returned as well. Tonks was staring out of the window, hugging herself.

"Where are you, Remus? Where are you?" she whispered and a single tear escaped her eye.

* * *

><p>AN: Yes, I know, another cliffy…


	12. Doubts

A/N: I'm so sorry for the colossal wait! I took a Christmas break of sorts, but anyway, Happy New Year and a huge thanks to all of you who are still interested in this story. At least there are two chapters today. I apologize for all the drama, but there was really no other way. I hope you enjoy! ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12: Doubts<strong>

_So of what use would it be if I raised a child whose life I have already destroyed? Everything that's left for me to do, is to spare the child the need to look at its wretched father!"_

Tonks woke with a start and with the echo of a voice she just wouldn't stop hearing inside her head. She sat up and the morning sickness hit her instantly. Tonks hurried to get out of bed and dashed into the bathroom to drop on her knees and vomit into the toilet. She felt tired and awful and tears were running down her cheeks. Although she had once asked Remus to leave her alone in a moment like this, now she desperately wished for him to be here.

Her mother usually came to help her, to hold her hair out of the way and gently rub her back, but it just wasn't the same. Tonks even locked the door sometimes so that she actually wouldn't come in. She had returned to her parents' house because she hadn't been able to stand the loneliness and hadn't felt safe either, being on her own. But she still hadn't told them what had really happened. Still, her parents of course suspected that Remus had left her and if they dared to mention his name, they didn't have much good to say about him.

The problem was that Tonks herself wasn't sure what to think. Her faith in Remus and in his irrevocable love for her had long since evaporated. Remus had been gone for almost five days now and there had been no sign, no word, nothing.

"_I told you all along you shouldn't be with me, but you just wouldn't listen. And yes, I promised, and I would have stuck to that promise… but for your child's sake, I can't."_

She had refused, completely and absolutely refused to believe that Remus had left her although his words had been quite clear. But that's all they were: just words, spoken in anger, even in fear and everybody knew that you ended up saying things in a fight, you'd never really meant to say. But how could she ignore the fact that it had been five days… that wasn't normal, no, it wasn't _right _to just disappear for almost an entire week and leave your pregnant wife behind. Remus should have come back by now and if he didn't dare to show up at her parents' house, he could have returned to their flat, to which Tonks still returned regularly. Just to be safe. But there had been no sign of Remus either.

Five days were still only five days, but when Tonks was kneeling on the bathroom floor like this, she couldn't help feeling that Remus should have spent each and every minute of the past week, helping her deal with the more unpleasant side effects of this pregnancy. After all, he was as much responsible as she was. But that was the problem, wasn't it? Remus didn't feel ready to take responsibility for their child because he felt guilty, guilty for something of which he had no proof whatsoever.

Just as convinced as he was that their child was a werewolf, Tonks believed in the opposite. But either way, she loved this baby and nothing would change that. Of course she knew that their child would have a much easier life if it was no werewolf, but that was no reason to throw in the towel. If their child was a werewolf, after all, Tonks was determined to raise him or her, knowing that he or she wasn't any less human or less worthy of living than anybody else, but part of the wizarding community just like they all were, maybe special in certain ways, but every human being was special in its own way. And Remus of all people should have seized this chance to help his child to come to terms with who it was and not think any less of him- or herself. And perhaps this would have even helped him to change his own attitude towards himself as well.

But obviously Remus couldn't even think that far ahead because his guilt was blinding him. But how long could Tonks still allow him to use his inferiority complex as an excuse for his behaviour? She had never thought of herself as a woman who would let a man walk out on her like that. Out of her love for Remus and her understanding for his huge self doubts, a consequence of how badly he had been treated in his life, she had stayed put and waited for him to return. But no matter how much she loved him, Tonks couldn't fail to realise that it really did seem like she had been dumped by her husband because he had no interest in having a child. She certainly wouldn't be the first woman to suffer this fate.

But Tonks wasn't just any other woman and she had already survived an entire year of Remus' stubbornness because she had been sure that he loved her, after all. But did he really? If he truly loved and cared for her, how could Remus leave her like this while she was carrying his child and while He Who Must Not Be Named started his regime of terror? How could it be love if the prospect of having a child with her drove him away, if his own self doubts were more important than her needs? And even if he came back and told her it was love, could she actually believe him again?

There was a knock on the door. "Are you alright, darling?" her mother's voice asked.

Tonks sighed. "No," she whispered. "No, I'm not."

* * *

><p>"What?" Molly stared at her as if she had grown a second head. "Let me get this straight. You are pregnant, which is wonderful, but you and Remus are no longer together?"<p>

"Well, he left me… us… so yeah, we are no longer together," Tonks replied.

Molly shook her head in disbelief. "Oh, don't say that! I'm sure he hasn't really left you…"

"So, is this normal then? Did Arthur do it? Did he tell you that he couldn't be with you when you were pregnant and disappeared for over a week?"

Molly bit her lip. "Well, no. But you know Remus. You always have to tell him what's good for him."

"I tried, Molly. I told him a thousand times that he is or was the most wonderful man I've ever met. But it just wouldn't do it. And honestly, maybe he was right. Maybe I don't want a father for my child who's that self-conscious. He's an adult man. He cannot have people constantly running after him, telling him he deserves to live!"

"You're right. Remus should know better than that. But still… I mean he has such a heavy burden to carry, so much to endure… perhaps I could ask Arthur to go looking for him and to talk to him. Maybe that's something only men can understand," Molly suggested.

Tonks shook her head. "Thanks, but no. I don't need him to be _talked_ into coming back. You know, I think that's why we got together in the first place. After Dumbledore's death he was weak, the shock had gotten to him and he just couldn't stand the pressure anymore because everyone seemed to side with me and he just gave in."

Molly gasped. "No, don't say something like that! He loved you and he wanted to be with you. Dumbledore's death only helped him to realise that."

"Well, he regretted it rather quickly. There's no use arguing, Molly, he told me so. Still, I guess he would have simply lived with it, but the baby pushed him over the edge. Apparently, he couldn't stand the thought of living with the both of us…"

"Okay, now that's enough," Molly interrupted her with a firm voice. "You know this has nothing to do with you or the baby, at least not in particular. The pregnancy simply confronted Remus with his old demons, which, apparently, he still hasn't come to terms with. But that does _not_ mean that he doesn't love the both of you."

Tonks looked into Molly's kind face, but also reminded herself that this woman had raised seven children and not always under the best of circumstances either. She wanted to be just as strong, but her eyes stung with tears when she realized that she didn't feel like she could be.

"I just don't know what to do, Molly. I don't think I can do this without Remus, but then I think I should. I want him back and want to forgive him, but then I think I shouldn't… but mostly I'm just scared. What if I do everything wrong? I have never been a very responsible or thoughtful person, but suddenly I have to be because I'm not only responsible for one, but two lives…"

Molly smiled and put an arm around her. "Now, _that _my dear, is perfectly normal. But you'll see, once the baby is born, you'll know what to do and before you know it, you won't be able to even imagine a life without your children."

Tonks desperately wanted to believe her. After all, she was a mother of seven. But still, Tonks had only begun to think about the possibility of children when she had met Remus. He was her perfect other half, calm and with a natural sense of responsibility… or so she had thought.

She sighed and placed a hand on her belly. "But don't _you_ worry," she whispered. "I'll figure this out." _I have to…_

* * *

><p>"<em>I'd never have believed this. The man who taught me to fight Dementors – a coward."<em>

Harry's voice was still echoing inside his head even though by now several days had passed since he had spoken these words.

Remus sighed. He had probably never felt more ashamed of himself. He had attacked Harry; he had lost control and only because this brave, young man had told the truth. After days and days of soul-searching and self-tormenting Remus had realised that it really was true. He had acted like a coward and by doing so, had hurt those most dear to him. The horrible familiarity of this didn't exactly help either.

Remus stared at the tomb in front of him and he had never imagined that he would do it with the knowledge of not being any better than the persons buried in there. He had run away, had left his wife and unborn child because he'd thought… he'd thought… No, he hadn't really thought about it because if he had, he would have realised way earlier what a disgusting and cowardly act that was. Harry had been right. James wouldn't have approved of this, neither would have Sirius. No one could approve of his actions.

Even Remus despised himself now, despised himself more than ever and that was to say something. He had felt so guilty and instead of trying to eradicate it by doing something about it, he had tried to outrun it. And instead of facing the consequences of what he had done, he had sought to free himself of all his problems. In short, he had acted like a coward. There was no other way of putting it. But when Harry had made him see the unpleasant truth, he had lost his head and run even further.

But he could not run anymore. He was here in front of his parents' graves. It was either turning back or lying down next to them. Perhaps it had been destined this way. He had lived a life of misery and now he ended up here. He hadn't achieved much in his life or in any case, had abandoned what could have been a great achievement. But certainly he hadn't been able to get rid of those dark shadows cast upon him since childhood, had not been able to learn from the mistakes made before his very own eyes and hadn't been able to become more than he was, his parents' son.

But he wasn't dead just yet. Emotionally close to it, maybe, but as long as his heart kept beating and he continued to breathe, he would fight ending up like this. He had come very close to it, very close to making the same irreversible mistakes. But if he turned around, now that he had realised, that he had understood, there was still a chance for him.

He would need to ask, beg, crave for forgiveness. But if it was granted, there was still a last chance for him to become a better man.


	13. Forgiveness

**Chapter 13: Forgiveness**

"Thanks for coming with me, Dad."

Tonks looked around and a strange sensation got hold of her. Although this was her place, her flat where she should have been living, it seemed distant and unfamiliar to her. She had obviously become so used to the thought of living at her parents' house again that this place seemed to belong to a former chapter of her life, a rather closed one.

At first, however, Tonks had felt uncomfortable at the thought of staying at her parents' place indefinitely. But since more than a fortnight had passed, it was pretty clear now that she actually was alone, after all, and although she had lived alone before, now with You-know-who all over the place, cornering Muggle-borns and Blood-traitors she hadn't felt safe. And also, even though she was only about two months into her pregnancy, Tonks felt much more secure if someone was around to help, just in case. Her mother had been through this once and could give her some useful advice now and then. So, Tonks had decided to get more of her stuff and to take it back to her Mum's. Her Dad had offered to accompany her.

"Ah, don't mention it," he replied with a kind smile. "After all, if you ask me that cloaked man outside our house lingers there on the street without any transparent purpose far too often."

Tonks sighed. Arthur had been right with his assumption that they would all be closely observed. "As long as he only stays and watches."

"Yes, but I don't want any of those damn Death Eaters to even try to hurt my little girl or I would make them regret the day they were born."

To hear her Dad say such a thing even though he was usually one of the least violent people she knew, touched Tonks immensely and she couldn't stop herself from giving him a long hug. "Thanks, Dad," she said in a muffled voice.

He beamed at her when she let go of him, but his voice shook a little as well. "There's no need to thank me. I consider it my finest duty to protect you and your little offspring, of course. Don't you worry, Dora!"

Tonks smiled but turned away and entered her bedroom to hide the sadness in her eyes. She knew her parents did their very best to comfort her and to assure her of their support and Tonks was very grateful for that. But every time they said things like this, she couldn't help thinking that it shouldn't be her parents doing this job, but her husband.

She opened the wardrobe and intended to reach for some of her robes, but her eyes fell on some that did not belong to her. Though hating herself for it, Tonks took the robes and buried her face in them. The fabric was familiarly soft and it smelled incredibly like him. She closed her eyes and in a matter of seconds she could see his face, his eyes, his smile…

"Dora, do you want to take these photos?"

Tonks winced and put the robes hastily back into the wardrobe before re-entering the living room. Her father was pointing at her mantelpiece. There were several photographs there of herself as a little girl with her parents, but also newer ones, which showed a happy, just married couple and a close-up view of their smiling faces.

Ted obviously realised how his daughter was staring at the last one and shook his head. "Oh, I'm sorry, Dora. I'm always asking stupid questions."

With quite an effort Tonks forced herself to look away from the picture and into her father's apologetic face. "No, it's alright. I want to take them."

Her Dad nodded, but hesitated again. "Err… all of them?"

Tonks glanced at the photos again. "Yes," she said silently. "All of them."

Ted looked at her and it seemed that he wanted to say something, something that Tonks knew she wouldn't want to hear. But she didn't have to because they heard someone approach the door and suddenly tense, both of them drew their wands.

And then the door did just open and she wasn't staring at the picture anymore, but she was looking into the real face, the face she hadn't seen in weeks. She barely felt how her wand slipped from her hand and dropped to the floor. She felt rooted to the spot and unable to do anything but to stare at him. It was just so hard to understand. After all this time of worrying and wondering and finally giving up, he was just standing in the doorway all of a sudden. How could that be? How could he just be standing there? Everything inside her head seemed to go blank.

But somebody else had a pretty clear idea of what to do.

"YOU!" Her father had suddenly left her side. "You dare to show your filthy face again! I'll give you what scum like you deserves!" And his wand was slashing through the air.

Remus, who had been holding his wand loosely at his side, jumped backwards and shouted, _"Protego!"_

The shield erupted from the tip of his wand and Ted's curses simply bounced of it and back where they had come from. Tonks almost got hit by one, but some part of her brain was still quick-witted enough to make her jump aside.

There was a cry of "Dora!" from both men present.

"Don't you talk to her!" Ted shouted angrier than Tonks had ever seen him and he just threw his wand away and when Remus' shield vanished, threw himself onto him, forcing Remus to fall to the ground while Ted's fists punched every part of him they could reach.

Tonks screamed now that she saw the two men wrestling on the ground. "DAD! What are you doing? No! Stop it!"

But there was no reaction. So Tonks picked up her own wand and pointed it at the two men. With a loud bang both of them flew away from each other in different directions. Looking slightly dishevelled they got to their feet. When her father twitched as if he intended to attack Remus once more, Tonks pointed her wand at him.

"No, Dad, that's enough! Just leave!"

"What?" He stared at her. "I will not…"

"Dad, please…!" She looked him directly in the eyes and tried to explain to him that this was her business.

Finally, he sighed. "Fine, but call me and I'll be back in a sec." And he left, scowling at Remus.

When the door had closed behind him, Remus and Tonks looked at each other again. The latter lowered her wand.

"Why, thanks, Dora," Remus said finally. "I would have regretted…"

"How dare you show up like this?" Tonks interrupted him.

"Excuse me?"

"HOW DARE YOU SHOW UP LIKE THIS?" Suddenly Tonks knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to shout at him, to hurt him if possible, to make him realise what he had done to her. "HOW DARE YOU? AFTER WEEKS? YOU JUST LEFT ME, LEFT US! AND I BEGGED YOU TO COME BACK! I BEGGED YOU, YOU PATHETIC, GUTLESS, LITTLE… COWARD!" And she had moved towards him and just like her father had done, she was punching him with her fists.

"Woah, Dora, calm down! I don't want you to hurt yourself!" Remus was trying to get a hold on her hands.

Tonks thought she might explode. "Hurt myself? Why would I do that? You've done a pretty good job on that one already! Did you hear me? YOU," punch, "HURT," another punch, "ME!" And she struck again, but his time Remus seized both her wrists and held her hands steady.

"I know I hurt you and I'm sorry…"

"Oh, you're sorry." Tonks pulled her hands back and he had to let go. "Well, that settles the matter then, doesn't it?" Sarcasm spoke out of her every word.

Remus sighed. "You've got every right to be upset. But if you let me explain…"

"Explain?" Tonks folded her arms across her chest. "What is there to explain? Either you stand by the ones you are supposed to love or you don't. Obviously, you decided to do the latter. I never thought you would, but well, there you go."

"I did not decide to leave you!" Remus contradicted.

"Oh, what did you do then? Take a break?" Tonks didn't know where this sarcasm came from, but suddenly all her anger and fury consumed her; every moment in which she had missed Remus seemed forgotten.

"I… I really was a jerk and a coward. I ran away. I know I shouldn't have done it. But I can't change the past. Still, it made me realise certain things, things I never realised before!" Remus moved forwards.

But Tonks turned away. "Well, that's great for you then."

"It is." Remus hastily crossed the distance between them and seized her wrist to turn her around to him again. "I don't want to run away anymore. I want to be with you and I want to care for our child – no matter whether it is a werewolf or not."

Tonks looked at him and suddenly her anger was replaced by mere frustration. "But it's too late, Remus."

"What?" He looked at her and she thought she recognised fear and despair in his eyes. Well, then he knew how that felt, after all.

"I trusted you, Remus. I wanted you, I loved you. But you dumped me, me and the baby! And I'm not interested in your reasons for doing it because there simply are _no_ reasons that could explain or even… excuse," she was fighting against tears now, "what you did. But even if there were… it's gone, Remus… the trust… the… love… I'm not someone to be messed around with!"

Remus stared at her. "I… I didn't…"

"Yes, you did!" Tonks was pointing a shaky finger at him. "And even if you had some great epiphany, it doesn't restore the trust… you… you betrayed. I would have never believed it of you! Never! The day after you had walked out, I came here, convinced to find you waiting for me to discuss everything. But I didn't find you. You had left to do who knows what. And if you left to speak with Dumbledore's ghost or whatever, I could… _not_… trust you again!"

She couldn't stand the pleading look in his eyes and she couldn't restrain her tears any longer, which was why she turned away from him again. "I think you should better go now," she whispered before the lump in her throat would make it impossible for her to speak.

Tonks had half expected him to refuse or to try to turn her around again, but he did neither. Instead she heard his silent footsteps departing and when the front door had closed again, Tonks broke down crying.

In these last moments memories had returned to her despite her anger and frustration, memories of how much she missed him and how much she yearned for him to be with her during her pregnancy, during birth, during all those years of raising their child. And here he had been, telling her he wanted to be with her for all those things. But she had been afraid of more hurt and more pain and perhaps it had even been her wounded pride that had made her turn him down and now part of her regretted that already.

But could she really trust him again?

* * *

><p>Remus was standing in total silence. The room was still dark although morning was already dawning outside. He knew it was only a matter of time until she would wake up because she'd need to visit the bathroom and he had decided to seize that moment. It was his last chance, his last hope to get her back and that he would do anything to be with her again, had become very clear to him when she had asked him to leave a few hours ago. Her words had pierced his heart like sharp needles one after the other. And the worst about it was that she had every right to say these things.<p>

He had hurt her and he hated himself for it.

This was his last shot. What he would do if she turned him down again, he did not know. Everything Remus knew right now was that he was waiting in the doorway of their bedroom, watching Dora in her sleep.

Finally, she stirred and Remus hid in the shadows of the dark room, allowing her to pass him on her way to the bathroom. Then he crossed the bedroom to open the curtains and a soft light fell into the room. He didn't have to wait long until Dora left the bathroom again, stopped, dazzled by the sudden light, and then, realising that someone else was in the room with her, jumped backwards in shock.

Remus hurried forwards. "It's alright, Dora. It's me. Please don't say anything. Just come with me."

He knew she did only as he asked of her because she was too shocked and surprised to resist, but well, he had counted on that. Hastily, he helped her put on her dressing gown and then pulled her with him out of the front door where he Disapparated on the spot. He thought he heard Dora yelp, but they had already left firm ground.

Next, they appeared in a totally deserted graveyard. Well, the sun was only just about to rise over the horizon.

Dora freed herself from his grip. "What in the name of Merlin are you doing? Where on earth are we?"

"We are in a graveyard," Remus replied.

Dora snorted. "Yeah, I can see that. And I assume you've got an appointment here with someone?" She spoke with the same sarcasm in her voice that hurt him so much.

But he remained calm. "I guess you could say so, yes."

"Really? And who would that be?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"My parents."

For a moment there Dora looked stunned as he had expected, as he had hoped. This was the only plan he had. "This way," he said and she followed him on her own account although she looked sceptical. Remus knew she could Disapparate any second, which was why he was so tense and glanced at her again and again while leading the way.

Finally, they stopped in front of his parents' tombs and Remus watched while Dora looked at the gravestones in surprise. He could tell that she was intrigued because he had only once mentioned his father to her. But she was also irritated and reluctant to stay after the decision she had made a few hours ago.

"Why have you brought me here?" she asked eventually.

"Because when I was away," Dora stiffened, "it was here where I realised what I had done and how I needed to continue," Remus replied.

"I still don't understand," Dora said, refusing to look at him.

"To your right lies my mother or let's say the woman who gave birth to me." Now Dora did look at him in surprise, but Remus focused on the grave. "You asked me once how I had become a werewolf and I told you. What I didn't tell you at that time is that my mother – for lack of a better word – left a few months later. She couldn't face me anymore. She couldn't bear the thought that her once so sweet and innocent eight-year-old son was now turning into a monster at every full moon. She had no idea how to cope with that or how to tell relatives, friends, the entire community. She simply couldn't live with a werewolf. So she left me and my father without much notice."

Dora's jaw dropped. But Remus still didn't look at her, but focused on the other gravestone now. "My father meanwhile was absolutely shocked by his wife's departure. He hadn't seen it coming. It caught him totally off guard and he was way in over his head when he faced the need to explain it to his eight-year-old son, who had already more than enough to cope with. I've already told you that he had offended Greyback, which was why he felt immensely guilty towards me.

He felt that it was his fault entirely – that I was a werewolf and that my mother had left us. His guilt was so great that he never again behaved like he the man he had once been. He barely talked to people and his guilt and self-loathing prevented him from connecting with anyone – even me. That I was permitted to attend Hogwarts didn't change anything either. He was still oppressed by his guilt until finally, in my seventh year at Hogwarts, it killed him."

Now there were unshed tears in Dora's eyes. "If your Mum left you, why is she still buried next to your father?" she asked silently.

"She expressed that wish in her last will. Maybe it was remorse, I don't know. When I was a teenager and finally able to understand what she had done, leaving her family like this, I hated her for it. And that's not a nice feeling – hating your own mother. But I never wanted to see her again. And my father, well, I loved him, but as I said, it wasn't much of a pleasure to be around him, especially since I couldn't help noticing that my presence made him feel even worse. I actually envied Sirius when he ran away to live with the Potters. Well, a year later my father died and the only thing I had left was my determination never to become and… end like my parents."

Dora looked at him, her expression soft but tense. "Remus, I appreciate that you finally decided to be honest with me and tell me about your past, but... I don't know how this is supposed to… change anything."

Now Remus did look at her as well. The sun was rising behind them and bathed them in red and golden light. "Well, when I finally ended up here after what had happened, I realised that although I had never wanted it, I had become exactly like my parents. I had allowed my guilt, my bad conscience and my self-loathing to control me and like my father had done, I'd walked around, pitying myself and pushing away those who I loved the most. And then, when I was told that I'd become a father myself, a father of a werewolf, or at least possibly, my guilt got the better of me as well and I ran away just like my mother had done.

But I only realised what I had done when I looked upon her grave. I realised how stupid I had been. How I had let those feelings of being worthless and a cause of constant pain for others, placed inside me since childhood, control me. I realised that only by doing what my mother had done, I would force my child to live the life I'd had. But that if I remembered to be better than my parents and if I stayed with my child, it would never know how it feels not to be loved, not to be wanted and to be a constant outsider instead. Of course I cannot change the way others will treat my child, but if I stay with you both, I can change the way our child will feel about that.

I hope now you understand why I want to come back and I hope you believe me that I will love our child the way it deserves to be loved. But I know that's not enough. Our child, after all, will never know about any of this. You are the one I hurt by walking out on you and actually with my behaviour before that as well, telling you I should have never married you. It was… the guilt that had killed my father and that was about to kill me, all over again.

Still, you were right. There's no excuse for walking out on you. I don't deserve you, I actually never have, and I probably don't deserve your forgiveness either. But if you could at least believe me that I realised what a terribly damaged man I was, but that I always have and always will and still love you, if you could believe in that enough to grant us, to grant me, a second chance, a new beginning, then maybe – one day – you could also trust me again."

Remus had never in his entire life been that honest and open with anyone, had shared his innermost feelings and thoughts, but he had also never been that desperate to be understood. If Dora could only understand and believe that he had come to his senses, that he had realised that he hadn't been a whole, but a torn man, but that he was determined to leave these shadows where they belonged – in his past – and to be there for her, whole and for always.

But how could she understand? He felt that he hadn't done a good enough job explaining the pain inside him whenever she wasn't there and suddenly Remus felt tears welling up in his eyes and next they were already running down his cheeks. Not just a single one or two, but many, so many tears that he wasn't sure when had been the last time he had actually cried like this – it probably dated back to James and Lilly's death and what he had thought of as Sirius' betrayal.

But suddenly Remus felt a soft touch, Dora's hands on his cheeks and then her lips on his own. A long missed sensation ran through his body and he put his arms around Dora, pulling her close to him as if that could prevent her from ever parting with him again and he kissed her back as if his life depended on it.

When their lips let go of each other again, his tears had dried and he could see properly again. And Remus saw that there were tears in Dora's eyes as well, but that she was smiling.

"I believe you," she whispered. "I'm so incredibly sorry for what you had to endure during your childhood and I only wish you had told me sooner. I understand why you came to believe that no one could possibly love you, but I do and I have told you a thousand times! I always wanted you, Remus, and I always loved you and I want us to raise our child together. But this is not about me anymore, it's not even about us, it's about the baby. And I just have to be sure… I have to know whether you're really absolutely sure that you can handle it if it really should be a werewolf."

Dora looked at him questioningly and she was so amazingly beautiful in the golden light of the rising sun that Remus had no idea how he could have ever walked out on her. "Yes," he replied firmly and without hesitation. "Yes, I am sure. It's like you said. It's not about me, it's about the baby. I'll simply not allow for our child to feel like it's a monster. If our little boy or girl really is a werewolf, I am now all the more determined to make sure that he or she will have a better life."

"Not just a better life, the best," Dora corrected and for the first time smiled tentatively at him.

Remus took her hands in his. "Of course, the best. With you as a Mum, how else could it be?"

To his relief, Dora didn't pull away, but she dropped her gaze for a moment. "I'm not so sure about that myself, actually. I'm not sure I have what it takes to be a mother, which is why you have to come back, really. I need you, Remus."

He hadn't dared to hope that she would ever look at him like that again and it filled him with warmth that had nothing to do with the freshly risen sun. "I'll be there… if you want me to."

Apparently Dora heard the surprise and insecurity in his voice because she said, "I admit at times I wanted to become a werewolf myself for the sole purpose of tearing you apart, but all that anger was just a feeble attempt at protecting my pride and concealing the fact that the prospect of living without you destroyed my heart and scared the hell out of me. As much as I want to hate you… I can't. I just love you too much for that and what's more… _we_ need you." She placed a hand on her not yet swollen belly. "Plus, now that you feel guilty about having screwed up once, I can at least rest assured that you won't stop loving me once I'll grow all big and fat and ugly."

For the first time Remus laughed again and he dared to kiss her and pull her into his arms. "You won't be big and fat and you could never be ugly. Everybody will simply be able to see that you're carrying our child and you will look absolutely gorgeous, even more so than you always do."

Dora really smiled now as well and rested her head on his shoulder. Remus tightened his arms around her and with a last glance at his parents' graves and a grim smile at the thought that they had done him a favour after all, Remus Disapparated with his wife and child.


	14. Growing bigger

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry… I had end-of-term exams and ah well, at least this chapter is a long one ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14: Growing bigger<strong>

When she woke up this morning, Tonks sat up and was overwhelmed by… not nausea for a change but pure happiness. It seemed that she was finally past the awful morning sickness stage of her pregnancy and if you were four months pregnant that was a piece of heaven in itself. Smiling to herself, Tonks placed a hand on her belly, which was finally beginning to show and although she probably should be scared or at least a little worried about getting bigger and bigger with each passing month, right now she simply loved it. Upon that not so distant day when her robes wouldn't fit her anymore, she might change her mind, but until then Tonks was determined to enjoy and marvel at the growth of her little boy or girl inside of her.

Finally, Tonks got out of bed and when she entered the kitchen, the constant smile of her lips broadened. Remus had made them breakfast and greeted her with a smile of his own.

"Ah, Dora, I didn't wake you now, did I?" he asked because he was always so worried that she might not get enough sleep.

"No, we're just hungry, but otherwise perfectly fine," Tonks reassured him before giving him a good morning kiss and sitting down at the table.

Remus on the other hand jumped to his feet. "Good, I already made you some tea. No, you still can't have coffee. But I made everything else you like or let's say the baby likes. We've got porridge mixed with strawberries, salmon in raspberry jam and bacon & eggs with chocolate sauce." He pointed at each of the dishes, trying very hard not to look too disgusted at the thought of eating any of it.

Approximately four months ago Tonks wouldn't have dreamed of eating any of this either, but right now it seemed like the perfect breakfast to her. And she also thought that it was incredibly sweet of Remus to prepare this for her, even though not being the one who was controlled by pregnancy hormones, he would have to think it crazy to serve salmon in any kind of jam.

But Remus had been incredibly sweet and caring ever since he had returned and this wasn't only an attempt to make up for leaving her, but he really did seem different somehow as if he had actually, after all these years, seen something in himself that everyone else had seen all along and had begged him to accept. He would of course never entirely come to terms with the fact that he was a werewolf, but he hadn't said anything about feeling guilty for possible side effects on his wife or child and instead had reassured her of his confidence that they would handle whatever lay ahead of them as a family.

This remarkable change was one of the most prominent reasons for Tonks' current happiness. But now that she looked at the length Remus had gone to in making her breakfast, she felt that she paid him back rather poorly. While he asked her at least three times a day whether he could do anything for her, she usually slept late, ordered strange food and foot rubs, only to then go back to bed early. Despite her happiness Tonks suddenly felt tears running down her cheeks.

Remus looked at her both alarmed and exhausted at the same time. "Dora, what's wrong? Is there something else you need?" he asked while reaching for her hand.

Tonks shook her head. "No… that's it… you're doing everything for me… and I… I'm not doing… anything, at all."

"Not doing anything?" Remus repeated and laughed. "You are carrying our child. What else could I ask of you?" He smiled and kissed her gently. "Come on now, stop crying."

"I… can't," Tonks sobbed.

"Why not?" Remus asked, looking confused.

"Because they won't stop," Tonks replied, feeling just as helpless.

"Well, think of something happy as if… as if you wanted to cast your Patronus," Remus suggested.

"But I _am_ happy," Tonks replied. "I could cast the best Patronus ever."

"Why are you crying then?"

"I don't know."

Remus sighed and sat down. "I tell you what. These pregnancies are really a mystery to me."

"Well, that would make two of us then because I don't understand it either. You know, I think it's good that we'll see Molly today. I'll just ask her about it. She ought to know." Satisfied with that idea, Tonks started eating and eventually the tears stopped.

Remus frowned. At first Tonks thought it was just because of the strange food, but then he said, "Actually, I'm not so sure whether you should go and see her."

"What are you talking about?" Tonks looked up. "The Order's got a meeting today – at the Burrow."

"I know that. But I'm not sure if _you_ should go," Remus explained.

"But I want to go. I want to know what's going on. I'm already feeling kind of isolated." Tonks had spent most of her time here in their apartment.

"Yes, but I could tell you afterwards. I mean, we don't know what's going to happen at the meeting. You could get upset and you're not exactly… stable right now. And you would have to travel, too…"

"I will go, Remus. Just because I'm carrying a child, I won't have you treat me like one. I'm a pregnant woman, not an invalid. I can go wherever I want and whenever I want because I hate to be imprisoned for whatever reasons. And that's my final say on this." Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Dora hurried to add: "Plus, I want to visit Mum and Dad afterwards. I've been promising them for weeks to stop by."

Now Remus really slumped in his chair. "Did you tell them I'd be coming with you?"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous about this again," Tonks sighed.

"I'm not being ridiculous. Your father was trying to kill me. And I'm not saying that he didn't have the right to do so at that time, but still…"

"He did not try to kill you," Tonks interjected. "He was just angry. But you know that I talked to them and explained to them that you've changed and that you've finally come to terms with what prevented you from being the extraordinary man that you are." Although Tonks wasn't quite sure whether her parents had actually understood what the hell she was talking about, they had still been forced to accept that their daughter was living with her husband again and so eventually had abandoned their plans of exacting revenge on Remus. "They'll be happy to see you."

Remus didn't look convinced, but probably decided not to argue with his pregnant wife. "Fine."

About an hour later they were ready to leave, but that wasn't as easy as it used to be.

"Do we have to do this strange three times Disapparating thing?" Tonks asked, thinking of her stomach, which was full of salmon, porridge, chocolate and strawberries, and had only recently stopped troubling her.

"I asked you to stay here. But you insisted on going," Remus reminded her. "You can still change your mind, though."

Tonks sighed and shook her head. "No, I'll just hang on to you."

And she grabbed Remus' arm rather firmly because as soon as they had left their apartment, he turned on the spot to Disapparate to the Leaky Cauldron. However, Tonks' feet had barely touched the ground when they were off again to appear in a village, mostly populated by wizards and witches. Again, Tonks hadn't recognized any of the witches and wizards passing by before Remus' arm twisted again and they Apparated into one of the caves above Hogsmeade. Tonks thought she felt a cold breeze caress her cheeks, but then she was dragged away again and finally entered the garden of the Burrow. She was quickly pulled inside the kitchen where she finally was allowed to stop.

Everything spun around her and her stomach felt queasy. "Oh no, I think I'm going to be sick," Tonks moaned, dropping into a chair.

Remus looked alarmed and hurried to fetch her a glass of water.

"Thanks," Tonks muttered weakly when the kitchen door opened and Molly entered.

"Remus, Tonks, oh, I'm so happy to see you! You are a bit late and we started to worry… But, Tonks, dear, are you feeling alright? You look a bit pale."

"I'm okay. I'm just feeling a little dizzy thanks to our new way of travelling," Tonks explained.

"I told you. We need to make sure that we're not bringing any Death Eaters," Remus replied.

Tonks only moaned.

"Well, come on then, into the living room," Molly smiled and ushered them inside.

They greeted everyone and Tonks dropped into a chair while Remus remained standing next to her. "Wait, isn't Kingsley missing?" Tonks suddenly noticed.

Molly looked troubled. "Yes, he's late, too."

"Late? But he's never late," Tonks said, feeling anxious. "What if…?"

"He'll be fine," Remus interjected at once.

"Yes, it's Kingsley we're talking about," Bill agreed. "Who'd be able to get to him?"

"But we thought the same thing about Mad-Eye and now he's…" Tonks couldn't finish her sentence due to a huge lump in her throat and she felt the tears glistening in her eyes again as well.

"Seriously, Remus, look at her, all upset. Why did you bring her along?" she heard Molly whisper.

"Why did I…? You try and stop her next time!" Remus replied, exasperated.

"Hey, I'm pregnant, not deaf!" Tonks complained and although it hadn't been her intention, she made the others laugh.

Remus put an arm around her. "Of course, I'm sorry, dear. But I'm absolutely sure that Kingsley is alright."

Just when he had finished his sentence, the silver lynx that everybody knew to be his Patronus, appeared in their midst. But Kingsley's voice sounded harassed. "Don't say HIS name! It's taboo. They can track us that way. Nearly got me. I'm on the run. Be in touch." And the Patronus vanished again.

Tonks could barely stifle her scream of terror, but she wasn't alone this time. Molly looked terrified as well and the others exchanged worried looks. There was an uncomfortable silence for a while.

It was Arthur who spoke first. "We all agreed that we trust Kingsley. He'll shake them off and be in touch – just as he said."

Everyone nodded, but still Tonks couldn't help feeling that they continued to lose more and more people. They started their meeting and everything they had to report were Muggle-Borns being rounded up if they weren't so quick-witted to leave the country, Muggles getting killed frequently and Vol- no You-know-who spreading his violence to every part of the country, having giants, Dementors and lots of other horrible creatures on his side again. He held even greater power now than he had the last time. But with Dumbledore gone that wasn't much of a surprise. There was no information on Harry but many, Remus among them, expressed their confidence that he was alright and that they'd know the minute they'd find him, anyway.

Still, when the meeting was over and some members left while others stayed for lunch, Tonks sat in the kitchen feeling horrible. After a while Remus joined her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, taking her hand.

Tonks sighed. "It's just… It doesn't seem to make sense to bring a child into a world like this. What kind of a life will it be able to have, after all?"

"We must not think like that," Remus replied. "We're sitting right here right now because we still have hope that we'll get rid of Vol- You-know-who just like last time. I know Harry has a plan and I know he'll succeed. Maybe it'll take a while. But until then we have to continue to fight, well you not so much, but keep our hopes up, in any case."

Tonks looked at him and despite the tears her eyes were leaking (again), she smiled. "I'm really lucky to have you with me."

"Not as much as I am," Remus replied and they leaned in to kiss.

They only broke apart when they heard someone sigh happily. It was Molly. "I knew you couldn't be broken up for good. You two are just perfect for each other."

Tonks looked from Molly to Remus and beamed.

After lunch they left the Burrow to head over to her parents' house. Remus still looked anything but thrilled and followed her only reluctantly towards the front door. Tonks once again assured him that her parents would be if not friendly then at least civil, but when she knocked on the door, no one opened.

The relief was painfully obvious on Remus' face. "Oh, well, they're not home. Guess, we'll just go then…"

But Tonks didn't move. "No, they knew we were coming to visit one of these days. They must be home." And she tapped the door with her wand and stepped inside, ignoring Remus' moan when he followed her. But when they entered the living room, there was no one there either. A few seconds later, however, the door to the kitchen was pushed open and her mother hurried towards them.

"Oh, Dora, Remus, what are you doing here?" she asked, looking slightly harassed.

"I told you I would drop by…" Tonks began, but then her father came rumbling down the stairs, carrying a huge bag.

"Oh, Dora, Remus, what are you doing here?" he asked, slightly out of breath.

Tonks folded her arms across her slightly rounded belly. "Alright, what's going on here?"

Her father sighed. "I'm leaving."

"WHAT?" Tonks stared at him, confused and unable to understand what he was saying.

Next to her, Remus stirred. "Wait a second, you tried to curse my head off for trying to leave Dora and now you're leaving as well?"

"No, I'm not leaving for a bunch of strange, probably made up reasons that were simply supposed to hide the fact that you were scared out of your wits, young lad. I'm leaving because I'm Muggle-Born and I'm not about to wait for the Death Eaters to make another house call and hurt my wife or my daughter and even my grandson or –daughter in the process," Ted explained.

Dora's eyes widened in shock. "Do you think they'll come for you?"

Her father shrugged. "I refused to register as a Muggle-Born, but I think they'll work that one out. At the very least, Andromeda's family knows… And they were in the area lately…"

"But… but…" Dora struggled to find words while her eyes were burning with tears again, but she stubbornly held them back this time. "What are you going to do?"

"Go into hiding for now. I'm not the only one. Maybe I'll meet a few others. It's hard to say what's best to do on the long run."

"But… Mum…" Tonks looked at her, feeling desperate at the thought of her Dad having to run and hide like a criminal.

"I'll be fine. I'm a pure-blood, after all. I'm better off than any of you," she said although her voice was not as firm as usual.

"Well, there's not much time for goodbyes." Her father put down his bag and looked at Tonks. "I'm sorry that I have to leave you like this and that I can't promise you to be there when your little one is born. But don't you worry. I'll be back. I want to get to know my grandson or granddaughter, of course. You just… keep on going… and remember that I love you." He hugged her.

Now Tonks couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "I love you, too, Daddy," she whispered and it was incredible hard to let go.

But her father stepped away and looked at Remus. "Well, we had our differences, but you are here now and I guess that's what counts in the end. So, protect Dora for me, will you?" He extended a hand.

Remus took it, obviously relieved. "With my life, if necessary."

Ted nodded and turned around to say goodbye to his wife. But Dora was sobbing too much and Remus pulled her into his arms and then the front door was closed and her father was already gone.

It took Tonks a long time to calm down again with the help of Remus and her mother. But as soon as she was feeling a bit better, her Mum said, "You should be going now, too. I don't want you to be here when the Death Eaters call."

"But, Mum, what if…? You married a Muggle-Born after all…" Tonks couldn't finish her sentence, but in her head she saw images too horrible to even think.

But Andromeda shook her head. "If they punished the pure-bloods, too, for having been in contact with Muggle-Borns, there wouldn't be a wizarding community left for them to rule."

And with that she ushered them out of the house.

When they were back home, Tonks felt absolutely dreadful. "What if they find Dad?" she asked for the umpteenth time.

"They won't," Remus replied again and again. "He's a clever man, after all."

They were sitting on the couch and Tonks felt the entire seriousness and danger of their current situation crushing down on her. "Remus, I'm scared," she told him honestly.

He looked at her. "I know. But I promised your father to protect you or die trying – not that it will come to that," he added hastily. "Our child will be born and it will be perfectly safe." He pulled her into his arms and feeling safe – at least for the moment – and very comfortable, Tonks closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep in her husband's arms.

* * *

><p>Something cold and wet was running down his neck when thick snowflakes began to fall. Remus hurried to open the door and get into the living room. At once, comfortable warmth from the crackling fire welcomed him inside. Remus got rid of his travelling cloak and smiled at the sight that greeted him. A half decorated Christmas tree stood next to the fireplace and Dora was dancing around it to the tune of 'Harold, the red-nosed Hippogriff'. She was wearing a rather festive dress as well, which was red, presented her nice, round belly and had images of Hippogriffs wearing Christmas caps printed all over it. Her hair was extremely long and sparkled in bright gold with something that looked like Mistletoe in it.<p>

Dora turned around now and smiled at him. "Ah, Remus, what do you think?"

He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt her round belly press against him and realised that his arms might be too short to enclose her in just about a few weeks. Now already six months pregnant Dora seemed to visibly grow bigger with each passing day. That made Remus smile even more. "I think you look absolutely adorable."

Dora looked at him, mildly surprised. "Oh, I was talking about the tree, but thanks." She smiled and shook her long, golden hair. "I thought it looked rather festive this way." Remus expressed his agreement by kissing her. "But how do you like the tree?" Dora insisted once their kiss had come to a natural close.

Remus looked at their Christmas tree more closely. The already decorated half was full with Christmas baubles, which changed their colour every few minutes, and lots of silver and golden tinsel.

"It looks great," he said. "Shall I help you with the other half?" Dora nodded and Remus let more Christmas baubles appear out of the tip of his wand. "By the way, Molly extends her invitation. She'd be happy to welcome us at the Burrow for Christmas Day tomorrow."

Dora stopped taking his baubles to attach them to the tree (dropping several along the way and making them shatter on the floor) and looked at him. "What about our own invitation? Did you visit Mum?"

"Yes, Andromeda says thanks, but she thinks we should enjoy our first Christmas together – just the two of us or rather just the three of us – and she'll stay at home," Remus replied.

Dora frowned. "But she will be all alone!"

"She says, she's going to meet some friends and you shouldn't worry about her." Remus was actually relieved about Andromeda's decision although he had honestly invited her to come and join them. After all, he, too, felt sympathy for the woman who was alone since her husband's departure and ever since that day, they had also gotten along rather well. They had silently agreed that it was best this way for Dora. Still, he looked forward to spending Christmas with Dora but without her mother's eyes on him all the time.

Dora was silent for a while, but then she said, "You know, I think we should do that."

"We should do what?" Remus asked.

"Spend this Christmas together – just the three of us. Molly will be disappointed, but she'll understand, I'm sure."

Remus nodded. "That's fine with me. All I need is you two."

Dora beamed at him and continued to decorate the tree. But after a few minutes another bauble smashed on the floor.

Remus smiled while he waved his wand to clean up the mess. "You know it's a good thing that we can conjure these things or we might have run out of Christmas baubles by now."

Bud Dora didn't react to his joke. Her eyes were wide open and she had placed both hands protectively on her belly. Remus frowned. "Dora? Dora, is something wrong?" He moved closer.

Dora slowly turned her head to look at him. "I think… I think it kicked me."

"It kicked you?" Remus repeated, now looking at her belly as if he could see inside it.

"Well, it definitely _moved_. It…" Dora winced. "There, again! Oh, Remus, that's… I can feel our baby moving!" Remus smiled because even though Dora's eyes were still wide open in surprise, she was also radiating happiness. "Come on, give me your hand!" He did as he was told and Dora placed his hand on her belly. Remus waited (he even felt his heartbeat quicken slightly) and then he really did feel something move against his hand. A tingling sensation ran through his body and a sudden impulse made Remus bent down to put his ear to Dora's belly. And then he heard it – a heartbeat that couldn't be Dora's. Awestruck Remus got up again and stared at Dora, who beamed right back at him.

"That's…" But he trailed off again. He did not know what to say. It seemed like a miracle to him.

"I know," Dora said nevertheless. "It's like the first living proof that we are actually going to be parents. And I think I remember having read somewhere that the baby can respond to sound and melodies now."

"You mean it can hear us talking?" Remus asked.

"I think so," Dora nodded.

Remus looked sheepish. "Can it also hear if I kiss you?"

"If it hasn't inherited an unnaturally superb hearing from your side, I doubt that." Dora smiled and willingly leaned in to kiss Remus.

After they had finished decorating their Christmas tree and had enjoyed their own little Christmas Eve dinner, they settled down in front of the warm fire, Remus holding a glass of wine and Dora one filled with pumpkin-juice.

"You know, I think we should decide whether it is a he or a she," Dora suddenly said.

Remus looked at her. "I think that decision was made about six months ago."

"Yes, but we won't know until at least another three, rather four months. But I don't want to say 'it' anymore. It seems so impersonal now that I actually felt… yeah, him or her." Dora turned to fully look at him expectantly. "So, what do you want? A boy or a girl?"

Remus frowned. "I just want our baby to be healthy."

"Yes, but, come on! You've got to have an opinion on this," Dora prompted him.

"Alright," Remus sighed, "then I'll wish for a beautiful, happy, little girl just like her mother."

"A mini-me?" Dora grimaced. "No, I think we'll take the boy. I'm sure you were really cute when you were little. Not that you are not cute anymore, but, you know, in an adult kind of way."

Remus laughed. "Why can you have a mini-me, but I can't have a mini-you?"

"Because," Dora placed a hand on her belly, "there's only enough room for one of the two."

"Are you sure about that?" Remus asked, smiling at her.

"We are not having twins!" Dora's eyes widened. "No, definitely not."

Remus chuckled.

"And you don't _really_ want to have a mini-me," Dora continued. "I was awfully annoying when I was little, never listened to a word my parents said and tripped over my own feet all the time."

Remus smiled broadly at that thought. "But you know that even if we are going to have a boy who looks like me, he could still behave like you did."

"Oh, right, I didn't consider that." Dora looked down at her belly. "Are you listening? Don't become like me!"

Remus leaned over. "Don't listen to your mother," he contradicted.

"Hey," Dora nudged him softly in the side. "Are you already undermining my rules when it comes to raising our… son?" Her eyes twinkled.

"Only because I think you are mistaken," Remus replied cheerfully.

"Oh, you wait until you have to watch him and he's not listening to a word you're saying. Then you'll regret that he inherited my genes."

Remus just smiled. "So, we decided on a boy now?"

"Yap," Dora nodded. "I've just got a feeling."

"And if it turns out to be a girl, after all?" Remus asked.

Dora shrugged. "Well, I didn't say we couldn't have a back-up name."

"We haven't got any name so far," Remus reminded her.

"Yes, well, we still have time, don't we?" Dora smiled. "But I'm really looking forward to having the baby."

"I know, but I still hope it… I mean _he_ will look like you," Remus said, his face moving closer to hers.

Dora leaned back a little, a funny smile on her lips. "You don't even know how I looked like when I was little. Huh_, I_ don't even know what I looked like."

They both laughed and when Remus wrapped his arms around her, he was very glad that they had decided to spend Christmas as the little family they were soon going to be.

* * *

><p>This definitely had to be a bad joke. Nature couldn't actually have turned something that was supposed to be absolutely wonderful into something absolutely horrible. Tonks sighed when she realized that her thoughts were going in circles and that all her whining wouldn't do her any good. She was nine months pregnant now and although that sounded as if her baby would be born any other day now, week after week passed and Molly had told her that it could take until the end of the tenth month. Tonks had no idea how she was supposed to survive that.<p>

Her belly was so big now that it was constantly getting in her way. Most of the time she seemed to move in slow motion anyway and after a few metres she had to sit down again because her legs or feet hurt too much. Her baby on the other hand seemed much more active than she herself was. She constantly felt him (she was still hoping for a boy) moving inside her, preferably at night.

Her nights had turned into constant nightmares. Tonks was barely able to sleep although she needed it more than ever. But there just didn't seem any comfortable position left in which she could actually fall asleep. So she was rolling back and forth (making sure Remus wouldn't get any sleep either) and if by any chance she found a position she could stay in, her baby was sure to be wide awake and throw a party or something, effectively keeping her awake as well. And if exhaustion eventually took his tall and she did fall asleep, she would surely have one of her nightmares.

They were all pretty much the same: She was in labour, but Remus was nowhere to be seen. Instead, You-know-who came bursting into the room, carrying her father's dead body, and then he waited until her child was born only to kill it. In another version there was no You-know-who, but her child was born dead in the first place. No matter which nightmare it was, Tonks always woke up with a start and tears in her eyes and felt unwilling to ever go back to sleep.

She felt like that right now.

Everything was dark around her when Tonks sat up and she had no idea what time it was. But she didn't care. She was sobbing silently, but apparently not silently enough because next to her Remus stirred.

Immediately, she felt his hands on her shoulders. "Another nightmare again?"

Tonks felt stupid admitting it, but there was hardly a way around it. So she nodded.

"Everything will be fine," Remus said. Well, what else was he supposed to say? But she appreciated it nevertheless.

"I know," Tonks said, her voice still shaking. "But it's still scary. You'll be there, right?"

Remus wrapped his arms around her (above her big belly) and she leaned back against him. "Of course I will and I will protect you and the baby from any harm," he told her for the hundredth time.

"But what if I go into labour during the full moon?" Tonks asked. She was really afraid of that, perhaps even more than of giving birth itself. There would be no way for Remus to be with her in that case and she'd have to do it all on her own.

There was a short silence. "It won't come to that," Remus then simply said.

"And are you sure Dad's…"

"I'm sure he's fine," Remus replied before she had even concluded her question. They had been over this a million times, but Remus showed admirable patience. Well, he was not the one who was supposed to push something pretty big through a hole that was pretty small.

"But we haven't heard a word from him for months…"

"Exactly, which means they haven't found him either," Remus said and once again Tonks hoped he was right.

They were silent for a while until Tonks whispered, "I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I want the baby to just… come out."

"I know, but it'll only be a few more weeks, tops."

A few more weeks… well, easy for him to say.

Still, Tonks managed to go back to sleep somehow as she always did. It was quite weird actually. She had these huge difficulties with falling asleep, but still it seemed to be the only thing she was doing all day because she was incapable of doing anything else. She wasn't leaving the house either and was extremely grateful when her Mum or Molly dropped by. But they couldn't visit her as often as she would have liked. It was simply too dangerous and Tonks didn't want them to get into trouble, of course.

Still, when Tonks woke up the next morning, she thought she heard voices and the closing of the front door. But when she entered the living room, no one except Remus was there and he didn't report any visitors.

The day passed as all the others had done recently. Tonks rested on the couch with her feet up, read about labour and birth, while Remus frequently brought her something to drink or eat or just another pillow. He seemed a bit lost in thoughts today, but Tonks knew that he was nervous about the actual giving birth part as well, even though he wasn't the one who actually had to do it. At least, it kept raining outside so that Tonks didn't feel exactly sorry about being unable to take a walk. March seemed extremely dull this year. But when darkness fell, Remus intended to leave for another broadcasting of _Potterwatch_ and Tonks got slightly nervous. Although she knew that she was probably still weeks away from giving birth, she felt safer when he was around – just in case.

"It won't take long," Remus promised her. "You'll just go to bed and won't even notice how much time passes."

"I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep. Your being gone certainly won't help," Tonks replied.

"You should still at least try. You and the baby need your sleep," Remus said and ushered her into the bedroom. Tonks thought that he was a bit too eager to get her into bed, but maybe he felt bad about leaving her alone. He kissed her goodbye and left.

At first, Tonks really tried to fall asleep because Remus had been right, after all, that this way she wouldn't notice how long it took him to get back. But after lying wide awake for a while, she realised that there simply was no sense and slowly got out of bed again. In the living room she grabbed her wand and the radio and searched for the right frequency. Soon enough she heard Lee Jordan's voice welcoming everyone to another _Potterwatch_.

Tonks doubted that there would be any news for her. After all, _Potterwatch_ was only broadcasting information the Order already had and although she hadn't attended the last meeting, Remus had told her everything. But at least listening to the radio would give her something to do and listening to Remus' voice especially made her almost feel as if he was here with her. First, however, Lee announced that they'd report those deaths that weren't mentioned by those newspapers and radio stations that followed You-know-who's rule. Tonks sighed. Deaths… there seemed to be nothing but death all around.

"_It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell."_

Tonks gasped. What had he just said?

…_inform of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell… the murders of Ted Tonks…_

She was shaking now. It couldn't be. It just couldn't… Surely, she had misunderstood, had misheard… Tonks stared at the radio in front of her.

"… _invite you now to join us in a minute's silence in memory of Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell, …"_

NO! What was going on? This couldn't be more than a much more realistic and cruel version of her nightmares! It was simply not possible! How could her Dad have been killed without her knowing about it? Surely, she would have been among the first to be notified…

And suddenly Tonks understood. There _had_ been voices this morning. Someone, probably a member of the Order or perhaps even her own mother, had come over to tell them the terrible news. But whoever the visitor had been, they hadn't stayed and Remus had decided not to tell her – not to tell her about the death of her own father! Now of course she also understood why Remus had been so eager to get her into bed and to make sure that she wouldn't be listening to the radio…

But why? Why? How could he keep something like this from her? She didn't understand. But it didn't really matter, nothing mattered if it turned out to be the truth… Her father… dead… murdered…

The very thing she had been afraid of for weeks, but still she hadn't been prepared for the impact of the news that it had actually happened. Tears had begun streaming down her cheeks without her evening noticing much; her entire body was trembling and she had trouble breathing while the radio lay totally forgotten.

All these pictures were suddenly appearing in front of her mind's eye, all these happy memories…

Many girls had a closer relationship to their mothers and Tonks did love her Mum with all her heart, but when she had been younger, they had been too much alike, both too stubborn and too hot-tempered, and had gotten into regular fights. Her Dad, however, had always been there for her, full of kindness and love and he had rarely ever gotten angry with her, but had always given her good advice. She'd felt that she could always come to him with her problems ever since she had been a little girl. But now he was… gone. For the first time in her life she couldn't turn to him for help and comfort. Well, they hadn't actually been in contact these past months, but at least he had been out there somewhere. Not anymore…

But how could he have left her when he had promised to be there? When he should have been there… to get to know his grandchild, her baby, who should have been given the chance to love and adore his or her grandfather as much as Tonks loved and adored him… But now they would never even see each other…

Suddenly she was in pain, not just emotionally, but physically. At first, Tonks was too confused and devastated to locate it. But then with another gasp of pain she realised that it originated from her lower abdomen.

Her heart was pounding very fast very suddenly. No! Not the baby, not now… But the pain wouldn't go away. It was worse than any of the other fake labour pains she had been through lately and Tonks felt scared and helpless. She slid down from the couch, clutching her belly with both hands and gritting her teeth to stop herself from screaming.

And then the pain was gone as suddenly as it had begun. The only pain left came from her protesting legs because she was kneeling on the floor now. But Tonks didn't dare get up. She was too scared what would happen if she did and she felt too weak anyway. But mostly she was scared that the pain might come back, knowing of course that if it were real labour pains, they would come back no matter what she did. She desperately wished for Remus to come home. Remus, who hadn't told her about… about… she couldn't bring herself to say it, she didn't even want to think about it. It was just too painful…

But at the same time there seemed nothing else to think about. Would she be able to attend the funeral in her current state? Would there even be a funeral? What if they hadn't even found his body? What if You-know-who had it? But how could they know about his death then? Had they asked her mother to identify him? Mum… she longed desperately to have her here now. Maybe… maybe she could ask her to come? Tonks didn't dare try to Disapparate on her own. Actually, she didn't even dare to move. But she had to because her wand was lying next to the radio. Carefully, Tonks got hold of the couch and tried to hoist herself up…

And there it was again. The same pain originating from exactly the same spot and Tonks sank back to the ground, now really trying hard not to scream, not even so much because of the pain but because of the fear of not knowing what was going on. It wasn't right – not yet. For some reason she just knew that it wasn't time yet. She was afraid of having done something wrong. Maybe the shock about the news of her father's… suddenly Tonks thought she understood why Remus hadn't told her… But that was no help to her right now. She gasped and tried to hold on to something, anything, to get rid of the pain somehow… but she could barely see through her tears…

Suddenly she found other hands closing around her own. "Dora!"

_Remus! Thank goodness! _Tonks was overwhelmed with relief. Obviously, he had returned as soon as he was done with _Potterwatch_. He was back with her and… the pain was gone again.

"Dora, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

Tonks looked up and found his concerned eyes on her. "No, not anymore," she managed to reply.

Remus still looked worried and helped her up onto the couch. This time the pain didn't return when she moved. Remus waved his wand and handed her a glass of water.

"I shouldn't have left," he said, probably more to himself than her, while she was drinking. "What happened?"

"I couldn't sleep," Tonks explained. "And I decided to listen to _Potterwatch_."

Remus immediately turned pale upon hearing that. "Oh, Dora, I'm so sorry. I should have told you, but Andromeda thought…"

"So, it was Mum? This morning?" Tonks interjected.

"Yes," Remus nodded.

"How was she?" Tonks asked silently.

Remus looked troubled. "Shaken, of course, but still pretty calm all things considered."

"Why didn't she come to talk to me?" They had both loved him, after all. Why wouldn't she allow them to be a comfort for each other?

"She was afraid that if we told you, it might be bad for the baby. She said that this late into the pregnancy, you shouldn't become this upset," Remus explained.

"Well, she might have been right with that," Tonks admitted. "I mean, the pain is gone now, but I don't know… it didn't feel… right."

"You should better lie down," Remus said, still looking worried.

Tonks nodded, but didn't move. "I can't believe he's gone," she whispered. "There are so many things I never…"

"I know," Remus said gently, caressing her cheek.

"I should have told him exactly how much…"

"He knew. And even if he didn't, he does now, remember?" Remus interrupted her, referring to her own words at Dumbledore's funeral.

Tonks gave him a very weak smile. "I will miss him so much, Remus."

"I know." And he pulled her into his arms as far as that was still possible and she cried silently into his chest.

But thankfully, the pain didn't return when Remus finally dragged her back to bed. Her baby was fine. And that was all that mattered.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks to all of you who are still interested in this story and write those amazing reviews! Stay tuned because our favourite couple is just about to become parents ;)


	15. One plus one equals three

A/N: Thanks so much for sticking with me and this story and for those awesome reviews! They made me so happy that I really hurried up with the next chapter… Hope you like it ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15: One plus one equals three<strong>

Another three weeks had passed and had brought April and the tenth month of Tonks' pregnancy along with them. And even though thinking about going into labour had Tonks' insides riding a rollercoaster (quite literally) and tiring Remus with questions such as 'why men were allowed to have all the fun in _making_ the baby and then women had to suffer all that pain in actually _getting it out_', Tonks really wanted her baby to come out.

NOW.

Or at least that would have been the plan if not for a tiny little problem that stubbornly insisted on making her life difficult.

"Do you really have to go?"

Remus sighed. "You know I have to." Tonight was the night of the full moon and Tonks had never hated it as much as she did right now – and that was to say something.

"But it could be any day now," Tonks said, even though she knew that Remus was perfectly aware of that as well and that he didn't want to go, but that he didn't have a choice. Because if there was one thing at the moment that was more important to Remus than staying with her, it was not to endanger her and the baby by staying too long. But also, if there was one thing at the moment that Tonks was more afraid of than giving birth, it was giving birth to their child without Remus present. She had joked about it and said that holding her hand and telling her she was doing great was the least Remus could do. But the truth was that Tonks wasn't sure whether she was strong enough to do this without him.

Remus looked miserable, but he managed a smile. "I had a little chat with our baby last night while you were sleeping and we agreed that tonight would not make for a great birthday," he said.

Tonks couldn't help but smile a little as well, which was exactly why she needed Remus so much. He always made her feel better, just a little bit. "Oh, so he can already talk and all that?"

"Hey, it's your kid. Don't sound so surprised about how smart he is." Their carefree smiles lasted for another couple of seconds, then they ran out of excuses to hide from the reality of their forced goodbye. "Just have a little faith, Dora," Remus said, sounding utterly serious now. "I know I haven't been there from the start, but now I know that this child is the best thing you and I have ever done. It will turn out right. I just know it will."

If Remus and their child hadn't already been the single most important thing in her life, Tonks would have fallen in love with him all over again in this very moment. And even though she was the one with the stretch marks and the swollen ankles, she reminded herself to stop being so selfish. Knowing Remus, being forced to leave her now was even worse for him than it was for her.

"I trust you," she therefore told him. "The baby and I will be fine, so don't you worry and don't you do anything stupid. Be safe. Because what we really need from you is to come back to us in one piece."

"Nothing could stop me from returning to you two," Remus replied and knowing that they couldn't stall any longer, they kissed.

Their lips only parted again when Tonks' mother cleared her throat. Remus might have no other choice but to leave her today, but he wasn't about to leave her all alone and had insisted on bringing her over to her Mum's. Tonks hadn't resisted. It had seemed like a good idea at the time…

Remus just smiled and caressed her cheek one last time. "I love you. Both of you," he said. Before Tonks had even opened her mouth to reply, he was gone.

Her mother came into focus now. "Well, let's make yourself comfortable, shall we?" she said, looking sympathetic.

Of course when you were ten months pregnant, there was no way of being comfortable anymore. Especially, when you were busy watching out for signs of labour because you were terribly afraid that it could start before your husband was back. But the night passed and with it the full moon and next morning Tonks felt much better, knowing that Remus would return as soon as he was fully recovered or probably even before then.

She was lying on her bed, trying to take a short nap (her mother's suggestion), but realized that she was way too hungry to fall asleep. Apparently, her baby wanted to grow a little more so that it would be just a little harder to get him out of her womb. Tonks sighed, sat up and yelped in shock. There was a sharp pain originating from her lower back. She tried to take a deep breath. Perhaps she had sat up too fast. Perhaps she should listen to her mother and lie down. But Tonks was way too tense now to do anything but try to listen inside of her. And instead of going away, the pain began to spread through her entire abdomen.

Eventually, Tonks decided that it was senseless to stay here and try to wait this out. She would better go and ask her mother what she thought about this. Of course when she tried to get up, another wave of pain hit her. Was she imagining it or was it getting stronger? Should she check the intervals? Tonks glanced at her watch, but shook her head. This couldn't be it. It wasn't as bad as she had imagined real labour pains to be. She had probably just been watching out for labour pains so much that she had somehow triggered… something.

Tonks left her room taking very slow, very deliberate steps and was halfway down the stairs when it happened. She stopped dead. "MUM!"

The kitchen door was pushed open and Andromeda came hurrying towards her. "Yes, darling?"

Tonks stared at her, not daring to move. "I… think… my water just broke."

Her mother's eyes travelled from the shocked look on her daughter's face down towards the floor.

"Oh… dear," she said, "Oh, yes. Alright, come on." She grabbed her hand, but Tonks didn't move.

"No," she said, shaking her head.

Andromeda looked at her that same way that had always told Tonks that she was in serious trouble. "Dora, we have no time for this. Your water just broke! Do you really want to put yourself and the baby at risk just because Remus is not here yet?"

Of course she didn't want to do that, but Tonks just felt unable to move. This was all happening way to fast. It had barely been an hour since the pain had begun and now her water had broken and she was so not ready for this… "But… he said he would be there. I need him," she could only respond weakly.

Her mother seemed torn between sympathy and the need to be the voice of reason here and to do what was best for the baby and her daughter, but before Andromeda could open her mouth, Tonks whimpered at the next contraction (no point denying it anymore). Instinctively, she glanced at her watch again and moaned. "Mum, the interval is six minutes!" she said between clenched teeth.

Her Mum stared at her. "Alright, up then!" she decided and dragged her back upstairs into her room. There Tonks exchanged her robes for a huge nightgown before lying down on the bed once more. She was barely done with that when the next contraction hit her. Tonks moaned. So much for labour pains not being so bad. She knew it had been too good to be true…

Her mother on the other hand was smiling.

"Hey, what are you smiling at?" Tonks snapped when the pain was subsiding again.

"It just seems to me that you'll have a rather quick birth. When did the pain start today?" Andromeda sat down on the bed beside her.

"I don't know. An hour ago or so…"

"Yes, I'd guess another two hours and then your baby will be born." Andromeda smiled.

"Another two hours?" Tonks repeated and thought that two more hours of this kind of pain were still more than enough.

Her mother laughed, however. "Dora, darling, other women are in labour for the entire day."

Tonks moaned. "Alright, I'll take the two hours then."

Andromeda smiled. "Yes, you were also in a hurry to be born all those years ago, which is kind of surprising in hindsight, considering how stubborn you are. Since your baby wants to come out of there so badly, you cannot possibly wait for Remus." She stood up again.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Tonks wailed, which was true one way or the other because Remus and herself had decided not to go to the hospital. Perhaps it was a little over the top, but there was no way in hell that she would risk letting one of her nightmares come alive.

"Yes, yes, calm down, dear. I'll just notify your midwife that it's time… and that she better hurry," Andromeda added, seeing her daughter's face distorted by pain again.

"No owls!" Tonks screamed right through her next contraction. But being pregnant didn't stop her from being a member of the Order and she had heard far too many warnings. Owls were not safe anymore. "And you can't leave me like this either!"

Andromeda frowned. "You're really making this difficult, you know," she scolded, but Tonks was too busy grabbing the bed sheets with both hands to listen. She was breathing heavily when the contraction was gone again, but she was pretty sure it would only get worse now… which made her wish for Remus to come back even more.

Her mother had left the room and Tonks wondered whether she had gone to send an owl despite her protests, but soon enough she realised that Andromeda had only gone to get a bowl of water and some ice cubes and towels.

Dipping one of the towels into the cold water, her mother sat down on the edge of the bed again. "You know, I never fully understood why you forgave Remus."

Tonks stared at her. "Seriously? You think _this_ is the right moment to talk about that?"

"No, actually, I'm just trying to distract you," Andromeda admitted.

"Oh," made Tonks and found that she was kind of grateful for that. So she thought about what she could tell her Mum that she hadn't already told her all those months ago. "Well, Remus had a really awful childhood. His parents basically left him thinking he didn't deserve love and wasn't worth a damn; and thinking that he might have passed his curse on to his child was just overkill for him. But in the end that made him realise how much his parents' mistakes were still affecting him and shaping his thoughts and actions and that he had made life so much harder on himself than he deserved and me and the baby as well, for that matter."

"And that made him change?" Andromeda asked, cooling her forehead with the wet towel.

"Yes, within reason. Remus will always be Remus. He will never fully believe in himself the way I do, but I think his tormented past is an even greater motivation for him to be a good, to be a better father himself. But either way, I fell in love with him the way he is and nothing would have changed that. I'm just glad that he's a little less hard on himself now."

Andromeda was silent for a few seconds. "But even though you love each other so much and are about to have a baby, you still won't consider leaving the Order?"

"Well, first of all, leaving the Order now wouldn't make the slightest difference to You-know-who anymore," Tonks replied without hesitation. Her parents had never been too happy with her joining the Order and she wasn't surprised that her Mum used her about-to-be-born baby to pick the argument back up. "But even if it would… what kind of parents would Remus and I be if we didn't at least try to make this world a little better for our child?"

To her surprise, her mother smiled at that. "Ah, Dora, I always thought that you and Remus rushed into this, but the truth is… you'll be a great Mum."

That stunned Tonks into silence and just when she was finally about to tell her Mum how very much these words meant to her, the worst contraction as of yet hit her and caught her totally off guard. Tonks balled her hands into fists and screamed for her husband.

But the only face with her in her old childhood room was her mother's and she looked increasingly worried when the next contraction came only four minutes later and was again worse and seemed to last forever. Tonks saw no point in even trying not to scream.

And to her great surprise somebody answered. "Dora!"

Tonks closed her eyes for a second and she had never before been this happy and grateful to hear this familiar voice. Next, Remus came dashing into the room and dropped to his knees next to her bed. He was extremely pale, had more lines in his face than she had ever seen before and looked totally exhausted and out of breath. Well, she had never seen him this soon after the full moon because he usually insisted on returning only once he had recovered from the ordeal and looked like it, too, even though Tonks had told him every time that she didn't care how he looked. But since she didn't look her best right now either, they matched after all.

"Remus, you're back!" Tonks couldn't help stating the obvious, but it became increasingly difficult to organize her thoughts during the brief intervals in between contractions.

"Of course, I told you I'd be with you in time," Remus replied, reaching for her hand.

"Good, then I can finally go and get your midwife," Andromeda said, handing Remus the wet towels.

Judging from the look on his face, he was worrying about the exact same thing that Tonks was thinking about when she asked, "Wait, what if the baby comes while…?"

But she didn't even get to finish her question. "Your contractions are still about four minutes apart, dear. There's still enough time for your midwife to get here," her mother interrupted her, but she still hurried to leave the room.

Tonks had just turned her head to look at Remus again when the next contraction came and she squeezed his hand as hard as she could while she tried to breathe through the pain. Remus yelped in surprise. Although the pain was still getting worse with every contraction, Tonks did feel a little better now that Remus was at her side. When it was over once more, she looked at him.

"What are _you_ screaming for, huh?" she asked him.

"Sorry, but I wasn't prepared for you to try and crush my hand," he replied, but made no attempt at withdrawing his hand.

"Hey, you wanna swap positions?" Tonks offered, working up a little smile.

"You know I would if I could. After all I'm used to the pain of shifting into a wolf every month. Still, I think you're doing way better than I possibly could," Remus replied, sounding sincere.

Tonks sighed. "I was really worried that you wouldn't make it," she whispered.

"I would have never ever missed this." Remus caressed a strand of hair out of her sweaty face.

"Oh, so you think this is entertaining?" Tonks shot back because she couldn't help herself.

"You know that's not what I meant. I came back as soon as I could because I didn't want you to have to go through this all alone." Remus corrected his statement.

Tonks was pondering whether to let him off the hook so easily when the next contraction came and she was busy gritting her teeth and squeezing Remus' hand. He grimaced, but didn't say a word.

Still, he looked pretty relieved when it was over and he could reach for a cold rag to cool her face. "You are doing great," he said.

Tonks looked at him. "How would you know that I'm doing great? Have you ever witnessed another birth before?"

"No, but I'm supposed to tell you that everything's fine, am I not?"

"Yeah, well, think of something else because it's not helping!" Tonks hissed.

"What do you want me to do, Dora? Tell me and I'll do it!" Remus looked so helpless that she would have almost felt pity for him if the next wave of pain hadn't hit her at that moment. Remus dropped the cold rag when she squeezed his other hand with even more force than before.

"Make it stop!" Tonks cried, shaking and sweating. She could have sworn that these damn contractions were lasting longer and longer.

"I can't! But… well… I think you really are… doing great."

Tonks moaned. "Oh, as soon as our baby is born I'm so going to kill you for this!"

Remus turned even paler, but Tonks didn't know whether that was because of her threat or because his hand got crushed. In any case, someone else entered the room now.

"Don't worry. I have yet to meet a pregnant woman during labour who doesn't say this at some point." Her midwife Amelia had arrived, followed by her mother.

Amelia examined her quickly and then said, "Well, you're getting there, but you're still not fully dilated."

Apparently, Tonks had been wrong when she had thought that the pain couldn't possibly get any worse than this because it did. Amelia gave her a potion that helped for a while, but when contractions started coming every two minutes and lasted up to a minute and a half, it was just no use. Tonks could barely breathe and with every new contraction she thought she couldn't possibly stand this pain any longer. Remus kept murmuring something in her ear that didn't help her one bit while cooling her face. But since it was kind of soothing to hear his voice and it wouldn't do her any good to kill him _now_, Tonks stopped attacking him. Of course that could have also been due to the fact that the intervals between the contractions were just too short to do more than lie back and struggle to control her breathing. At least, she never let go of Remus' hand.

Finally, Amelia told her that it was time.

"With the next contraction, I need you to push, alright?"

Tonks thought she had to be kidding. She felt as if she had used up all her strength to make it this far and _now_ she was supposed to push with all her might?

And then the next contraction was there and Amelia said 'Now'. Tonks would have liked to obey, but the pain was cutting through her like a knife.

"Push, Dora, push!" It was Remus, whose lips were practically touching her ear.

She would have liked to shout at him why he didn't try to push a little, but she couldn't open her mouth except to scream.

And then suddenly Remus' eyes came into focus and they were full of love and a fierce pride. It took her a while but finally Tonks understood that he was proud of _her_. "It's almost over," he said. "You're almost there, Dora. You just have to push now and then you'll hold our baby for the first time. Come on, Dora. I know you can do this!"

She moaned and gave the tiniest of nods.

"Alright, we'll try again," Amelia's voice seemed to come from somewhere far, far away. "Now!"

Tonks focused on Remus' eyes, thinking that her baby's eyes might look just the same, and she pushed. In a weird way, it didn't feel all that bad to finally have something to do. But still the pain kept getting worse.

"Remember your breathing exercises. Very good," said Amelia.

Unfortunately, 'very good' didn't mean that she was done. Contraction after contraction came and she kept on pushing and pushing, barely noticing how her mother was cooling her face and Remus kept encouraging her.

"The head's almost through now," Amelia called after what must have been the most painful moments of her life.

But if the head was through, it couldn't take much longer. A baby wasn't that long, now was it? And indeed, for the first time since she had gone into labour, something seemed to go pretty fast. And then Tonks heard the most wonderful sound she had ever heard in her entire life.

Her baby was screaming.

"Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" Amelia asked Remus because he in turn asked Tonks whether she would let go of him for a second.

Tonks was too weak to disagree and after about two hours let go of his hand for the first time. She felt more thoroughly exhausted than she had ever done in her entire life, but still she slowly began to realize that it was over; that her baby was born and that she was a mother now. She didn't feel able to move so she couldn't see anything or anyone until Remus came into view again.

But she had never seen him like this before, not even at their wedding. He wasn't pale anymore, there were no more lines in his face or any other signs of exhaustion, which made him look years and years younger and even more handsome than usual. And he was smiling at her with unconditional happiness. And in his arms he was holding their little baby.

"You were right, Dora," he whispered. "We have a son."

He gently placed him on her breast and Tonks looked from her husband to her new-born son and she thought she had never seen anything this beautiful before. He hadn't been cleaned or anything yet, but by Merlin, he was gorgeous. It was incredibly hard to tear her eyes away from him when Amelia took him to give him a quick check-up and to clean him and wrap him in towels.

But then she had him back in her arms, her son, and before she knew it, tears were running down her cheeks. Remus was still smiling, but his eyes were glistening with unshed tears as well and on her other side, Tonks thought she heard her mother sob a little. But she couldn't check because she was only looking at the baby in her arms. He was so tiny… his mouth, his nose, his hands, his eyes… she thought he really did have Remus' eyes and a tuft of black hair.

"He is so adorable," she whispered.

Remus had sat down on the bed next to her and placed an arm around her.

"He looks like you."

Tonks looked up at her husband in surprise. They had both said the same thing at the same time. She smiled. "Well, maybe he looks like the both of us then."

"He does." It was her mother's voice. "What name will you give him?"

Tonks bit her lip and looked from her son to her mother and husband. "I would like to name him Ted, even if he's only just a Teddy right now, if that's alright with you two?"

Now her mother really started to cry, but nodded. "Your father would… have been honoured."

Remus smiled, too. "I think that's a good idea."

Tonks looked at her son again. "Teddy Remus Lupin. How do you like that?"

"When did we decide that he'd have my name as well?" Remus asked.

"Well, _we_ didn't, actually, but I think he should, so that everybody knows what a great father he has," Tonks replied, smiling at Remus.

"Huh, well, I think his mother is the one who deserves all the credit." He bent down to give her a gentle kiss. "This is truly… amazing, Dora. For the first time in my life I really feel like I've done something important, something that made my existence on this earth worthwhile..."

"I'm way too tired right now to argue with you about this being the first time you've done something important, but you're right, this is… huge," Dora replied. "Now we have to live up to it, though, Remus, we can't ever let Teddy down."

"We won't," Remus promised her.

They sat in silence and absolute peace for a while, perfectly happy with looking at their little son.

"Woah, what's happening to his hair?" Remus asked suddenly.

Tonks immediately saw what he meant. The little tuft of black hair on Teddy's tiny head seemed to turn ginger. While Tonks still marvelled at the little miracle that was her son, her mother began to laugh.

"Well, he definitely is his mother's son. Dora's hair colour also started changing the day she was born."

Remus and Tonks looked at each other. "He's a Metamorphmagus," Remus said smiling. Perhaps he was thinking back to what he had said about a boy still being able to take after his mother.

But Tonks thought of something else. "Then maybe that's more than enough for one boy to be," she said and since Remus' smile faded a little, she knew he had understood. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. Tonks of course had never believed that their son would be a werewolf, but now that she saw how pure and innocent he was, she would have bet her life on it, even though the curse wouldn't have changed a single thing about her unconditional love for this wonderful little boy.

Finally, Amelia came into view again and told Tonks that it was time for her to get a check-up and then clean up as well.

"I would like to tell the others," Remus said, getting up from the bed, that fatherly pride in his eyes again. "And if you agree, I will ask Harry to be Teddy's godfather," he added silently, probably thinking of his long lost friends.

Tonks smiled. "Of course, I think that's a wonderful idea. Do you think he's still at Bill and Fleur's cottage?"

"I hope so," Remus nodded.

"Alright, but don't be too long. And take care!"

Remus smiled. "Nothing could keep me away from you two for long," he said, kissed her, caressed Teddy's head gently, kissed her again and then left the room.

Tonks was forced to give Teddy to her mother, whose eyes were filled with more happiness than they had ever since Dad had left them. Seeing her so happy made it easier for Tonks to be parted from Teddy while Amelia took care of her and then sent her off to take a hot and cleansing bath. Afterwards Andromeda offered mother and son her own bedroom while she wanted to clean up the other one. Tonks gave her Mum a gentle but grateful hug and with Teddy back in her arms she settled down on her mother's bed. When she had started nursing him, Remus returned.

He smiled and sat down next to her. "They were all thrilled and are sending their best wishes. Harry agreed to be godfather," he told her.

"How is he?" Tonks asked. Now that she was a mother, it seemed all the more important that Harry succeeded with whatever he was doing exactly.

"He's fine. Hermione and Ron are still with him as well. I don't know what the status of their mission is right now, but that they're still alive and made it this far makes me think that together they're able to finish whatever it is. Of course I can't help feeling optimistic right now." Remus smiled lovingly at Teddy. "Oh, and Molly sad you should consider yourself lucky, having delivered in only about three hours. Apparently, she was in labour for fifteen hours when she had Bill."

Tonks stared at him. "Fifteen hours? How can you even survive that?"

"I don't know," Remus said, stretching his hand. "Arthur only gave me a weak smile when I asked him."

"And she still wanted to have six more children afterwards?" Tonks had always admired Molly for being a smart witch and wonderful mother, but she had never fully realized the strength needed to give birth to seven children. One seemed like more than enough responsibility for now. "Do you think we're really up to the job, Remus? I mean, like Arthur and Molly were?" she suddenly heard herself asking.

Remus seemed to ponder what to reply to that for a few seconds. Then he said, "Well, first of all, I doubt that Molly and Arthur felt as comfortable and sure of themselves as parents as they are now when they had Bill. They have quite a head start on us, but… after today, Dora, I think we can do anything, or at least, I'm sure you can."

Tonks smiled. She was still lost in her happiness, but also incredibly tired. That's why she couldn't think of any other reply than, "I love you."

But what else was there to say, really? They truly were a little family now and Dora closed her eyes, wishing she could capture the happiness of this perfect moment in time.


	16. Future

A/N: Closing in on the end now… Thanks to all of you who are still enjoying this story ;)

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><p><strong>Chapter 16: Future<strong>

"Dora."

"Huh?"

"He's crying again."

There was nothing but silence. Well, not really because Teddy was wailing at the top of his lungs, but there came no reply from the other half of the bed.

Remus sighed. He knew that Dora was exhausted. Since the day of Teddy's birth she hadn't been able to sleep for more than a few hours apiece because their son wouldn't stay asleep for more than a few hours apiece either. He always woke up and demanded to be nursed or to have his nappy changed or just to be paid some attention. But mostly he wanted Dora, which was why Remus didn't have a choice but to wake her, no matter how much he would have wanted to grant her a few more hours of sleep.

But there was just no way around the fact that Remus couldn't feed their son himself. He still wasn't getting any more sleep than Dora since he couldn't sleep through Teddy's crying either, but he felt that Dora needed it much more than he did because she had never been given any time to recover from giving birth.

So, Remus did the only thing he could do. He got out of bed, picked Teddy up and returned to Dora's side of the bed. "Dora, just sit up a little, love," he whispered.

She moaned, but did as she was told. Her eyes barely open, she allowed Remus to place their son in her arms and started breastfeeding him. Remus watched and after a while he saw that both his wife and his son had fallen asleep again. He had to smile at that and carefully took Teddy out of Dora's arms (she made a funny noise, but let go) and after he had placed him back in his cot, he tucked his wife back in. Dora muttered something that sounded like a muffled 'thanks'.

Remus smiled. "Anytime," he whispered and kissed her on the cheek. Then he lay back down as well to fall asleep and be woken up again two hours later to repeat the same thing all over again.

Yes, being a father was definitely harder than becoming one.

Next morning, Molly and Arthur came to visit, which absolutely made their day because Molly smiled all too understandingly when she saw how tired they looked and told them to go back to bed while she would watch Teddy.

Remus looked at Dora. They hadn't let anyone else watch over Teddy so far, but Molly had seven kids, after all, and probably knew more about being a parent than the two of them together. Plus, if Teddy started crying again, they'd hear it, anyway. So they accepted the offer and for the first time Remus could wrap his arms around Dora and close his eyes, actually anticipating more than about two hours of sleep.

"I wonder why no one told us that giving birth is not the hardest part at all," Dora muttered and Remus just smiled.

* * *

><p>Those days when Remus had thought that it couldn't be all that difficult to take care of a helpless newborn which more or less slept all day were long since past. Although Teddy did sleep a lot, that didn't do Remus or Dora much good because they needed those hours to try and catch some sleep as well. And when Teddy was awake, they had to watch him, feed him, entertain him, bath him, change his nappies and, hardest of all, soothe him when he was crying. And he was crying a lot, especially in the evenings.<p>

It was simply beyond Remus' understanding. Dora had fed him, they had bathed him, he definitely had a fresh nappy and he was in his mother's arms. Why was he still crying? What else could he want? Remus thought that if he'd been just about two weeks old, he would have been pretty happy just now. Unfortunately, Teddy thought otherwise.

Dora was walking up and down the living room, rocking him gently, talking to him; she had even tried singing and dancing. But nothing would do the trick. Until Dora finally burst into tears herself.

"I'm the worst mother on earth," she sobbed while sitting down in an armchair, Teddy in her lap.

Remus knelt down in front of her and caressed her arm. "No, you're not."

"I'm sure Molly never had difficulties with making her kids stop crying," Dora insisted.

Remus sighed. "Dear, you've got to stop comparing yourself to Molly. She had years and years to learn how to be a mother. You've only just had two weeks."

"Still, aren't women supposed to have some kind of mothering instinct? Figures that I'm the only one who doesn't. I probably lost it somewhere and tripped over it," Dora said with a self-deprecating smile while one of her tears dropped onto Teddy's face. "Oh, I'm sorry," she wailed and wiped her tear from his face – not that it mattered much because his face was tear-strained from all his own crying anyway.

Still, it made Remus realise that Teddy hat stopped crying and was merely looking at his mother out of those great, round eyes.

"Shh, Dora, he stopped," Remus told her and his wife looked at her son in surprise.

"But… why?" she asked.

"Perhaps he didn't want to see you cry. He's got to have inherited something from my side, after all," Remus suggested with a smile.

That made Dora smile a little as well. "As long as he doesn't start all over again once he realises he's supposed to sleep."

But Teddy actually seemed done crying for now. Whatever had done the trick, he turned around willingly in his cot and was asleep in a matter of seconds.

"Now I feel like he was pulling my leg or something," Dora said while she watched her suddenly peaceful son.

Remus smiled. "Well, I told you he could take after you even though he's a boy."

"Oh, so you're saying the crying comes only from my side?" Dora asked.

"All I'm saying is that you certainly were the… more active child," Remus phrased it carefully.

She frowned. "Did Mum tell you that?"

"She might have mentioned something along those lines, yes."

"Well, I just wanted to grace the world with my presence. Wasn't my fault that the world wasn't always ready for my… enthusiasm," Dora said and changed her hair colour back to pink, which she had abandoned for a while because she had been worried that the bright colour might scare Teddy or perhaps she had simply been afraid that he might make his hair go pink as well.

Remus laughed. "Yes, and you can't blame Teddy for following in his mother's footsteps, now can you?"

"No, but I _can _blame you." Dora's eyes were twinkling. "You told him not to listen to me when I advised him to take more after his father."

"And I still think he shouldn't. I want him to feel able to take on the world and to never let anything stand between him and his dreams, just like his mother did," Remus replied.

Dora's response to that was a kind of kiss that they hadn't shared in a while and Remus instinctively reached out to pull her close. But Dora winced and cursed silently, "Ouch."

Remus let go of her at once. "I'm sorry," he said, feeling bad when he watched Dora rub the small of her back.

"It's alright. I thought I… well, we should try and get some sleep anyway. Teddy will wake up again in about two hours, tops." She was about to turn away, but Remus held her back.

"We don't have to hurry, Dora. I love you and I want you to take all the time in the world to recover."

She looked at him and smiled. "I know, but _I_ don't want to wait that long." She kissed him again and then they went to bed, knowing that they had about one and a half hour left before familiar crying would wake them up again.

* * *

><p>Her little son was almost four weeks old now and slowly things started to improve. Tonks' back and pelvis had more or less stopped hurting, she had gotten used to the feeling of her breasts being filled to the brim with milk and somehow even to having less sleep than usual. She was beginning to settle into a certain kind of rhythm and that made things with Teddy much easier. It didn't take Tonks about twenty minutes to change a nappy anymore; she knew exactly how hot the water should be if her son was supposed to take a bath and which position Teddy preferred when she nursed him and above all she knew that sometimes she just needed lots of patience to soothe him when he was crying.<p>

As a result everything was slightly less stressful and she and Remus were beginning to find a new everyday rhythm for their life as a family. They hadn't tried to do anything but sleep when they went to bed, but Tonks thought that she'd soon be ready for another try. She wasn't about to let her motherhood obscure the fact that she was still also a woman who had a husband who desired her. But Tonks knew that she would have to take the initiative on this one because Remus was far too afraid to hurt her, which was sweet in his own way.

Her bubbling son made Tonks focus again. She had just finished nursing Teddy and was now patting his back gently, trying to burp him. But he didn't seem overly interested in that and seemed way more fascinated by her hair, which was back to pink now because she just loved it that way. Teddy seemed, too, and Tonks made it grow a little longer for his benefit. Teddy looked at her out of his big eyes, his mouth open, even though that probably didn't have anything to do with surprise.

Still, Tonks had to laugh. Her son's hair was turquoise at the moment, but he had probably no idea that he was changing its colour – or for that matter what colours were at all. Metamorphmagi had to learn to control their abilities, which would grow stronger while they were growing up. Changing the hair colour was about everything one could do when being a baby and Tonks was grateful for that. She knew that they would have enough problems with Teddy's abilities when he was older. After all, he was her son.

For now though, Tonks thought that it couldn't hurt to show Teddy what he was capable of, at least theoretically. So she made her hair go red, then blue, yellow, green and back to red. Teddy made a noise that sounded like laughter and he had a smile on his face.

Tonks' heart leaped. "Remus, look, he's smiling!"

"Yes, very nice," came a curt reply that told her he hadn't even bothered to look.

Her hair halfway changed between red and blue, Tonks turned around to look at her husband. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Remus met her gaze. "Did you happen to check the date lately?" he asked.

Tonks frowned at first, but then she suddenly understood. Teddy was almost four weeks old, which meant that a month had passed since his birth and the full moon was approaching again. She had simply forgotten about that due to all the excitement that came with having a newborn baby. Her husband, however, would never forget about this. But there was more to it this time, which was probably the reason for Remus' dark mood. It would be Teddy's first full moon. They still did not know, not for certain, anyway…

Tonks looked at the bubbly face of her son. "Nothing is going to happen, Remus. Just look at him. He's so cute."

"You think I'm cute, too," Remus replied sarcastically.

"That's because you are," Tonks said firmly. "At least when you're not sulking. Come on, Remus. Look at him!"

Remus sighed and did as he was told and Tonks could see that even though he didn't smile, his eyes were all soft and loving. "Yes, he looks innocent. But he has no reason not to because he has never changed into a wolf and because the full moon is not upon us yet."

"Well, I don't care what you think. I still say he won't change," Tonks insisted and she really did believe she was right. She just felt it in her gut and she was his mother, after all.

"I never expected you to say anything else," Remus replied.

It could have just been a reference to her well-know stubbornness, but he didn't say it in a teasing kind of way. No, she knew that tone even though she hadn't heard it in a while and she had been perfectly fine with that. Tonks got up and placed Teddy gently in his cot, which was not exactly to his liking just now, but for once she ignored his protest. Instead she turned around to her husband.

"Remus," she said firmly. "You promised me something. You promised me to be fine with it or at least deal with it."

"I can still hope that it's not going to happen, can't I?"

"Of course, you can. But you don't actually believe that it won't, do you? You sound like… like it's already been decided and like it's your fault and I so don't want to go there with you again."

Remus looked at her now and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just like you said. He is so young and innocent and I really want it to stay that way. But it's hard to believe in that when I'm already feeling that the full moon is coming."

Tonks sat down beside him and reached for his hands. "Then I will believe in it for the both of us."

Remus smiled and put an arm around her. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do," Tonks said and rested her head on his shoulder. "I think Teddy behaves perfectly normal, all things considered. He even smiled when I was changing my hair for him. Don't you think he would feel something if it were about to happen?"

"I really don't know," Remus sighed. "It could be, but he's barely a month old. Maybe he simply doesn't understand. He doesn't know he's a Metamorphmagus either."

"Exactly. He's a Metamorphmagus and Metamorphmagus genes happen to repel werewolf genes."

Remus frowned. "Then why are you sitting next to me just now?"

"Did I say repel? I meant more like… get them under control," Tonks correct herself with a smile.

Remus smiled. "You really are absolutely convinced that he's fine."

"Yes, I am and I should know best. I'm his mother," Tonks said, feeling more than ready to end this discussion now.

But Remus wouldn't let her. "I really hope you're right, Dora. But still, we need to take precautions."

She stared at Remus. "You're not going to take him with you, are you?"

"Of course not." Remus shook his head. "What would I do to him if he's no…" He trailed off. That thought was obviously way too painful for him to continue and he looked away.

But Tonks made him face her again. "You wouldn't hurt him," she said with as much determination as she could possibly put into her voice. "Because what you are transforming into is not actually _you_."

Remus smiled weakly. "Well, I won't take him with me so there's no need to discuss that. The problem is that you can't just stay with him and wait because if he should change into a wolf, he could bite you."

"What? But he's only a month old!" Tonks protested.

"You have to understand, Dora, that this is unique," Remus said. "I doubt that Teddy would transform into a fully-grown werewolf, but if he carries the curse, I think it doesn't matter how small he is. He'd be able to pass it on and we cannot risk that."

"So what are we going to do?" Tonks asked who just couldn't help feeling a little worried now as well.

"Assuming that Teddy wouldn't be a fully-grown werewolf, we can simply lock him into the bedroom and make a hole in the door for you to peek through. Don't look at me like that, Dora. This is already risky. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't like the thought of a werewolf transforming with someone he could bite sitting next door."

"But, Remus, he could only be like… a puppy!" Tonks said.

"We don't know that, Dora. We simply don't know." Remus sighed. Tonks knew that there was no point in arguing with him about this because she knew he would be adamant when it came to her safety. So she just rested her head on his shoulder again. "Do you still believe that everything's going to be fine?" Remus asked her quietly.

She hesitated for a moment, but then said, "Yes, yes, I do."

They looked at each other and their lips met when Teddy eventually decided that he had been ignored long enough and started wailing at the top of his lungs.

* * *

><p>It was weird for her to feel so tense at the day of the full moon. Well, ever since she had met Remus, she had stopped being indifferent about this day of the month because she had begun thinking – and worrying – about him, hoping that he was alright.<p>

But this time it was still another matter entirely. Even if Tonks had been able to relax a little and push the knowledge of what was going to happen tonight to the back of her mind, Remus made sure that she wouldn't. He was extremely tense, looked very pale and it was only getting worse with each passing hour. Tonks could tell how reluctant Remus was to leave her and Teddy because he stayed far longer than he usually would have done. She was a little shocked to find that she could actually tell that tonight was the night of the full moon by merely looking at Remus. Suddenly there were all these lines in his face and his eyes seemed cold somehow.

Finally, he seemed to realise that time was running out on him. "Alright," he said to her, "I want you to be very careful. No matter what happens, don't go into the bedroom until you're a hundred percent certain that Teddy is not going to change. And when the moonlight is upon him, wait at least half an hour. It could simply take him a while because this would be his first time. So don't go…"

"… inside. I know, Remus. I'm not stupid and I'm not deaf. We have been over this a hundred times," Tonks replied a little harsher than she had intended, but she simply didn't want to hear him say all these things as if Teddy's verdict had already been delivered. She turned away, but…

"No, Dora, you're going to listen to me, now!" And Remus pulled her around, gripping her shoulders so fiercely that Tonks winced in surprise. She looked at him and for the first time ever she saw the wolf looking back at her. But then Remus blinked and the shadow of the creature lurking inside him was gone and there was only fear left. "I stayed too long. I have to get going," he said, letting go of her and hastily turning towards the door, obviously afraid of losing control again.

"Remus…" Dora didn't know what she wanted to say, but she knew she didn't want them to part like this.

But Remus turned around again and beat her to it. "Listen, Dora, I know you're not stupid. But I also know that you have an uncanny knack of forgetting how dangerous a werewolf can be because you love the man inside him too much. Best proof for that is that you ended up with me."

"Which left me with a wonderful son and no complaints whatsoever," Tonks reminded him, a little more careful though as to not wake the wolf again.

"Yes, but please listen to me. Just this once. I would never ever forgive myself if…"

"I know, Remus, really…" She interjected, but more gently this time.

She reached for his hands and kissed him. But when she had intended to let go, Remus suddenly pulled her close to him and deepened their kiss until Tonks was almost forced to pull back because she was running out of air. But at that moment, Remus let go, anyway, and struggled to control his breathing or perhaps something less visible inside of him.

"I… gotta go." For a second he moved towards her again as if intending to kiss her goodbye once more, but then he thought better of it and left.

Tonks stared after him. She had to admit that it was a little creepy to think about that… something awakening inside her husband, but still she wished there would be a way for them to stay with each other tonight. She knew she should have paid more attention in Potions. But knowing Remus, he probably would refuse to let her see him change even if they had the Wolfsbane Potion at hand.

Tonks shook her head. She had other things to focus on just now. But Tonks realised that she had no idea at what time it would happen exactly – if it happened, that was, of course, which it wouldn't…

She stopped in front of their magically locked bedroom door and peeked inside. They had left the curtains open so that the moon light would fall right onto Teddy's cot, which was supposed to make it easier for Tonks to see whether anything happened to him. But right now Teddy was sleeping peacefully and the sky outside was cloudy and refused to reveal the full moon just yet. So Tonks sat down on the couch and waited. It was no use to pretend that she could concentrate on anything else right now.

She didn't know how much time had passed and she didn't really care when she heard Teddy begin to cry. Tonks jumped to her feet and hurried to peek through the hole. She had been afraid of this. She could see her son. He was awake and crying. He was probably hungry (her breasts were filled to the brim with milk, which was always an unmistakable sign), but she couldn't get to him. It was her own personal version of hell.

Tonks just stood there for a while, watching, while Teddy began to cry louder and louder. He couldn't understand. He couldn't understand why no one came to pick him up. Why no one cared. Tonks had no idea how long she had already endured this, but then Teddy started to choke as if he couldn't breathe anymore because of all his futile crying and crying… Tears were running down Tonks' cheeks now. She couldn't stand this. She was absolutely terrified that her son would simply suffocate while she was just standing here, watching.

She glanced at the window. The sky was still cloudy.

_No matter what happens, don't go into the bedroom until you're a hundred percent certain that Teddy is not going to change, _Remus' voice echoed inside her head when she reached for her wand. She actually did feel a little guilty, but well, Remus wasn't here. He couldn't hear how their son was suffocating.

"_Alohomora!" _The door opened and Tonks hurried inside to take Teddy out of his cot and into her arms.

"It's alright, darling. Mummy's here," she whispered while rocking him gently back and forth until Teddy had finally calmed down a little. Hastily, Tonks began to nurse him.

And it was then while Teddy was sucking peacefully that the clouds parted and the two of them were suddenly bathed in moon light. Tonks' heart skipped a beat and she froze. Even though she had been so confident before, she was suddenly terrified while she looked down on her son and Teddy looked back at her.

For a fracture of a second Tonks thought she saw that wolfish shadow move in his eyes, the same she had seen in Remus' face before he had left, and she could see it there in her mind's eye – how Teddy would change, how he would bite her and how Remus would never ever forgive himself – but then it was gone and Teddy's eyes were as blue and filled with that innocent curiosity as always.

Tonks thought she could actually feel the relief crush down on her and tears of joy started running down her cheeks. She hugged Teddy carefully, who had of course no idea what was going on. He simply burped and Tonks had to laugh.

"If you knew how much you scared Mummy and Daddy," she told him with a wet smile. "Oh, your Daddy, he'll be so incredibly happy!" And she placed a kiss on every part of her son's face.

"But we knew it all along, didn't we?" Teddy was still looking back at her out of those big, round eyes. His hair turned pink. "Oh, no, that's not your colour, honey," Tonks laughed and spent the next fifteen minutes turning her own hair turquoise, hoping that Teddy would simply follow her lead. In the end his hair was purple. "Well, it's a start." She smiled and realised that her son was already half closing his eyes again.

Tonks was so happy that Teddy really was no werewolf, after all, and that his greatest problem right now was the not very manly colour of his hair that she couldn't part from him now. She held her son carefully within the safety of her arms and drifted off to the most peaceful sleep she had experienced in weeks.

Remus was running up the stairs so fast that he almost tripped over his own feet. Under normal circumstances he wouldn't have returned yet. He was exhausted and probably still looked pretty frightening. But just like last time when he had come back to be with Dora during the birth of their son, he simply hadn't been able to stay away any longer. He just needed to know. He couldn't stand it any longer. He couldn't stand not knowing and he was worried, too.

He simply knew his wife too well. Dora was the smartest witch he knew, but she was simply downright careless when it came to the fact that he or in this case Teddy was a werewolf. She loved them so much and was so determined to show that the curse wouldn't change anything about her feelings that she would risk her own life. Remus quickened his pace at that thought. He barely realised that he had again automatically assumed that his son was a werewolf, after all.

Finally, Remus reached the front door and dashed into their living room. There she was – thank goodness, Dora seemed fine – but Teddy was nowhere to be seen. The door to the bedroom was closed, the way he had left it. He closed his eyes for a second. He had known it.

But when he opened his eyes again, he saw that Dora was smiling at him. Why was that? Could it be? Did Teddy's absence and the closed bedroom door not mean what he thought it did? Or was Dora just smiling because she was determined to make the best of this? Well, that was what they needed to do. They had to do everything in their might to give Teddy the best life he could possibly have while being a werewolf. But still, still Remus had hoped, wished, begged…

"How are you?" Dora asked him now, looking a little worried. Well, he knew he looked horrible, but he had no patience for this now.

"That doesn't matter," he said, "How's Teddy? What happened?"

And Dora's smile broadened. Could he hope, after all? But, no, no, he mustn't do this…

"He's fine," she replied. "Perfectly fine. Nothing happened, Remus. Nothing at all!"

Remus stared at her. Could it be true? Why would she lie to him? Still, this was too good… He had to convince himself. He simply passed Dora, opened the bedroom door and stopped at Teddy's cot.

His son was lying there, sleeping peacefully and his face was as young, innocent and untroubled as it always had been, as it should be. Remus knew that if he had recently changed, there would have been signs. And if he hadn't changed although he had seen the full moon, Remus really hadn't passed on his curse. His son was free to grow up as happy and innocent as any child should be; to grow up to be as beautiful and unique as his mother and to find his place in this world. In short, he was free to live the life Remus could have only hoped for his son to have, the life he had never been granted himself.

Gradually, the relief was getting to him. Everything he had been so afraid of for the last eleven months was simply… gone.

His son was no werewolf. His son had a future.

It was as simple as that. But that simplicity was still complex enough to allow a few tears to escape his eyes. His son, Teddy Remus Lupin, could have the best of lives. Well, if they got rid of You-know-who. But right now even that seemed to be a piece of cake. Everything that mattered now was that Teddy would not grow up to hate him because he had given him a cursed life. He was not that bad a father, after all.

"Remus?" It was Dora.

He turned around and saw that she looked really worried now. But there was no need to. He had been worried long enough and he had forced her to be worried as well. But that was all over now. And if it hadn't been for the stubborn love of this incredible woman, he would have never been given this chance.

Remus smiled, took two quick steps towards Dora and lifted her in his arms and into the air, spinning around with her until he almost lost his balance.

"Whoa," she said, although she was smiling again now, "I take it you are happy then."

"I don't know. I don't think there is a word to describe just exactly what I'm feeling right now," Remus replied. He looked at her and it simply burst out of him. "Oh, Dora, I can't tell how much I love you. I feel like this… today… has finally turned me into an entirely new man or at least has given me the chance to become that man. And none of this would have been possible without you!"

Dora laughed. "Well, it wasn't only me. You did all the heavy lifting, well, except for the giving birth part, _that_ really was just me."

"It was you all the way… you and Teddy, the incredible son you gave us!" Remus took her face in his hands and their lips met in a firework of emotions.

They were both so full of relief, happiness and held-back passion that they lost themselves in their own perfect little world just now, where they could simply enjoy each other's love and support until their son would wake up and they would take him between them, still whispering confessions of love above his head and forgetting about anything out there that could harm them.


	17. Eternity

**A/N: Here are the last two chapters. Thanks so much to all of you who read, reviewed and enjoyed this story! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17: Eternity<strong>

"Come on, Teddy, we are visiting Granny today."

Remus watched how Dora put their son into the baby carrier. Teddy was happily taking in his new surroundings and he still had purple hair although it did have a slightly bluish sheen today.

"Are you quite sure there is no way to convince him to change his hair colour again?" Remus asked.

Dora sighed. "I've been running around with turquoise hair for days. I think he just likes purple."

"Well, why not try a… normal colour for a change like brown or something?"

Dora raised an eyebrow. "How ordinary. No, I think, he's got my taste."

"Yes, that's what I'm afraid of," Remus said.

"Hey," Dora nudged him in the side. "I thought you liked my hair style."

"Yes, because you're a woman. He's a boy and boys don't usually run around with purple hair," Remus explained.

"Well, he's not running around." Dora laughed. "Oh, come on, Remus, he's one and a half months old. He has no idea what he's doing."

"Alright," Remus said. "But the first thing we're going to teach him is colours."

Dora smiled. "I told you you'd have fun with two Metamorphmagi in the family."

"Yes, I'll try not to feel left out too much," Remus replied with a smirk.

Dora wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, we would never ever dream of leaving you out."

Remus kissed her. "That's good to know. And now we should get going." He grabbed the carrier and took Dora's hand.

"Wait," she said, "We first have to explain to Teddy that we are going to Disapparate now."

"But you do know that if he doesn't grasp the concept of colours yet, you will have a hard time explaining magic to him?" Remus asked, smiling, though.

"What I do know is that Metamorphmagi are more intelligent than _ordinary_ humans," Dora shot back, let go of his hand and knelt down in front of Teddy.

"Oh, well, then pretend I never said anything," Remus replied and couldn't help smiling broadly while he watched how Dora explained to Teddy that there was no reason to be afraid. He doubted that Teddy was actually listening because he was busy grabbing for strands of Dora's hair, but the two of them together were so sweet that Remus could have watched them forever.

Eventually, Dora gave up on explaining, but she still looked a little anxious when she took Remus' hand again. "He'll be alright," he reassured her and she nodded tentatively.

They Disapparated and appeared in front of Andromeda's house. Although Teddy was indeed fine, he didn't seem to like the sensation very much because he immediately started crying. They hurried inside the house and while Remus closed the door behind them, Dora took Teddy into her arms and tried to soothe him.

Andromeda came to greet them. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing, he just didn't like Disapparating," Dora explained.

"Well, that's not much of a surprise. It's absolutely awful the first couple of times. Come on, give him to me!" Dora hesitated, but let her mother take Teddy and watched how she disappeared into the living room.

"She just ran off with our baby!" Dora complained, shaking her head.

Remus smiled. "Well, I kind of thought that was exactly what we came here for."

"We came so that my mother could take Teddy away from us?" Dora asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, not if you put it like that. But I thought that you visit a grandmother so that she can watch over the child and the parents can enjoy… some alone time," Remus explained, his eyes twinkling.

Dora shook her head. "You are so incredible predictable." But she smiled before she turned to enter the living room and Remus followed.

In the living room they found Andromeda sitting on the couch, rocking Teddy in her lap, playing gee-gees while their son was laughing happily.

"I told you so," Remus whispered into Dora's ear.

Andromeda looked up at them. "Oh, Dora, this is just like when you were little."

"As long as you two are having fun," she replied, obviously still unsure whether she was fine with giving her baby away like that. But then she looked at Remus, who simply smiled at her, and back to her mother. "Err… Mum, do you mind if Remus and I go upstairs for a few minutes?"

"Oh, no, take your time," Andromeda replied without tearing her eyes away from Teddy.

Dora smiled and pulled Remus upstairs into her room. "I thought I was too predictable," Remus said, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, but I never said that some… alone time sounded bad," she replied and wrapped her arms around him.

Their lips had only just met when there was a flash of bright light and Arthur's Patronus appeared next to them. Remus reluctantly let go of his wife and focused on the weasel, which said, _"Harry showed up at Hogwarts. Everybody's gathering there. Seems we are putting up a fight. Apparate directly into Hog's Head."_

The Patronus vanished and took the playful and happy mood in the room with it. Remus immediately felt that this was serious, that this might be it, the chance to finally make a difference, the one they had all been waiting for. He looked at Dora.

"What… was that?" she asked. "What does he mean… putting up a fight?"

"I don't know," Remus replied honestly. "But it seems to me that if Harry risked showing up at Hogwarts again, he must be very close now. And if he needs our help…" Remus was already halfway towards the door without really thinking about it.

"Wait, what about Teddy?" Dora stopped him.

"You will stay here with him," Remus replied, again without even thinking about it first.

Dora folded her arms across her chest. "No, I will not let you go there alone."

Remus smiled. "I can take care of myself, Dora."

"But it sounds really dangerous…" She was actually looking worried.

"We have been in the Order all this time, waiting for this very moment when we're finally given the chance to make a difference, to fight against You-know-who and the evil he's spreading. I need to do this for Teddy. With You-know-who gone, he can have a life, he can have a future, he can have everything he can think of."

Dora sighed, but Remus could see in her eyes that she was secretly thinking exactly the same thing. So she nodded. "Alright."

They went back into the living room. Andromeda looked up and seemed to feel that something was amiss. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"It seems there is going to be a fight at Hogwarts," Remus replied curtly.

"A fight?" Andromeda looked at Dora, probably having just as many questions as they had, but she didn't push for an answer, for which Remus was grateful.

He took Teddy from her and into his arms and looked at his son. "You'll watch over your Mum and Gran while I'm away, right?" Teddy made a bubble, which burst with a silent _plop_. Remus smiled, kissed him on the forehead and gave him back to Andromeda, who mirrored Dora's worried expression now.

Then he went into the hall and Dora followed him.

"I should come with you," she said again.

"No. Teddy will be hungry soon. You should stay with him," Remus replied while putting on his travelling cloak. Secretly, he was glad that he had the argument of Teddy being dependent on his mother because the thought of Dora accompanying him and entering this fight terrified him. He couldn't help remembering that fight in the Department of Mysteries and how close he had come to losing her. No, he wouldn't go there again.

But apparently, Dora felt the same thing because she had tears in her eyes now. "Hey, it's going to be alright," he said and gently caressed her cheek. "We don't even know what's really going on."

"Yeah, we don't know. It's just…" she sighed and trailed off. "You'll be careful, right?"

"Of course," Remus nodded. "Come here." And he pulled her into a hug before kissing her goodbye. "See you in a bit," he said in a firm voice, hoping that it would help to calm her down somewhat.

"Be safe," she repeated, but didn't let go of his hand.

"Dora," he said gently.

She sighed, probably angry with herself, and pulled his face towards her to kiss him one more time. But then Dora suddenly let go and turned away.

"Dora?"

"Dammit, just go, Remus, before I change my mind!"

He smiled and placed another kiss on the back of her head. "I love you," he whispered and left to Disapparate into the Hog's Head.

* * *

><p>It was driving her crazy. She'd thought she would be able to stand it somehow. But she just… couldn't.<p>

When Remus had left, Tonks had returned to the living room and told her mother what was going on or rather what she knew about what was going on, which was not much. Then Teddy had indeed gotten hungry and after she had nursed him, he had fallen asleep. From that moment on Tonks had nothing to do, nothing to distract herself with and her fear for Remus was eating her alive.

Of course she trusted Remus, trusted him to be careful and she knew that he was more than able to take care of himself. But knowing that and actually believing in it were two different things entirely. Tonks just couldn't stand not knowing what was really going on. Arthur had said that everybody was gathering at Hogwarts. But who exactly was everybody? And what kind of a fight were they putting up? Were they simply fighting against the new Death Eater regime at Hogwarts or against You-know-who's total army or even himself?

It simply wasn't fair that she was the only Order member who didn't know even though her husband was perhaps fighting for his life that very minute. Tonks understood, of course, why Remus had wanted her to stay behind. She was responsible for Teddy's wellbeing and owed it to him to take care of herself as much as she cared for him, but all that was also true for Remus. Teddy needed his mother _and_ his father.

But right now he was sleeping. He was perfectly safe here at her Mum's house. And it didn't have to take long if she just went to see what was really going on…

"Stay here!" Her mother said immediately. "It's too dangerous."

"But Remus is out there, too!" Tonks protested.

"Exactly. You think it wise to run after him and leave your son all alone?" Andromeda asked.

"He's not alone. He's with you. And I'm coming back."

"Then why do you have to go in the first place?" Her mother shook her head.

"Because I need to know!" Tonks said desperately. "I love Remus, Mum! He and Teddy are the world to me! I can't stand just sitting here, not knowing, not knowing what is going on, not knowing if this is it, if Remus is in danger, if he…" She broke off and took a deep breath. She knew this might be the very moment she had been afraid of, the moment she would prove herself to be a careless mother. But she couldn't help it. She was also a fighter and if they were finally ready to put up a fight, then dammit, she needed to be there! "So, would you take care of Teddy? I swear I'll be back before he even wakes up again."

Andromeda sighed. "Well, of course I will take care of him! But I still say this is a dumb idea, dumb and dangerous."

"Thanks, Mum. And yes, maybe I'm stupid and careless and all that. But then that's just the way it is when you really love someone." Tonks bent down and caressed her son's cheek gently. "I will be back soon," she whispered as to not wake him up. "Mummy loves you." She kissed him and stood up again.

Her mother still looked disapproving, but she said, "Please take care of yourself, Dora."

Tonks gave her Mum a quick hug. "I will," she said, smiled and left.

When she Apparated into the Hog's Head, the only person she met was Mrs. Longbottom, who apparently had only just arrived as well. Together they took the open passage way and entered the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts, sealing the passage behind them. The only person they met was Ginny.

"Ginny, what's going on?" Tonks asked her immediately.

"I'm not allowed to leave the room, so you're asking the wrong person. But everybody else, except me, is fighting," the girl replied, obviously frustrated with her situation as well.

But Tonks had no time for sympathies right now. "Fighting against whom?" she asked her anxiously.

"Death Eaters, of course, and the rest of You-know-who's army," Ginny replied.

"He's really here then?" asked Mrs. Longbottom.

"Yes, he told us to give him Harry or he would start a fight. Well, the first was not an option of course so here we are." Suddenly the room was shaking and the walls trembled. "That's happening all the time," Ginny told them matter-of-factly. "I suppose it's the giants."

"Giants?" Tonks repeated weakly. Oh, she so had to find Remus. She hadn't intended to fight if it wasn't absolutely necessary. But she couldn't just leave now that she knew that this seemed to be the final battle, the one they had been working for all this time. It was either win or die and she'd be damned if she didn't at least try to secure a better future for her son. Plus, she just needed to know that Remus was alright. If they could win this battle, if they could defeat You-know-who… it was too good to be true.

Suddenly Harry, Ron and Hermione entered.

"Is everyone OK?" Tonks and Ginny asked together.

But Harry couldn't really give them a satisfying answer. Well, how was he supposed to know what was going on elsewhere in the castle? Mrs. Longbottom asked about the whereabouts of her grandson and sped off to help him fight. Tonks watched her leave. She, too, was here to check on the ones she loved and to help them win. Of course, Tonks doubted that she had a newborn baby at home.

She was torn out of her thoughts when Harry turned towards her. "I thought you were supposed to be with Teddy at your mother's?"

How did he know? He must have spoken to Remus, which meant that he was at least still alive! "I couldn't stand not knowing –" Tonks replied, feeling torn inside. "She'll look after him." Damn, she knew this was irresponsible, but she simply had to find Remus. She would never forgive herself otherwise. "Have you seen Remus?" she thus finally asked.

"He was planning to lead a group of fighters into the grounds–"

That was the last straw. Remus was down there with the giants, Dementors and who knew what other horrible creatures under You-know-who's command… and she had to go and help him. Without another word for Harry, Tonks sped off and left the room. But when she had entered the corridor, she realised that it wouldn't be all that easy to get to the grounds. People were running everywhere, screaming or duelling and the castle kept on shaking every now and then. Tonks spotted Ginny at the next window and drawing her wand she joined her. Sending a well-aimed curse below Tonks peeked out of the window. But it was the same everywhere she looked. Absolute chaos and mayhem.

Then Aberforth ran past them leading a group of students. "Have you seen Remus?" Tonks called after him at once.

"He was duelling Dolohov," Aberforth shouted back and Tonks' heart skipped a beat. Dolohov had murdered Molly's brothers, who had been damn good fighters – or so she had been told – and the Order had faced Dolohov in the Department of Mysteries two years ago and hadn't been able to finish him either. Well, Dumbledore could have done it, but of course it wasn't like him to kill. Now Tonks desperately wished he would have made an exception.

She barely listened when Ginny told her that Remus was surely fine and ran off into the dust. She hurried down towards the Entrance Hall, all the while trying not to get engaged in battle, but that proved to be pretty difficult. After what felt like an eternity, she finally entered the grounds.

Tonks watched how a huge giant attacked one of the castle walls and quickly hurried into the opposite direction. She ducked to avoid being hit by a curse that came out of nowhere, and finally she saw Remus and he really was duelling Dolohov. Tonks ran even faster to be able to help him. Maybe two on one wasn't all nice and fair, but all she could think about right now was to get out of here alive and together with Remus.

But before she could even get to him, another Death Eater got in her way. She had no idea who he was, but he was missing a piece of his nose and was already bleeding madly. Still, he sent a curse Tonks was forced to block.

By now, however, Remus had spotted her, too. "Dora, what on earth are you doing here?" he yelled over the heads of both Death Eaters.

Tonks had to duck to avoid another curse and called back, "I simply couldn't stand not knowing!"

Obviously, Remus was too busy to reply. Her own Death Eater could barely stay on his feet, but still he tried to hit her with a Killing curse. But it would have missed her even if Tonks hadn't moved at all. She quickly raised her wand and her own curse hit the man squarely in the chest. He dropped to the ground, not yet dead, but Tonks doubted that anyone from his side would pick him up before a giant would crush him beneath his enormous feet.

Tonks turned towards Remus again and hadn't she done so, another Killing Curse, which missed her by a few inches now, would have hit her.

Apparently, Remus had seen that as well because he shouted, "Dora, watch out!" And their eyes met for a moment and both were full of fear of losing each other but also full of the love that made the prospect of losing each other so absolutely unbearable. And it was in that second that a green jet of light from Dolohov's wand broke through Remus' shield and hit him in the chest.

Tonks screamed, but Remus had already frozen. He was still looking at her with that loving expression in his eyes before he simply dropped to the ground.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

Blindly, Tonks sent a curse at Dolohov and dropped to her knees next to Remus. "No, Remus, please… don't do this to me! Don't leave me!" But she knew that it was too late; that he had been dead the second the curse had hit him.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she touched Remus' face, muttering his name over and over again. It just couldn't be. It just wasn't fait. After everything they had been through, after all the pain Remus had caused himself and her, they had finally been right where they belonged. They had finally found happiness. And now… now he would never ever be with her again.

The pain of that simple but merciless truth was just too great.

And still, Remus' face was so very peaceful. It had been frozen in that short moment of looking at each other, of assuring each other of their eternal commitment, of their faith that everything would be fine…

It was almost as if he were still alive and looking at her and memories started to flood her mind. Memories of all those hours of fun they had spent in the kitchen of Grimmauld place, of their first kiss, of their wedding, their first Christmas, the birth of their son, the happiness radiating from Remus when he realized that Teddy was no werewolf…

And although Tonks felt that something inside her had been broken forever and would never be put together again, a small smile appeared on her lips. It had all been worth it.

Suddenly somebody yelled a triumphant _"Avada Kedavra!"_ behind her and even amidst a million voices Tonks would have recognized it to be Bellatrix.

And the last thing she did was to grab Remus' hand and with her tearful but loving eyes upon her dead but peacefully resting husband she was hit by the curse and fell forwards onto Remus' body.

And if anyone had looked out of one of the castle windows, they might have thought that what they were seeing were just two lovers who didn't even notice the battle that was going on around them because they were lost in each others loving embrace.


	18. Legacy

**Chapter 18: Legacy**

"Teddy!"

Andromeda Tonks walked slowly up the stairs and looked for her grandson, whom she had raised as if he were her own son. For once, she had taken care of him since he had been one and a half months old and then he was sometimes so very like his mother that Andromeda almost felt as if she had been given back her little Dora.

She sighed. Now was not the time to think about her daughter. The wound was still every bit as raw as it had been eleven years ago.

But suddenly Andromeda realised that the door to the room that had once been her daughter's stood ajar. She had never used it for anything, except a… tribute to Dora.

Now Andromeda entered it and found a familiar, eleven-year-old boy sitting on the bed, even though his hair was turquoise right now. But Andromeda had never even begun to wonder about what made him change his appearance. She had learned when raising Dora that there was simply no sense in trying.

When she moved closer, however, Andromeda thought she understood for once. Teddy was holding a picture in his hands – a picture of himself with turquoise hair in the arms of his parents.

"Teddy?" she said gently. Lately, he had insisted on being called Ted, arguing that 'Teddy' wasn't an appropriate name for an eleven-year-old who would set off for Hogwarts in a few days. But right now he didn't seem to mind.

"I found this," he said, looking at the picture. "You never showed it to me."

Andromeda smiled. "I must have forgotten about it. I think you were only a few weeks old when that picture was taken."

"Mum looks beautiful with the pink hair," Teddy said.

"Oh, yes, it was her favourite colour," Andromeda nodded, trying to suppress her own pain.

"And Dad has my eyes."

Andromeda nodded again, deciding not to point out that he had his father's eyes and not vice versa.

"Which houses were they in again?" Teddy asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

But Andromeda smiled patiently. She had expected him to want to know more about his parents and to try to identify himself with them now that he was older and able to understand and about to go to Hogwarts as well.

"Your Mum was in Hufflepuff and your Dad in Gryffindor."

"But Mum was an Auror, right?" Teddy asked, never tearing his eyes away from the photo.

"Yes, she was."

"Why wasn't she in Gryffindor, too, then? Surely, you have to be brave to become an Auror."

Andromeda smiled. "Well, she was brave, one of the bravest women I have ever known. But I think what was even more important about Dora was her great heart. She loved you and your Dad so very much."

"Then why did she leave me?" Teddy asked so quietly Andromeda could barely hear him.

She sighed and had to fight the urge to take him in her arms. She knew that was not what he wanted right now. Being his age now, he hated to think of himself as weak. "Oh honey, you know that your mother never wanted to leave you, but she didn't have a choice," Andromeda replied simply. She had never been able to bring herself to accuse her daughter of having made the wrong decision all those years ago. There was no point, anyway. Nothing could change the past. And also Andromeda knew that her daughter wouldn't have been the same after Remus' death.

Teddy was silent for a while. "I think I still want to be in Gryffindor. It sounds much better. And I want to be brave, just as brave as they were. They died fighting Voldemort, right?"

"Yes, they did. But they didn't fight to be brave. They fought for a better world for you to grow up in," Andromeda said.

Teddy nodded and lapsed back into his silence, which Andromeda didn't dare to break. "Do you think that they would be proud of me?" he asked suddenly.

"Of course they are and I'm sure they are watching your every step," she whispered.

Teddy looked a little surprised, but then he smiled. "Can I have this room when I return for the holidays?"

Now it was Andromeda's turn to be surprised. "Well, are you sure that's what you want? It was your mother's…"

"And I was born in here, wasn't I?"

"Yes, you were. But for me, it contains too many memories," Andromeda admitted. She really couldn't have slept in here.

"That's why I want to have it. It's like I can feel them in here," Teddy confessed, looking sheepish.

Andromeda closed her eyes for a second. "In that case, consider it yours," she replied.

"Thanks, Gran," Teddy said and sank back onto the bed, still clutching the photo. "You know what? I think I want to be an Auror, too."

Andromeda laughed. "Then you better be good at school," she said while standing up.

"Were Mum and Dad good at school?" he asked eagerly.

For a brief second Andromeda thought of all the mayhem Dora had caused at school and quickly decided not to mention that. "Of course, they were. Your Dad was a prefect."

Teddy looked impressed. Andromeda smiled slightly and intended to leave the room while her grandson continued to stare at the photo. But she stopped at the door and turned around. "Are you sure you're alright, Teddy?"

He looked at her with Remus' eyes and Dora's innocent and kind face. "I'm fine, Gran." Then he smiled. "And I told you not to call me 'Teddy' anymore!"

Andromeda smiled in relief. "My mistake," she said and left, but not without glancing at her daughter's son once more, who was now walking through the room and checking everything that had once belonged to his parents with the excitement of a young, but happy boy.


End file.
